awashlogs | Event Seventeen.

[ She can’t quite put her finger on it, but she feels as if she’s missing something. The poor man looks lost in his thoughts— she guesses that he truly must still feel terrible after what he did to his disciple... but then again, his initial question of building up sins so high implies that there is much else over which he frets. It’s.... frustrating how she can’t figure him out, and it saddens her that she’s unable to either pull him out of his thoughts, ask him about them, or even help him because she’s unable to solve this puzzle. There’re too many missing pieces. But... maybe... she can do this: ]

Then let me remind you of even more obvious things— just in case the teacher forgets.

[ While she says that playfully enough, her tone soon becomes much more sincere. She abandons browsing the shelf, now turning fully to face him, her hand going up to her chest. ]

This teacher... he’s someone who has decided to help the world when he first arrived, even when the world proved troublesome and testing. [ This, she gets from him being shoved into a that fairy tale role and him going along with it gracefully. ] He owes this world nothing, but instead he’s chosen to bring back its color.

This teacher is honest and courageous, he’s open about his past regrets, and he acknowledges that he has done wrong instead of denying his fault— [ She has this impression of him from his network post. ] In this way he admits he is not perfect, he is fallible—... and because of that, he is is humble and noble, and maybe he gives hope to some that they shouldn’t be afraid of discussing their own wrongs with others.

He is a teacher who is generous with his concern, maybe even to a fault. [ And this she gleams from the topic of their conversation just earlier, when he wanted her to promise to basically care for herself more. ] He is someone with such a big heart that he can’t fathom not worrying for someone even if they are completely well. It doesn’t matter who they are or how little he knows them: he worries, he cares, genuinely and fully.

[ There’s a final pause before she speaks again. ]

He imparts his lessons to others who are not even his disciples [ All of Chroma, really. ], he leads by example [ Such as sharing his past. ], he is a philosopher [ Discussing future diverging possibilities even while while ascribing to fate. ], kind, good, and he is inspiring because of it all.

[ Now she looks upon him with what can only be described as quiet appreciation. ]

You, teacher.... are someone worth protecting, you are worth being here, too, no matter your past. [ And not, say, being killed by his disciple out of revenge. ] So... don’t any forget that, either.

[ There. ]

[ Who the fuck is this person!? Am I allowed to meet them?!

He feels like holding his face in his hands at hearing all this extremely false compliments about his character and person!! If this was the novel world and the readers read this, I can't even imagine how many people would pass out from sheer anger!!

1. He owes the world nothing but instead he's chosen to bring back its color. FALSE! Absolutely false! This is the main mission that everyone has been tasked with! Isn't this saying that he's just doing his best at his job?!

2. Honest and courageous. False!! Do you know how many times he has run away to avoid a troublesome manner while he was here?? He just didn't want to whine on the forum and vague about an issue! If he saw someone doing that, he would have been inclined to reach through the laptop screen--!!

3. Humble and noble. Where?! When! He can't remember a time that he's shown this. Noble, yes. Of course, he has to be noble. He's a Peak Lord so he has to give off the air of a noble individual, but humble??? So this is a half-false!!

4. Imparts his lessons onto others. Yes! But isn't he just scolding and disciplining people that aren't his own? Sure, he can't stand to see people struggling in their own stories, so he has to lend a hand! But he's just trying to boost his own reputation a little by being helpful! The reasons for his words are selfish in nature!!

5. Seriously?! Who the fuck is this person!?! Who is this God among men?! This pure and untouchable idea?! Who!? Who? He certainly doesn't know how he has manipulated her to -- he did! He did manipulate her by telling her about a wax apple!! This all stemmed from that! She's pulling all these ideas from him not telling the truth in that situation and not realizing that the puppets were telling him to poison her! Because she didn't realize the situation about the poisoning, she's been thinking erroneously that he's a good, kind, pure-as-snow person!

What a fucking blunder!! What can he even say to all of that?! What?! What! ]

This teacher is profoundly humbled by your words. I hope, then, you shall be willing to turn them all onto yourself. [ If I'm this level of good, you're twice the level!! I shouldn't even be allowed to talk to you! ]

[ His response is so blasé in comparison, that it comes down to something akin to a child's idiom: rubber glue back to you. Does he really expect her to believe him?

It's almost laughable... but also endearing, in a way; it's like he can't think of anything else to say. Or at least, that's how he comes across. ]

[ So she giggles, bringing a hand up to hide her lips. But just then he would have seen something resembling a coy smile. ]

Hm, you can't say that. [ Leaning in a little. ] I've not accomplished any of the aforementioned things.

[ Not only a coy smile, but a smile that basically says "I win." ] That was all you.

[ How could you say that?! In his mind, he has his arms flung out. He imagines that he shakes her violently as he asks: WAKE UP!! How can you possibly think this way about a villain that's scummier than the scum you find underneath a toilet yet think yourself to not accomplish anything?! Shen Qingqiu wants to have a megaphone so that he could start yelling down the corridors of this castle so that his voice echoes about how good a person that Pyra is!! ]

No, you have accomplished more. [ How about that?! Like hell he is going to allow this to be it! Like hell is he going to let her keep having the wrong idea!! ]

You are someone who believes that kindness should be returned to the world. Even if there was no color to be brought back, you would still wish to commit kind acts for the people that are here. Even those that you do not know. Even those that you have met just moments before where other parties wanted dead. [ It absolutely wasn't an exaggeration! Those fucking puppets are fuckers!! They came for my life not once but twice!! ]

You place the life of someone that you have only talked to a few times ahead of yourself. You risked yourself to ensure that a person you barely know is safe. You forgave a person for sins that you do not know the depth of. You willingly hoped for happiness for someone who has committed an unchangeable and cruel wrong to another. [ Miss me with that humble, courageous, kind, and wonderful self!! Miss me with it! Like I said!! If I am good, you're twice the level of good that I am! ]

You refuse to take the kind words that others give you because you feel as though you have not earned them, yet have done so much in so few actions. You hope for people that you have not even met. You believe in people that you will not ever meet. You recognize your own weaknesses yet still reach your hand out for others. [ He is starting to feel very proud of himself. ]

As I said, this teacher is humbled by your words, of your praise, and of your opinion. How could I not be when the person is you?

[ ...You know, she hadn't expected that. For someone to say something so kind to her in return-- and at length, too, using her same method at that. Ooh, and she had been so confident, too, just a moment ago that he would drop it.

Yet her eyes widen as he continues to speak, taking in his words through her surprise that he's saying them to her at all. Honestly, what he's telling her about herself is almost exactly what she's said to him. They're similar, in that regard, and she's glad she's found a kindred spirit.

But then... she notices something else as he talks, and by the time he's finishes she's drawn nearer once more. ]

....Ah. You...

[ A hand reaches up to him again, and this time when she reaches for the side of his face, her touch brush a curtain of his dark hair away from his cheek before her palm rests there. Her touch is firmer than before-- it's like she's try to see if what truly before her is real. ] ...That's it.

That's the expression that suits you best.

[ He's smiling. And, well, he's gotten her to smile at him too because--

Did she do it? Did she fulfill what they had discussed moments before, about wanting to make him happy? Well, he seems happy now and--... she likes the way he is right now. It seems more him. ] That's the real Shen Qingqiu we want to see.

[ Hmm??

His expression closes off as he wonders if, perhaps, he said way too much! Could it be in his attempt to have her understand things metaphorically using a megaphone that he actually upset her? Like, "Saying all that, you don't mean it!" But that is why he decides to gently smile at her as he explains his opinions; if he said it with a scowl or an icy look, it would seem like he's actually backtalking!

"Actually, you're right. I don't mean anything that I just said. I meant the exact opposite and a worm like you shouldn't think to compliment an untouchable person like myself." Did he happen to come off like --

-- Shen Qingqiu blinks as her hand touches the side of his face. It slows down the speed of which his thoughts are rapid-firing on how he may have messed up what he attempted to do. ]

[ Huh?!

He really can't win, can he? He absolutely can't win. Honestly, he's quite surprised at this development and isn't sure what he can say. The real Shen Qingqiu isn't a person that you want to see!! His stare becomes a little sad. That person is absolute scum. So I don't know how to take what is said!! I understand the compliment, but because I know the person is slime, I don't know how to take those words??

But he also understands that he's being difficult. He's being difficult and going to make Pyra cry if he keeps being difficult. I can't do anything about my karma, but I understand that you weren't admonishing me before. You really didn't see anything that I was doing! I can read the mood. Indeed, she is someone that he barely knows, but hasn't she proven something, too? ]

Maybe, but it is good to see you smiling honestly, too. [ Ah, I did a "you, too", again. ] It seems this teacher met a good person. ... that means that I will do what I can to watch over you. [ Don't worry! I won't let my bad karma get you! ]

[ At last she seems satisfied with his answer.... even if they've basically come full circle once twice (three times??) in this conversation.

But she doesn't mind: it pretty much reinforces that the both of them have similar values. And while she hasn't exactly told him of her own sins, she feels similar to him in that regard, that she has a past she deeply regrets. She just isn't secure or trusting enough to talk about it yet; it's still too raw, even after all the centuries that have passed. ] We're... kind of similar, you and I. [ She says softly, and she wonders for a moment if that's presumptuous of her for how esteemed he seems. ]

So maybe... we can watch over each other. [ He'll have her back, and she'll have his. ] That... I'll promise you, if you will accept.

[ We are?!

He doesn't think that sounds right, but he pushes his usually ranting about the wrong of it all off to the side and into the dumpster. Because!! He!! Found!! A!! Loophole!! You can't promise me to think of yourself first, so!! I can keep an eye on you and make sure that you won't overtax and sacrifice yourself! ]

I will accept this promise. [ He reaches out to take her hand in his. ] I promise to watch over you as you will me. [ And his face and voice remain calm on the outside. Ahhh! I did it without thinking! I took her hand without thinking!! ]

[ She’s rather surprised when he takes her hand, holding it between them— but it feels nice that he does. Her own hand falls from his cheek to join the one that holds his so that she’s cupping his in both of her as if she can solidify the promise with the gesture. ] This promise, I will not break.

[ Really, he’s too good to her. She gives his hand a reassuring squeeze, lingering as she looks up at him.

.....This would probably be a good opportunity to tell him that she isn’t actually alright. She has been cursed. But, well, as she looks upon him and sees how reassured he seems at their promise— no, she doesn’t wish to worry him.

But there is something else she wishes to say to him, something that’s been on her mind ever since the network post. Pyra looks down at their joined hands, her thumb brushing over his knuckles. ]

...There’s something I want to tell you, actually. That I think you might like to hear. It has to do with prophecies and the future, and how to break away from it.

I won't break it either.

[ Right. He feels quite warm where their hands are held together. Because he might not be all those things that she thinks of him, but it is a nice feeling to have someone think that highly. Even he can feel kind of happy about those sorts of undeserved praise. ]

... oh.

[ Well, she thinks of me as some saint-like man, so I am not too terrified about what she's going to say. If I didn't know about her opinion, I would definitely think that she was going to roast me on a spit and cut all ties!! "Prophecies? Fate? You just didn't try hard enough to change them."

His expression sobers up, and his hands feel suddenly cold. He lightly pulls his hands back to attempt to stop holding hers. ... anyway, the original scum really liked to play around with young ladies and women, so I really should be a little more careful about my impulsive nature! Given her high esteem when he's hardly any of those things, he suddenly doesn't feel it's right to so casual. Isn't it like petting a sheep when you've eaten lamb for supper?? ]

Very well, what is it that you want to tell me?

Edited 2019-01-25 01:30 (UTC)

[ She watches at his hands leaves hers, and for whatever reason all she can think is... "so soon?"

For a few extra moments her hands stay between them, palms up as if she's watching sand elusively fall through her fingers with the loss of his touch. Slowly her fingers curl back, and she withdraws her arms to herself. ]

In my world... there is a legend of a sword, a heavenly weapon, that can discern the future-- and not just "predict" it, as if it is just a possibility. It can see what is to come, see how that future is so precisely fatalistic and converging, and those visions are granted to its wielder. [ There's something quite strangely careful woven into the tone of her voice, almost as if she is hesitant. ]

You might be thinking, what good is a sword that can predict a definite future? [ There's an almost wry smile. ] It won't be useful if it envisions the wielder's death that is impossible to change.

[ Her tone seems to relax. ] But, impossibly, the sword itself grants its master the ability to change this calculated future...

[ A breath, a pause, and there's a quick shake of her head. ] Or maybe is isn't surprising that it can, since the sword is divine.

[ She lifts her gaze slowly, her smile forming once again. Time to tie this back to him: ] I was just thinking about you the other day, [ Yep, she's thinking about him even on her time off! ] about how helpful a blade like that would be for you. [ So that he might change any more prophesied tragedies in his future. ]

And... I was wishing that you'd be able to find and use something like that yourself. [ Maybe there could be similar sword/spell/whatever in his. Basically what she's saying here is that he shouldn't give up hope! ]

[ Yet another god-tier cheat item that I'm coming to know about!? He isn't certain but he feels a little nervous that so many of these objects are being told to him. A sword that can predict the future and change it?! If that was possible, that's something that only the protagonist could use! It's something only he could use! If a villain touches it and changes the future, the future is going to be even more of a shit-pile than it originally was!!

His surprise is actually obvious this time around. And it's actually called "divine!" It really is god-tier! Really, honestly god-tier!! Such a thing obviously comes at some price!! Obviously? Obviously! But at the end of what she says, he feels once more a great amount of affection for her. I see. You're worrying and worrying and hoping for this item, too. I've really caused you a lot of trouble.

His shocked expression changes to a soft, gentle smile. ]

It is fine.

[ When he came to Chroma, when he realized everything, he could have easily cast off the name "Shen Qingqiu." He could have become "Shen Yuan", again. He could have told everyone his soul had entered the body of a villainous individual and he's been living that life for fear of death by an unknown force. He could have returned to who he was in this new setting. He could talk about all the fun things he wants to talk about -- like videogames, manga, new movies, new music. He could have done all those things and restarted his life. ]

Edited 2019-01-25 13:36 (UTC)

[ But in the end... no one wants a villain to come to a new world and live merrily with everyone, abandoning their sins and their actions. No one wants that sort of thing for the villain. Absolutely no one. ]

This teacher is touched that you thought so much about me and worried so much about my own happiness and my past mistakes. But it is all right. It is all right that I did not have such a sword. [ An item that's definitely meant to be in the hands of the protagonist! ] Such a sword cannot change what has already happened, right? And, such a sword may not have been any use in that situation, too.

[ Right. ] I failed my disciple and I will not erase what I have done.

[ If he knows anything about her by now, he should know that he can't help but worry for others. For as it turns out, she has a lot on her mind not just from her homeworld, but of all of those she's met here. Because there are good people here, there are good people who are troublemakers, there are those that are callous as well, and for all she knows there are those who are truly terrible people-- but she worries for them, too. But right now her attention is on him. ]

You're right. What's done is done... [ The sword can't change the past, although that's not his point. He wouldn't want to, because he will bear his regrets. ] But you would not use it, even for the future that was told to you? [ He did say... er, write that, giving her the impression that whatever is to come for him isn't the best.

She told him, once, that it's never too late, trying to give him some hope. And here she is trying to show him a method that he might be able to enact on that hope. If not from her world, but maybe something similar in his. ]

If I had that sword back then, I would have given it to my disciple.

[ Honestly, he is the only one who could wield it! ]

If it is for me to use, I would him have it.

[ If his pure-as-snow Luo Binghe had the sword, so much of the tragedy that the story said would happen no longer would. It may even have allowed him to unlock his abilities without having to fall into the Endless Abyss. Right, if it is for me to use however I want, I'm going to give it away to someone who could use it. ]

[ ...Aw, what a good person he is. She doesn't like the idea of being passed on to someone she doesn't know but eh, it's not like she has a choice in the matter. But they're not actually discussing her, and besides, him surrendering the blade to someone he deems more capable only reinforce her notion that he's both humble and noble. ] Most people fear this blade, in my world. [ She mentions gently. ] But you--

[ He surprises once again; it's honestly refreshing. ]

Mm, [ A soft nod. ] ...I'm starting to believe that you might not need it at all. [ He might need the reassurance, maybe, that he can do such a thing and should have hope. But for actually needing it? ] Maybe you have the ability to change your future... all on your own.

And that power is... [ A moment passes where she closes her eyes. When she opens them, her hand has lifted to tap upon his chest. ] Yes, it's right here.

It's already in your heart, I think.

Fear it? [ He blinks. I guess. It is a god-tier item. But if he thinks about it, is it anything to fear on its own? ] There is no reason to feel that way. If a cruel and unjust person wielded it... but is it not the person? The sword is not to blame for the actions of who uses it. [ A knife sitting on the counter ain't gonna stab no one. So why be scared of it? ]

Huh? [ He can't help but say that confused word. Excuse?? Shen Qingqiu hopes he has the means to change his own future. In it, Luo Binghe is feeling such lust for revenge that he is cut into a human stick! His neck feels a chill as he almost shudders at the thought. Almost. His shoulders shake just a little. ]

Here. [ He looks down at where she is pointing. In his heart? Really? She really has such a high opinion of him that he has absolutely no fucking idea what to say. So he gives a non-committal: ] Maybe.

[ She'll let the question of the sword being feared pass; if he wants to inquire about it later, he can. But this is more important to emphasize.

...His reaction even gets a bit of a laugh from her, and she wonders if that look of his is his equivalent of a non-stoic-person's dumbfoundedness. ] Not maybe.

[ Here, she'll poke him again. Right. There. With each syllable: ] De-fin-ite-ly.

[ But she'll relent, taking back her hand to place it upon her chest, obscuring the crystal there. ] This teacher has a lot to learn about himself, doesn't he?

[ To save himself, he snaps open his fan to cover the lower half of his face. It is an emotional crutch, especially in situations like this!! Not that he recalls ever being in a situation quite like this one. ]

Maybe. [ Really!! Do we have to get into a compliment fight, again! I'll do it! Don't test me! He is going to cling onto these non-committal responses. It's losing face to tell someone that they're ignorant or wrong about something. It's losing a lot of face to suddenly grab someone and shake them, like he keeps wanting to do!! ]

Anyway, why are people afraid of this sword? [ Moving on, moving on, moving on! ]

[ ...This is the first time she's seen him use his fan like that. Why the sudden aloofness, huh?

.........Ah, but the sword. He's asking about the sword. And already she's beginning to (partly) regret bringing it up at all. This is why she doesn't talk about ~~herself~~ things of her world. People ask questions. ] Most... do not know of its foresight, actually; and probably for the best. [ What. Else. Can she say here, to satisfy his question without giving him more than necessary? ] The blade itself is more known for heralding mass destruction-- that's why it is feared... and coveted.

Something like that shouldn't be allowed to exist; the world had been much safer when it had remained beside our Creator above. It must be brought back there, so he may destroy it because nothing else in the world can.

[ Then she shakes her head. ]

It's just like some of these old, cautionary myths, like finding a far too dangerous magical spell: do you take it and try to use it for yourself? Or do you try to destroy it, so that it might never be used again? [ She gives him a reassuring smile. ] We've decided that the latter is safer answer.

[ Then she tilts her head, as if to say, "Agree?" ]

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