Who told you so, dilly dilly, Who told you so? ‘Twas my own heart, dilly dilly, That told me so.
ouch is one of the most intimate, romantic ways to be close to someone else. The Town knows this very well -- the Town wants everyone to be as close as possible.
Perhaps that's why this bonding is so...aggressive.
Because you're in for quite the shock on this otherwise peaceful day when you brush against the next person on your path.
Maybe you're going out of your way to touch people. Maybe you've got a terrible urge to just see what's lurking in someone's heart. Maybe you trip over a conveniently placed rock -- whatever the cause, you're getting an up close and personal look into someone else's heart.
Welcome to Awash's eighteenth event log, everyone! Further information on this event can be found here at the OOC post. You are welcome to make your own logs and posts for this event!
If there are any questions, please ask them here. Thank you!
[Reality Damian would vehemently deny being scared of Guren. He's not scared!! He's not worried about Guren killing him so much as... not ever being as strong as Guren! Listen!]
A stag. That's a boy deer. He's really big, huh? It must mean he's pretty strong. He has big antlers, too. So he's old [sorry guren] and strong. The babies are fawn. They have little spots, see? [Oh.
Damian watches Dextera again for a moment, and then he stands up without pulling Dextera up with him. Carefully, he winds his arms around Dextera's neck and gives Dextera a squeezingly childish hug.]
[ old and strong… that’s guren, all right, at least in the eyes of all the children who have attached themselves to him. yuu, and certainly damian as well. dextera wonders if they ever got around to meeting each other, but that’s a question for another day, if it ever even comes up. ]
…ah…
[ the hug is unexpected and warm, and dextera looks back at damian—almost awestruck by it. he’s going to remember this sensation forever, he thinks. ]
…he won’t hurt you, as long as you don’t call him old.
[ that’s dextera’s advice, and he takes damian’s hand with a slightly brighter smile. ]
With Dextera's hand in his, he helps Dextera up and they ease out of the brush and the path into the clearing. There's no surprise by the suddenly tense, stand-offish nature of Guren. The whole area gets a blanket of silence, and the fawn become like statues.
But Damian presses on, very careful and gentle, leading Dextera and not talking. They make it to the other edge of the pool of water to stand, and the fawn by Guren's side must be Yuu. It edges out from its hiding place behind Guren's long legs and peers at the two of them with curious scrutiny. Suddenly, it takes off like a bullet around the edge of the water, worriedly startling Guren and the others. It has to be Yuu, heading straight for Damian.] Wai--
Don't-- Wait! Wait-- [Damian has to let Dextera go and put both hands up, hunched some. The fawn hits him head-first with its nubby horns, and the two of them bowl over onto the grass. Damian's heart, slaughtered by an optimistic baby deer.
Except, Damian lets out a loud, playful round of laughter and rolls over to try to shield his face and head from a romping, butting deer.] Okay! Okay! Geez... [Why is he being bullied.]
[ dextera doesn’t get a long look at the deer, considering its reckless movement, but he makes an educated guess that this one—well, maybe damian did meet yuu after all. that’s good. he wishes yuu were still in town, too, but dextera is glad that they’re immortalized in damian’s heart like this.
…maybe?
it looks like damian is having fun, even with such a wild little thing, and dextera laughs too, despite himself. he shouldn’t let the deer go too crazy, considering how small damian is here in his heart, but… a few seconds is fine. only when those seconds pass does dextera approach the two boys, guren’s tension momentarily forgotten. ]
…
[ he pats yuu’s flank, to get his attention, and signs something over the deer’s “shoulder” at damian. ]
[BULLIED.] Hey! [Damian laughs once more when Yuu tries to munch some of his hair. Rude.
Much like a puppy, the fawn startles gently at having its attention distracted by the pat. Unfortunately, Yuu steps all up on Damian and to the other side in the escape. Damian thankfully doesn't seem to mind tiny hooves, and he brushes himself off while nodding at Dextera.] Yeah. I don't know him very well, but... I guess we're friends. [Their real meeting went almost exactly like this.
Behind them, very close, the stag snorts loudly. Damian sits up straight, and the fawn tucks tail and trots quickly back behind the stag. The rest of the fawn have filed over in a huddle, and they seem more like baby ducks following a mother than baby deer.
Damian glances from the stag up at Dextera, and then he looks back.] Hi. This is my friend Dextera. He's really nice. We came to see the waterfall. [The stag turns a rather intelligent pair of eyes at Dextera, watchful, and then it snorts more gently this time. Maybe it's a "ha ha."
After a moment, it lowers its head to brandish the furry flat of its forehead between the antlers.]
[ yeah, if this deer is yuu, then it makes perfect sense that he’d stomp all over someone trying to escape. damian doesn’t seem hurt, though, and dextera assists in brushing him off before the stag demands attention. ]
…
[ it… is asking to be pet, maybe. dextera thinks so. he’d paused for permission when it was with raven, but even though this is all damian’s creation, he feels like he has a little more permission when it comes to this representation of guren.
he sighs softly, fondly. ]
Come closer.
[ he gestures to damian, beckoning him, before gently placing his hand on the stag’s head. just holding it there, and then he strokes his thumb along the fur. ]
[As instructed, Damian carefully comes closer to both Dextera and the stag. It's already bigger than most stags, so it's definitely a lot bigger than Damian at just four or five; Damian is a little nervous. Because of this, Damian takes Dextera's free hand in his own, and then he reaches up with his other to give the stag a few strokes along the bottom of the neck and shoulder where he can reach.]
I feel sad when I see him sometimes. I don't know why. It feels like... I miss him. It's weird.
[The stag finally brings its head down a bit more, but when Damian goes to pet, the stag snorts a smack of soft, hot air in Damian's face. Ah yes. Such was their relationship. Damian "wahs" and turns his head away, but he's partially smiling as he rubs his face with his forearm.] Yuck. Your breath smells. [A smelly old man stag. Gross.
The stag lifts its head back up and bumps Dextera in the middle of the chest with its snout. Even deer Guren fancies Dextera. Figures.]
[ a thought comes to dextera, some teasing comment like “i bet he doesn’t miss you at all.” if they were in the real world, he might say it on guren’s behalf, but—here, when damian is tiny and open and thoroughly sincere, dextera thinks it’s probably best not to mention it. the fact that it occurs to him to joke, however, is a pretty big step.
he smiles down at damian, their hands joined, and so he’s a little distracted when the guren-stag bumps against his chest. ]
—!
[ but then, he relaxes, and his gaze softens as he pets the stag under its chin, cradling its face for a moment with his free hand. it’s nice, to be able to do this, even if it’s just an illusion. ]
Thank you. [ to the stag, and then he turns to damian. ] He likes you. I can tell.
[Shockingly, Damian gives a rather modest beam, shoulders hunching.] I like him, too. [In the end, Damian is a "hero," and he rigorously follows his father's code of helping others without expecting compensation. Sometimes, he may need a hero of his own to help him through some tough stuff.]
He's really strong and he's brave. [Damian's hand grows warm. The gentle light blanketing him around the edges returns, but this time, it slowly gets more bright, or maybe it's seeping inward from the outside.] And sometimes, he's dumb and doesn't take care of himself, but he wants to help everyone else. And even if he's worried, he doesn't show it, so you aren't worried, too. [The light consumes Damian until he's nothing more than that, growing. He's bigger, slightly. His voice is somewhat deeper, more familiar.]
Frankly, he's an imbecile more often than not.
[The glow dies away as slowly as it came, leaving behind a thirteen year old boy with a sour face and a stream of tears, holding Dextera by the hand without letting go.] A self-sacrificing fool who cared too much about everyone else instead of himself, especially you. I still want to kill him for not letting us at least say goodbye. [As if they had a choice.] But... I'll miss his old, ugly, annoying ass.
[The stag and all the fawn don't move, just continue to look at the two of them. The edges of the clearing with the pool, the edges of the island completely, begin to crack and crumble, rushing inward to meet him and Dextera. Everything disappears until nothing is left but a slowly fading stag that snorts derisively at the both of them.]
He hasn't left us. We can still keep going.
[Even in the town again, Damian doesn't immediately let go of Dextera's hand. He does, however, reach up with his other to try to get rid of the wetness to his cheeks.]
[ …it’s all dextera can do not to sob, really. he knew other people cared about guren. of course he did. guren was far more of a fixture in this town than dextera ever has been, but it’s different, seeing damian’s honest feelings—so honest that they thrust both him and dextera out of the heart.
he wishes he could have stayed a little longer, to socialize with that stag, but it’s fine. it was enough. just as damian’s heart holds guren within it… maybe dextera’s can, too. ]
…
[ ah, it hurts. ]
It’s OK to cry.
[ dextera does all the time, after all. damian has seen it. he’s probably seeing it now, before dextera quickly lifts his own hand to brush away the tears threatening to drown his face. with his other, he squeezes damian’s hand, taking advantage of these last vestiges of vulnerability before damian’s tween pride kicks in. ]
[The squeeze to his hand makes him squeeze Dextera's back. The two of them are a big disaster, aren't they? Help them.
The core of him feels raw, but not painful. A little too warm maybe, like sunburn. Being able to let his heart say what it really wanted... It felt good. Refreshing. Something stuffed too full being opened, a pressure released. He may not be any more open than he had been before, or he may continue to struggle with saying his true feelings. It'll be okay. He's trying.
Breathing a very quiet sigh, he glances up at Dextera.]
[ if damian could, dextera would have asked for it long before now—but he recognizes that even the most powerful people in this town don’t have that power, and a child especially doesn’t.
so he shakes his head. ]
He’s here.
[ dextera touches his fingers to damian’s chest, his heart. then, ]
[His eyes follow Dextera's hand, his heart, Dextera's, and then he looks away while pinching his lips between his teeth for a moment. Even hearing what he mostly already knows is surprisingly a relief.]
Yeah. [One hand lingers by his chest, gently rubbing the touched spot with his knuckles. The journey was almost like a dream, but the feelings linger after waking.] ...Don't tell anyone. [He doesn't look up.] Okay?
[ although it wasn’t his heart, wasn’t his journey, dextera finds himself relieved, too… some of his burden over guren’s absence lifted off his shoulders. ]
I can’t talk.
[ he taps his throat, with an expression edging toward “sheepish.” ]
[WOW!!!! Damian gives Dextera a Look.] Now isn't the time for funny business. [There's one hundred percent no fire to the scolding. And he keeps the straight face for a lot longer than some people hit with a groaner.
But eventually, his lips break out into a weak smirk.]
Don't ever say a joke that bad ever again. [A pause, then quickly amending:] Not even with your hands.
[ dextera almost took it back, worried that he might be infringing on some delicate topic even though it’s his own voice that’s in the balance here, but then damian gives him that little smirk and a cheeky correction, and dextera thus can’t help but laugh.
it’s not the full laugh he might have been able to give a month ago, but it’s there. he’s trying, in more ways than one.
he spreads his fingers, holding up his hands perfectly innocently. his smile might be a little watery, his eyes tired, but how strange it is that going into someone else’s personal little niche of the heart helped him this much. damian is good at these things, surely better than he thinks it is. it must be all the love hiding in there.
[Dextera's laughter, even if it isn't as bold as before, still warms him to the core. He's embarrassed by how endearing it is to him, but this at least doesn't translate to his face. He's spared!!]
Now don't bump into me again for a week.
[It would be okay, if it were Dextera, though. He trusts Dextera more than most people here.] I don't want to see what other horrendously humiliating things about me the town could possibly decide to conjure up.
[ another quiet laugh, because damian is so exposed now that dextera has seen the chatty, friendly nature of his heart. he must have lived quite a life (though dextera knew this) to end up like this, even though his core is so much more open. ]
I don’t think it’s humiliating. Your heart… is lush. That’s good.
[Good GOD. Heat crawls hastily up into Damian's face, and he pinches it disgruntledly.] Spare me the embarrassing compliments. [But it sounds flat in comparison to real anger and irritation. Clearly, he doesn't mind it.]
[ this is the damian he’s familiar with. that expression like he just ate a lemon, the angry little blush on his cheeks—when dextera compares the two, strangely, he finds that he would rather speak to this one.
seeing damian with his heart open was nice, but it sort of seems like eating dessert for every meal. ]
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ouch is one of the most intimate, romantic ways to be close to someone else. The Town knows this very well -- the Town wants everyone to be as close as possible.
no subject
A stag. That's a boy deer. He's really big, huh? It must mean he's pretty strong. He has big antlers, too. So he's old [sorry guren] and strong. The babies are fawn. They have little spots, see? [Oh.
Damian watches Dextera again for a moment, and then he stands up without pulling Dextera up with him. Carefully, he winds his arms around Dextera's neck and gives Dextera a squeezingly childish hug.]
Okay, come on. I'm not scared if you're with me.
[He offers Dextera his hand when he leans back.]
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…ah…
[ the hug is unexpected and warm, and dextera looks back at damian—almost awestruck by it. he’s going to remember this sensation forever, he thinks. ]
…he won’t hurt you, as long as you don’t call him old.
[ that’s dextera’s advice, and he takes damian’s hand with a slightly brighter smile. ]
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[Maybe.
With Dextera's hand in his, he helps Dextera up and they ease out of the brush and the path into the clearing. There's no surprise by the suddenly tense, stand-offish nature of Guren. The whole area gets a blanket of silence, and the fawn become like statues.
But Damian presses on, very careful and gentle, leading Dextera and not talking. They make it to the other edge of the pool of water to stand, and the fawn by Guren's side must be Yuu. It edges out from its hiding place behind Guren's long legs and peers at the two of them with curious scrutiny. Suddenly, it takes off like a bullet around the edge of the water, worriedly startling Guren and the others. It has to be Yuu, heading straight for Damian.] Wai--
Don't-- Wait! Wait-- [Damian has to let Dextera go and put both hands up, hunched some. The fawn hits him head-first with its nubby horns, and the two of them bowl over onto the grass. Damian's heart, slaughtered by an optimistic baby deer.
Except, Damian lets out a loud, playful round of laughter and rolls over to try to shield his face and head from a romping, butting deer.] Okay! Okay! Geez... [Why is he being bullied.]
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[ dextera doesn’t get a long look at the deer, considering its reckless movement, but he makes an educated guess that this one—well, maybe damian did meet yuu after all. that’s good. he wishes yuu were still in town, too, but dextera is glad that they’re immortalized in damian’s heart like this.
…maybe?
it looks like damian is having fun, even with such a wild little thing, and dextera laughs too, despite himself. he shouldn’t let the deer go too crazy, considering how small damian is here in his heart, but… a few seconds is fine. only when those seconds pass does dextera approach the two boys, guren’s tension momentarily forgotten. ]
…
[ he pats yuu’s flank, to get his attention, and signs something over the deer’s “shoulder” at damian. ]
Friends?
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Much like a puppy, the fawn startles gently at having its attention distracted by the pat. Unfortunately, Yuu steps all up on Damian and to the other side in the escape. Damian thankfully doesn't seem to mind tiny hooves, and he brushes himself off while nodding at Dextera.] Yeah. I don't know him very well, but... I guess we're friends. [Their real meeting went almost exactly like this.
Behind them, very close, the stag snorts loudly. Damian sits up straight, and the fawn tucks tail and trots quickly back behind the stag. The rest of the fawn have filed over in a huddle, and they seem more like baby ducks following a mother than baby deer.
Damian glances from the stag up at Dextera, and then he looks back.] Hi. This is my friend Dextera. He's really nice. We came to see the waterfall. [The stag turns a rather intelligent pair of eyes at Dextera, watchful, and then it snorts more gently this time. Maybe it's a "ha ha."
After a moment, it lowers its head to brandish the furry flat of its forehead between the antlers.]
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…
[ it… is asking to be pet, maybe. dextera thinks so. he’d paused for permission when it was with raven, but even though this is all damian’s creation, he feels like he has a little more permission when it comes to this representation of guren.
he sighs softly, fondly. ]
Come closer.
[ he gestures to damian, beckoning him, before gently placing his hand on the stag’s head. just holding it there, and then he strokes his thumb along the fur. ]
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I feel sad when I see him sometimes. I don't know why. It feels like... I miss him. It's weird.
[The stag finally brings its head down a bit more, but when Damian goes to pet, the stag snorts a smack of soft, hot air in Damian's face. Ah yes. Such was their relationship. Damian "wahs" and turns his head away, but he's partially smiling as he rubs his face with his forearm.] Yuck. Your breath smells. [A smelly old man stag. Gross.
The stag lifts its head back up and bumps Dextera in the middle of the chest with its snout. Even deer Guren fancies Dextera. Figures.]
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he smiles down at damian, their hands joined, and so he’s a little distracted when the guren-stag bumps against his chest. ]
—!
[ but then, he relaxes, and his gaze softens as he pets the stag under its chin, cradling its face for a moment with his free hand. it’s nice, to be able to do this, even if it’s just an illusion. ]
Thank you. [ to the stag, and then he turns to damian. ] He likes you. I can tell.
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He's really strong and he's brave. [Damian's hand grows warm. The gentle light blanketing him around the edges returns, but this time, it slowly gets more bright, or maybe it's seeping inward from the outside.] And sometimes, he's dumb and doesn't take care of himself, but he wants to help everyone else. And even if he's worried, he doesn't show it, so you aren't worried, too. [The light consumes Damian until he's nothing more than that, growing. He's bigger, slightly. His voice is somewhat deeper, more familiar.]
Frankly, he's an imbecile more often than not.
[The glow dies away as slowly as it came, leaving behind a thirteen year old boy with a sour face and a stream of tears, holding Dextera by the hand without letting go.] A self-sacrificing fool who cared too much about everyone else instead of himself, especially you. I still want to kill him for not letting us at least say goodbye. [As if they had a choice.] But... I'll miss his old, ugly, annoying ass.
[The stag and all the fawn don't move, just continue to look at the two of them. The edges of the clearing with the pool, the edges of the island completely, begin to crack and crumble, rushing inward to meet him and Dextera. Everything disappears until nothing is left but a slowly fading stag that snorts derisively at the both of them.]
He hasn't left us. We can still keep going.
[Even in the town again, Damian doesn't immediately let go of Dextera's hand. He does, however, reach up with his other to try to get rid of the wetness to his cheeks.]
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he wishes he could have stayed a little longer, to socialize with that stag, but it’s fine. it was enough. just as damian’s heart holds guren within it… maybe dextera’s can, too. ]
…
[ ah, it hurts. ]
It’s OK to cry.
[ dextera does all the time, after all. damian has seen it. he’s probably seeing it now, before dextera quickly lifts his own hand to brush away the tears threatening to drown his face. with his other, he squeezes damian’s hand, taking advantage of these last vestiges of vulnerability before damian’s tween pride kicks in. ]
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The core of him feels raw, but not painful. A little too warm maybe, like sunburn. Being able to let his heart say what it really wanted... It felt good. Refreshing. Something stuffed too full being opened, a pressure released. He may not be any more open than he had been before, or he may continue to struggle with saying his true feelings. It'll be okay. He's trying.
Breathing a very quiet sigh, he glances up at Dextera.]
I'm sorry... I can't bring him back.
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so he shakes his head. ]
He’s here.
[ dextera touches his fingers to damian’s chest, his heart. then, ]
And here.
[ his own. ]
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Yeah. [One hand lingers by his chest, gently rubbing the touched spot with his knuckles. The journey was almost like a dream, but the feelings linger after waking.] ...Don't tell anyone. [He doesn't look up.] Okay?
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I can’t talk.
[ he taps his throat, with an expression edging toward “sheepish.” ]
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But eventually, his lips break out into a weak smirk.]
Don't ever say a joke that bad ever again. [A pause, then quickly amending:] Not even with your hands.
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[ dextera almost took it back, worried that he might be infringing on some delicate topic even though it’s his own voice that’s in the balance here, but then damian gives him that little smirk and a cheeky correction, and dextera thus can’t help but laugh.
it’s not the full laugh he might have been able to give a month ago, but it’s there. he’s trying, in more ways than one.
he spreads his fingers, holding up his hands perfectly innocently. his smile might be a little watery, his eyes tired, but how strange it is that going into someone else’s personal little niche of the heart helped him this much. damian is good at these things, surely better than he thinks it is. it must be all the love hiding in there.
then, ]
Your secret… is safe. I promise.
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Now don't bump into me again for a week.
[It would be okay, if it were Dextera, though. He trusts Dextera more than most people here.] I don't want to see what other horrendously humiliating things about me the town could possibly decide to conjure up.
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I don’t think it’s humiliating. Your heart… is lush. That’s good.
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That wasn't even the real me.
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seeing damian with his heart open was nice, but it sort of seems like eating dessert for every meal. ]
It seemed a lot like you.