awashlogs | january catch-all log

Thanks for agreeing to try this out with me.

[ Reasonably, what's the worst that could come out of this sort of quest? Someone becomes as strong as a gem? Phos can't imagine that it's a bad deal, as long as they get to try out having some cool new ability as well.. Which is why it makes sense to ask someone they remember being helpful from before— and now that they're in Phos's cottage together, they offer Honebami a confused smile. ]

So.. are we just supposed to close our eyes and yell "SWAP!" or something, though?

[ Yeah, this is one of those times where he wished Quests were a bit more descriptive in how to do them, but it can't be too difficult. They really aren't. ]

Maybe. Let's hold our hands too.

[ ... Oh yeah, Phos has those very shiny metallic arms, does it look childish to want to touch them? ]

I used that to pass on memories to people, like others could do. It's not that far-fetched.

Oh, good idea.

[ And just like that, Phos offers a golden hand out for Honebami to hold. They've long gotten used to people wanting to touch the alloy just out of curiosity, anyway. ]

Let's do it on the count of three.

[ Hand in hand, sword spirit and frankenrock! ]

One... Two... Three.

[ He was expecting a flash of some sort, to be honest. Look that what the Saniwa magic does when swords are summoned and they're teleported through history...

But the sparkles reflecting into Phos are from... Him? He tilts his head to watch the fleck of light move, along with his side bangs that are now moonstone. Sadly, he does not have the powder yet to not be entirely sparkle... Nor an understanding of his new arms that spread on the floor, ack. Don't mind him as he sits down, it's heavy! Even then... ]

...How are you doing?

Swap!

[ Eyes squeezed shut, they don't feel the change when it takes place. Nothing is out of the ordinary until the unmistakable chill of metal seeps into the hand that's held in Honebami's own, right as it seeps out of shape and onto the floor.

They don't hold back the startled yell when they open their eyes and find that Honebami has completely turned into a gem, save for his arms of gold. ]

Again?! [ This is twice now they've gotten someone else turned into a gem, and— in all their panic, Phos has only just now realized their hands felt cold a moment ago. Glancing down at their now very human limbs, they make another strangled noise of shock. ]

What did you do to me?!

You're a tsukumogami now. I have a human body, but it's not quite the same as one— Oh, here.

[ HONEBAMI ACTING CRAZY CALM DESPITE THE PUDDLE OF ARM. But, his own sword is now different-looking (and up to Phos for how it looks), so he passes it on to Phos by... making a wave with the gold alloy, pushing it towards his quest buddy. ]

Phospho-san... I want to ask that too. What am I?

I'm a tsukumogwuh?

[ The sword that is pushed into their hands is nearly identical to the swords they use at the school back home— a blade of obsidian, not steel, and a pure white hilt. It feels familiar in their hands, even more than it did in the past. The sight of it in their new hands is odd, but they glance up after a moment to have a better look at Honebami and answer his question. ]

You're a gem.. Moonstone, by the look of it. [ uh. except for the very obvious agate legs and metal arms still pooled on the floor. they wince. ] Mostly.

Edited 2019-01-19 08:51 (UTC)

When an object lives for 100 years, it can gain sentience. That's a tsu-ku-mo-ga-mi. That sword is now you, so please, don't break it.

...It's beautiful, by the way.

[ A lovely black sword like Pho's... He is very serious about that warning. But at the same time, he settles
down at getting an answer... And this is all a lot to take but so very entrancing. ]

Moonstone... That sounds like a jewel. But my arms, and maybe my legs... That must be the mostly different part.

[ He'll attempt to shape his arms into arms... And he gets two seaweed leaves wiggling up from the puddle. He almost wants to laugh. ]

That's amazing..

[ And a little daunting, truthfully. Being told specifically not to break something feels like a responsibility that's one size too big for them, but they nod in understanding all the same and pull the blade close. ]

Well, yeah.. It's a little complicated to explain, but when we swapped, it looks like you wound up with the same parts my gem body has after I lost the originals.

[ h.. how embarrassing. ]

But you'll have to be careful too, since you'll shatter if you're hit too hard. Moonstone and agate are pretty sturdy, but the alloy can shield you from anything just in case.. [ looking down at it now though, uh. ]

Maybe we should practice controlling it..? It's heavy, right?

[ Okay, now he laughs softly. ]

So we know not to break ourselves.

[ Frankly he'd be terrified to. But after making his not-quite wave about, time to take this seriously. For now, let's try to un-puddle the alloy. It's actually going well on that front. ]

Yes. Gold is a heavy and soft metal, that's what this looks like.

[ Slowly, he'll make something that looks like a rudimentary pair of arms. Sorry phos, he'll accidentally tab him in the process. ]

Right! But if anything happens, I'll glue you back together.

[ Just so he knows that's, like, a thing they can do if any accidents should occur. ]

Ah, yeah. It's gold and platinum, actually.. It was supposed to be temporary but I just got used to it? [ Watching and feeling it on the other side is a little weird though.. Phos might frown, if not for the fact they need to be cheering on Honebami's attempt at Making Arms right now. ]

That's good! If it ever misbehaves, maybe just yell at the metal's inclusions? That worked for me.

[ Sorry, he's going to... shudder at the thought of being glued together. Too weird! Breaking is normally just permadeath for him. Alright though, enough sitting around! Honebami attempts to get up with the help of his allow appendages... Only for them to bend and give way. He lands right on Phos... Whoops. ]

Please cooperate with me... Hm, what are inclusions? For swords, they're not always good to have in steel... But they're alive here.

[ Maybe they're the tsukumogami in a gem. ]

[ They are So Ready to congratulate Honebami on standing with the agate legs and getting the gold to cooperate, right until he's toppling over onto them. Oof. ]

H-heavy..! [ They thought they could catch him to help with the balance, but instead Phos feels the strain of being unable to lift him much at all. They're still on their feet, just barely, but propping Honebami up is straining them. ] I mean, cooperating..!

[ They're still on their feet, just barely, but propping Honebami up is straining their explanation. ]

Inclusions.. are organisms that became part of the gem they're in! In the sea! Over hundreds of years..!

Edited 2019-01-25 07:07 (UTC)

Very heavy, I admire your strength, Phos-san.

[ He's trying! To get up! COOPERATE YOU LITTLE INCLUSIONS!

Oh wow does metal screaming work? Really though he just doesn't want to crush the poor swap buddy here. Also congratulations are nice!!! Anyway, he's off now, and standing properly! He even pats Pho on the shoulder with his arm. ]

They're... Okay. Speaking of sea organisms... Are you hungry?

Thanks.. It's definitely your strength, though..?

[ That is to say, humans are so much weaker than they thought.. But it would be rude to voice that aloud so Phos is just going to take the compliment and catch their breath once Honebami isn't leaning on them anymore. ]

I think you got it! But I don't really need to eat— [ as if in reply, their stomach gurgles.

ah. ]

..Is that what that means?

[ He's only half-human though! The other half is sword... ah, details, details though. The growl of a soft lends itself to a quiet pause by Honebami, before he tilts his head with a short laugh, hair sparkling in a wait that's reminiscent of Dia, thanks to similar hairstyles. ]

Yes. Thankfully for you, I don't need to eat as much or often as normal humans. But please do eat, an empty stomach is distracting.

[ Conveniently, Honebami has something on hand as a snack, reaching into his jacket pocket. Taking off the wrap, it's a small little riceball, and he then holds it out to Phos. ]

You're super bright.. I'll show you how to put powder on after this.

[ This feels a little like déjà vu, watching Honebami's white hair catch the light and fill Phos's eyes with glittery radiance. It's a good thing they're inside where it's dim enough to not be blinding. ]

Oh, this is food? [ Gratefully, they take the riceball into their own hands and hold it up for inspection. It's one of the strangest foods they've seen yet, and they look past it to fix Honebami with a concerned face. ]

I just bite it, then chew and swallow, right?

[ back to hiding his face. The curse of being a gem that reflects many colors, a little more softly than a diamond, but still, a bright little rock like the moon. ]

Yeah. I don't think you can choke on it if it's rice, but make sure not to breathe through your mouth when you chew an swallow. Go slowly, it'll taste better, too.

[ He smiles a bit through his fingers, but his voice sounds tender and nostalgic. ]

I remember eating something for the first time. It was a rice dish, and very good.

Just eating sounds so dangerous and complicated..

[ How big of a bite should they take? How do they breathe out from just their nose while chewing?> When should they swallow??? It's terrifying, and Phos fixes the rice ball with a look of furrowed concentration as they bring it to their mouth.

Tossing one last look of determination towards Honebami, they take a bite and chew slowly, thoughtfully, before looking surprised. ]

..Mmpf!! [ yeah they're about to talk with a mouthful of food, sorry. ] It's really good!

[ Even though it's the middle of the night, and this new body is aching for sleep, Phos is wide awake. Everything feels different as a human. Whenever Phos glances down at their hands— real, human hands— and flexes the muscle and sinew to curl into fists, they feel the lurking uneasiness they'd felt after seeing the lab of human particles on the moon. All the panic and anxiety about making sure everything meant to be happening back home was still okay had been forgotten about after being here for so long. Continuously caught up in the town's contained universe, Phos had been too distracted to remember they needed to return to their own. Faced with such drastic change, the weight of it has begun to settle again.

Dragging themselves out of bed, they carry their blankets with them like a shawl ( cold, they remember this sensation, being a human is awful, ) as they cross the cottage to Cairngorm's room. But instead of letting themselves in as usual, they stand there for a moment, subdued by the uncomfortable way their chest seems to constrict with each breath. It's an even longer moment until they muster the courage to bring a shaking hand to knock against the door and open it just a fraction, just enough that they can peer inside. They have to tell Cairngorm about the moon. They have to go home. ]

..Are you asleep?

[ Cairngorm, too, has been distracted from the issue of returning home. Well, truthfully, if they're being honest, they haven't been trying very hard to find a way home since they got here - what did they have to go back to? The quickly intensifying conflict between Sensei and Phos? The truth about Lunarians and the moon? More painfully lonely winters? They'll follow Phos to the end of the world, of course. They have to, it's their duty. But sometimes, they don't want to go back to that bleak and painful world, not when they actually feel like they can be someone here. To the people here, they're just Cairngorm, and they wouldn't have ever realized how pleasant that could be if they'd never been brought here in the first place. As usual, though, it's not a matter of what they want.

Like Phos, being human has made them think about it all. Mortality, immortality. It's been keeping them awake, frankly. There's a little jump in their chest when they suddenly hear Phos's knock and voice from where they're laying in bed. ]

...I'm trying to be.

[ This is a step up from waking up to Phos right at their bedside, they suppose. Groggily, they run their hand through their hair, pushing themself up on one arm and squinting in the dark across the room to their partner. There's an uncomfortable feeling of dread in their stomach, if only because this scenario hits too close to home already. ]

What is it?

Edited 2019-01-10 06:41 (UTC)

[ That seems like as good permission as any to step into the room fully, closing the door behind them with a soft click. Across the floor, their footfalls are as quiet and weightless as they've never been before now, no longer heavy with stone and gold.

This feels so opposite of how they remember waking Cairngorm up right before they left. Phos had felt more certain then, and not plagued with all the tells of the very real, very organic anxiety that's making their heart pound and their head spin. To steady themselves, they take a seat at the foot of the bed and take one last look at the door, as if weighing the the choice to stay or go. ]

I need to talk to you.

[ Carding their fingers through their hair, they turn their gaze onto Cairngorm fully. Some part of them was expecting to share this information under better circumstances, because the moon is the only hope they have right now, and yet Phos cannot find it in themselves to break through the tired seriousness of their current expression. On a shaky exhale, they continue:]

About the moon. About what I saw there.

[ They can't hide the way their eyes widen a fraction at that, and how more dread washes over them, settling in heavy against their shoulders. There's a reason they hadn't wanted to hear anything Phos wanted to say back at home - going beyond just their exhaustion. The more they get involved, the more they feel certain that they'll get dragged into this entire mess. Gems aren't fond of change, Cairngorm in particular. But Phos, and their plan with the moon, whatever it is, will undoubtedly radically change their life (again).

They purposefully wait a few beats to answer, hugging themself out of nervous anticipation. ]

...Why now?

[ They can't make themself push back, and there's not really any feasible way to avoid this. The most they can do is try to understand why this is suddenly relevant, when Phos had been adamant about only dropping little hints here and there to the other gems, and even making an effort to keep hush about it here in Chroma. Cairngorm saw through it at home, but not everyone did. Because of that, they can only imagine that what they're about to hear isn't pleasant. ]

[ Before they can help it, a nervous laugh drags itself from their depths of their chest as their expression reveals a sad, helpless sort of exhaustion. Their shoulders sag forward from the weight of the burden they're about to share with Cairngorm, hesitating only to align their thoughts into some coherent explanation. ]

Being like this made me realize.. if I somehow die or get broken apart here, I won't be able to get home and save everyone. If time has stopped there they might still be okay, but if not..

[ They trail off, realizing they're only going to talk in circles unless they start with the real truth of the matter. The bundle of nerves rattling in their chest that would normally manifest itself in tremors of alloy instead has them grasping the blankets of Cairngorm's bed in tight, anxious fists. ]

The night you agreed to go to the moon with me, you would have found out right away. I was going to tell everyone as soon as we got there, since seeing it is the only way you could understand.

[ They thought they could face Cairngorm for this, but something about the reveal burns too much to look anywhere but away from them. ]

Everyone that's ever been taken to the moon was ground into dust that covers the surface of the moon. The shards we've been collecting all this time were just fakes.

Edited 2019-01-17 08:30 (UTC)

[ The thing about being partnered with Phos is that over time, its become easier and easier to pick up on when they're joking around, and when they're not. It doesn't make them feel great to see the other so grave and serious - and while they've appeared before them like this before breaking out into a careless smile, there's nothing in the other's voice that hints that this is anything but the real truth. Their hand clenches in the covers, bracing for the impact of whatever Phos's reveal will be.

And then, they lay it all out at once. ]

...Ground to dust?

[ It's true that Phos seems deathly serious here, but that doesn't make anything they said any easier to accept. Their eyes grow wide as they let it sink into them, heavy and awful, and they feel for the first time the sensation of their heart dropping, a cold sweat breaking out on their skin. Everyone they've ever lost - ground to dust and layed into the ground like they were nothing. All those shards them and Ghost had so diligently cared for over the centuries were all imitations. It's so absurd that they have trouble processing all of it at once, so their responses are delayed, their voice shaky and raw when they speak again. ]

How do you know?

[ This is what Phos had been hiding from the other gems, so they must feel pretty certain that this is the truth. But it's so hard to believe without seeing it - or maybe they don't want to believe it. Cairngorm didn't believe in the possibility of gems ever returning from the moon, but hearing it confirmed in explicit terms is unexpectedly heartbreaking. ]

[ Some part of Phos had been wishing for Cairngorm to simply be angry with them for finding this out, for hiding it all this time and for only deciding to tell them now. They don't know what to do with the hurt, shocked expression that spreads across their face instead, or the unsteadiness plaguing their voice which each question. If they had simply punched them in this moment instead, the same way as when they had lost Ghost, Phos thinks it would be easier to continue on.

But this was never going to be easy, was it? They knew that from the start. ]

The Lunarians.. [ They pause, struggling to swallow with how dry their mouth feels. Every part of their body feels like it's trembling, unable to keep still while Phos forces themselves to continue. ] They can talk like we do, and I spoke to their leader. He showed me a piece of synthetic Antarcticite..

[ Even now, they can visualize it, that fraction of their face being dropped into the grinder and coming out as nothing more than dust, and what if it wasn't synthetic at all but the real Antarc and— suddenly, Phos turns to look at Cairngorm again, pulling themselves out of the memory of that moment with a sick expression. ]

They have a machine that they drop the shards into and it breaks them into dust. I saw it with my own eyes.. And this entire time, they've only been taking us away and breaking us apart because they want something from Sensei. It has nothing to do with us.

[ Even with Phos's further explanation, a million questions flood their head. Why hadn't communicating worked before? What's the point in grinding up the gems? Why hadn't Phos ended up like all the others? Their lips draw into a tight line, the crease in their forehead becoming ever deeper, but they don't look away from their partner - in fact, their gaze hardens, studying their body language. They need to be stern here, and be the voice of reason. They can't go falling apart. ]

They told you all of this? And you believe what they said?

[ The Lunarians. Cairngorm is of the stern opinion that anything a Lunarian has to say must be met with a healthy dose of caution, regardless of what Phos had seen. It isn't that they don't believe in what Phos saw - but if they're being realistic, there's no way to know if all of that is really true. ]

I mean— how can taking us away get anything from Sensei to begin with....?

[ Maybe if they understood that, they would understand more why Phos is so willing to believe the likes of their enemy. Most of the gems accepted that Sensei knew something about Lunarians that the rest of the gems didn't, but Cairngorm themself had never traveled very far down that rabbit hole outside of pondering the occasional hint from Lapis's musings. ]

[ Now, there it is. Seeing Cairngorm's expression harden, their rationality rearing its head, Phos is reminded again of why they can't help but need their partner in the mess of this situation. Crawling further back onto Cairngorm's bed, they pull their knees up to their chest and rest their chin there, arms drawn over their legs to feel more put together than they do right now. ]

I don't think they told me everything. But why would they show me that or let me leave if some part of it weren't true?

[ But Cairngorm's next question prods at the raw feelings of Phos's decision and agreement with the Lunarians. They nearly wince, if not for the cold gaze pinning them in place. This explanation is half of what their plan hangs on. Before they speak again, Phos straightens up a little, steeling their voice to convince not only Cairngorm, but also themselves of this information again. ]

Sensei is a machine, but he's stopped working properly. The Lunarians thought if they shook him up enough by taking what he cares about, he would begin his work again. [ It's not as confident sounding as they would have preferred, but Phos is keeping it together. ]

I even confronted Sensei about being a tool made by humans and he said it was true. This whole time, he's been the reason we have to fight and lose our friends.. It made too much sense for me not to want to help them.

[ When Phos crawls farther into their bed, they find themself curling their legs closer to themself, if only to give the other more room. It's also still just cold, and their hand rubs their own arm through the sweater they're wearing, if only to give themself something to do while they try to make sense of what Phos is saying. ]

Sensei is... a machine?

[ If they'd learned this fact at home, it'd be harder to conceptualize and understand. But here, in Chroma, they have the privilege of knowing other functioning machines - and kind, helpful ones at that. So outside of the shock, the idea doesn't sit with them that poorly, especially since most gems had come to accept that Sensei was different from the rest of them somehow, be it in knowledge or form.

There's something much more troubling on the table, first. ]

If he was built by humans, then... [ They look troubled for a second, searching for the right way to phrase this. ] ...There were humans, before us gems.

[ That's not that hard to piece together given the clues Phos has dropped for them, and with their already existing knowledge of machines - it's common knowledge among gems that many life forms on their planet had been wiped out in series of extinctions brought on by meteors, afterall. They'd just never considered the possibility that humans were one of those species, and the shock shows plain on their pale features. ]

That still doesn't— how does that have anything to do with the Lunarians? Is he supposed to be working for them?

[ What can Sensei do for the Lunarians that they can't do themselves? That's what's missing here. ]

Do you remember that thing we saw before, the person that came out of the sunspot that Sensei wouldn't cut down? He called it "professor", and the Lunarians said they were trying to make it resemble the human who built him.

[ Talking about it aloud, Phos feels less crazy and paranoid than they have in awhile. The pieces of information they have feel like they're aligned in a way that can reveal the truth to them eventually. But the relief that comes with this is followed quick by the guilt of involving Cairngorm again, making them doubt Sensei after all this time.

Softly, their voice drops as if musing more to themselves, just loud enough for Cairngorm to hear. ]

But if what the Lunarians and the Admirabilis said is true, then we came from humans, too. The meteor that broke the planet for the sixth time and split them into three. It drove them into the sea. [ Warily, they glance down at their hands to inspect the skin there, and then do the same to Cairngorm's own. ]

We're the "bones" and the Admirabilis are the "flesh", and Lunarians are the "spirit" that Sensei was built to pray for. He isn't working for them, but they need him. I don't particularly understand it, but they don't want to exist on the moon anymore and need Sensei to pray for them so they can finally become nothing.

[ One last pause, feeling their frustration and helplessness at being stuck here rise after making so much progress in their plan. Everyone back home could be in trouble, and yet, here they are— too human now to even wait out this town. Meeting Cairngorm's gaze again, it feels more like a confession than an explanation. ]

I was leading us to the moon so that we could cooperate with the Lunarians against Sensei.

[ Crisis about their creation and evolution from humans aside, what Phos says last bothers them most, maybe out of habitual desire to keep things the way they are. They don't remember agreeing to go to the moon, after all, so of course they are (way) more reluctant to go along with a plan as cunning as going directly against Sensei. ]

You're serious...?

[ Something about their voice seems uncharacteristically raw, and weak, like the sentence itself is being ripped out of them. They hate this. They hate being tangled in all of this; they don't know what part. Maybe it's that deep inside, they know they'll have to see this treacherous path Phos is leading them onto through to the end, regardless of what they want for themself. Or maybe it's that they just hate that Phos does this - throwing themself into danger left and right in the pursuit of the truth, peace, and now war.

Their hand comes to cover their eyes for a moment, letting out a shaky breath. This is making them feel sick, and they have to admit this is the most physically uncomfortable they've felt since this ltitle switch. ]

What is your end goal? "Against Sensei"— [ They drop their hand again, looking at Phos almost desperately. ] I mean, do you even know what they mean by that? Or are you just believing everything they say?

[So despite it being freezing cold outside and despite Snow, laundry still has to get done. Which is why Minato's out and about with a large bucket of water in his arms, which he's trying to drag back home.

However, we all know how these sorts of set-ups have to go.

Minato is not particularly graceful most of the time, and today is no different; he stumbles over something, and then he (and the bucket), are going tumbling.

Hopefully not onto Phos, that'd suck.]

[ If this were anyone but Phos, Minato and the bucket would have missed.

Instead, they thrust their arms forward in an attempt to deflect the person/bucket combo heading their way, only to belatedly realize they have no alloy to spread into a shield. With a yell, they get the brunt of the hit by catching the bucket ( and the water ) against their chest, followed by having it sandwiched in by its owner. ]

Wha— [ oh god. it's f r e e z i n g. ] What are you doing? What was that for?!

Edited 2019-01-22 01:01 (UTC)

[Oops... oops. Minato definitely hadn't been expecting them to just...catch it, so the way that he thunks right into the barrel and Phos alike is a little more startling than expected.

He wheezes, clutching the side of the bucket.]

S-sorry... Are...are you okay?

[ They wheeze in turn, but it comes out as more of a chattering of teeth. ]

I.. I'm not broken anywhere, am I? [ Force of habit while peering down at themselves from around the bucket, but no. Still human and still in tact. They sigh in relief. ]

Geez.. You're not hurt, are you? Did you slip?

"Broken"...?

[Minato pauses, and then shakes his head quickly.]

No, I'm fine. Um--are you like Cairngorm-san, then?

[Phos seems awfully squishy, though...

Also the teeth-chattering is very concerning.]

... Never mind, you must be cold. Let's get inside first, okay?

That's right—- well, not right now..

[ Their brow furrows in a way that plainly says it's complicated, and they're grateful for the suggestion to go inside rather than explain out here and freeze to death. ]

Y-yeah.. But I think I'll hold the bucket though, just to be safe.

[ they don't want anyone else to suffer this fate. ]

Edited 2019-01-31 08:18 (UTC)

january catch-all log

QUEST 43 / HONEBAMI

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CAIRNGORM / hnk spoilers beyond ch52

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gimme human phos

ask and ye shall receive

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