March catch-all

[espritdecorpse]

WHO: Wei Wuxian, Xie Lian, Pyra
WHERE: Various places in Chroma
WHEN: Sometime during the dragon scales event
WHAT: Bodyswapping and misunderstandings
WARNINGS: None!

[ Initially he dismissed the forty-ninth quest out of hand. He wouldn't readily exchange his body with somebody who didn't understand cultivational powers, especially demonic ones.

But the more he gets to thinking, the more it occurs to him that there is someone in particular whose body he'd like to inhabit. Thus he pulls on his hot pink winter jacket and heads out towards Bluo... ]

Comments

[espritdecorpse]

Aaaaaaa, I have a terrible headache!

[ He pouts like a little shit, twisting his head to and fro. ]

Kiss it and make it better!

1/2

[pyrafect]

[ He could ask for a star, and she would make him one. He could ask Mythra to see his future, and she would show him it. And if, if her ascended state ever appeared, he could ask her to forge a new reality, and she would write it for him. Anything at all within her power, anything at all...




She giggles at his silliness, the way he pouts like a child when she knows he's anything but. And then-- ]

[pyrafect]

[ She brings her hand out of his, moving it to gently brush some hair away from his face. Adjusting him a little and scooting back, she then leans down to bring her lips to his-- or rather, Xie Lian's-- forehead.

Pyra doesn't linger with the kiss, straightening up once more. Opening her eyes, she smiles down at him, checking to see if he's still pouting at her. ] ...Anything else?

[espritdecorpse]

[ He smiles blissfully, after the kiss. It's as if he can feel her kindness flowing into him.

And then... Anything else? What a loaded question. Yet anything else he asks for would be delivered to Xie Lian's body, not his. And that is... okay, it's a little weird. ]

Aaaah, let me see.

[ He gazes up at her impossibly beautiful face... and just then realizes he's lying on top of... ah, heaven knows what he's lying on, it's all broken, worthless junk piled up around them. ]

Pyra, I recall that your powers involve creating flames. I wonder... can you incinerate things without a trace?

[pyrafect]

Yes...

[ Okay, she looks a little concerned by his question. ]

Is there something you need gone?

[espritdecorpse]

[ He sits up, experimentally. A little sore, but he can move again. He reaches for something at random and lifts up an odd shoe missing its sole. ]

I think our mutual friend has a problem. What do you say we help him out?

[pyrafect]

[ ....OH.

PHEW.

Hahha she had been thinking that he'd ask her to destroy some evidence to something ~suspicious~ thing he might have done! ]

Ah. Yes.

[ That, she can do. ] ...I never knew he was a hoarder. [ She replies, assisting him with sitting up. Careful, careful! She's going to make sure that he's okay before incinerating anything, though. ]

1/2

[espritdecorpse]

[ The concerned look, followed by the sigh of relief doesn't escape him. He puts on a wounded expression. ]

Did you think I was up to something?

[espritdecorpse]

[ ....he grins. ]

You'd be right. I'm always up to something. Let's start with these purple scales, before anybody else touches them.

[ He sweeps his hand to indicate them, but perhaps because he's in a different body, or has half-healed ribs, his hand overshoots and he comes very close to actually touching one again. ]

[pyrafect]

[ She's going to immediately reach out and grab his wrist to stop him. Let's not do this again.

Still ~smiling~. ] I already tried. They're indestructible, from what I can tell. [ Magic proof fire proof "utterly impossible to break down in any way" etc etc etc ]

But if you as his husband believe it to be the right thing to do, to remove all of these excess.... trinkets. [ ... ] I'll happily assist.

[espritdecorpse]

[ What bad luck that would have been, he thinks to himself. Good thing Pyra was here.

He can't help laughing weakly at the "husband" line. He'll tell her. He will tell her... later. ]

Perhaps we could put them in a box or something, with a warning label.

[ Like "Danger, do not touch" or "XIe Lian's leftovers," sorry husband. ]

As for the rest... I think he'll be much better off. And his roommates grateful.

[ Keeping well away from the purple scales this time, he stands up. ]

[pyrafect]

Agreed... This is no way for someone to live. [ It's also unsanitary! She'll feel bad if burning his accumulated junk really does hurt him but! Wei Wuxian said so! And so she will do what he says! ]

This won't be a problem...

[ She's obliterated many things before without a trace. Only this time, she's doing good. Hooray? ]

But I'm going to want you to stay back. My ability isn't actually fire, but it can cause it by proximity.

[espritdecorpse]

Fire by proximity. Ahahaha....

[ He rubs his forehead. ]

This, er, might be a bit of a pain, but... do you think we ought to take this stuff out of the house before you burn it?

[ No one will thank them if they burn the house down, too! ]

[pyrafect]

..."We"? [ She hopes he just means a general we, and not actual him included! But just in case-- ]

You mean, just me. I'll do all the work today. [ She smiles again. ] You on the other hand.... [ She leans in, taping him on the nose. ] ...Just relax for the rest of the day, rest and recover. I'll take care of everything, alright?

[ She jokes lightly: ] Doctor's orders.

[espritdecorpse]

[ THIS IS A DILEMMA. On the one hand, he hates the idea of letting a woman do physically demanding labor on her own. On the other, Pyra is strong. And he'd like to return Xie Lian's body in at least a similar condition as he stole acquired it, and overdoing it will probably injure his ribs further.

...

He'll compromise. ]

I'll just pick up the small things. A little light activity should be fine.

[ He crouches down to retrieve a few socks and............almost touches a purple scale again, hidden beneath one of them. ]

Ah — let's sweep those up first. I'll find a broom!

[ He starts poking about in closets. ]

[pyrafect]

[ He can pick up the small thing--- is that another purple scale?! Oh no, this really is dangerous.

Xie Lian had mentioned he had incredible bad luck before... she hadn't believed it at the time (and actually still doesn't), but maybe there is actual merit to his words! And if Wei Wuxian believes it, then maybe... ] H--hold on. [ She's going to quickly move to that closet first, putting herself between him and its doors. ]

I really think I should be doing the work right now.

Xie Lian has-- he said he had bad luck. And you have bad luck. So that's double bad luck; you could be picking up scales left and right! [ Is she getting this cultivator BS right? She hopes so! It's not like her world doesn't have the same sort of system in some way; there are legendary blades that are rumors to literally carry bad luck and curses with them (Azami and Kasandra come to mind). Anyways, it doesn't matter if it's actually a thing, but if Wei Wuxian is superstitious, then he should believe it and proceed with caution as well! ]

Just, ah, pretend you are... [ Uhh. ] A king in his castle. [ Go lounge on the sofa or something. Shoo. ]

[espritdecorpse]

[ All things considered, that is....... probably the best course of action right now. He won't argue anymore. He makes his way to the sofa and (after checking it for scales, that would be just his luck), he drapes himself across it. ]

Favored subject, this king bids you collect this pile of completely useless, worthless, unsafe, unsightly garbage and cast it from this place. And then incinerate it to dust, so my other favored subject can't collect it again.

[ He settles in, tucking his hands behind his head and grinning. Watching Pyra all afternoon? It occurs to him that this isn't bad luck in the least. ]

[pyrafect]

[ Aah, there's a sigh of relief from her. She's glad he's obliging, as well as joking about it.

Still... lounging on the sofa like that-- he's not behaving like any royals she's ever met! It's absurd enough to get a bit of a chuckle out of her, the worry leaving her as the tension in her shoulders relaxes.

Crisis averted, really. ] Of course, my liege. [ Nevertheless, she mirrors his flair with bow: ] As you wish, I shall dispose of all that is wretched in this home~

[ She'll be taking finding that broom and getting to work, beginning with this current floor. So long as she just sweeps and doesn't actually pick any of the scales up, she'll be fine, right? And then afterwards, she'll just burn all the rest of the junk outside! ]