[ open ]

[shizun]

WHO: Shen Qingqiu and ANYONE.
WHERE: All around the Town.
WHEN: Fairytale Event + Quest.
WHAT: This is all the fairytale options.
WARNINGS: None that I can think of!

I. Evil Queen?!

[ He is unhappy. How did things come to pass like this?

a. There is suddenly a large mirror in the residence he shares with Keigo Asano. He did not bring it there yet it refers to him as master. I didn't buy you! Don't you go calling people shit like that and expect it to fly! Not only does it call him master -- "Mistress" -- but it seems to delight in telling him just who is better than him in looks. Look, my face is not the most handsome or beautiful, but it doesn't deserve to be berated like this! How does one elegantly break a mirror while in a dress?

b. Shen Qingqiu is a modern Chinese man. This means that he actually knows the story of Snow White. It is why when he is suddenly whisked away to the door of someone's house -- which already has had the door knocked upon -- he immediately recognizes the item in his hand is a BAD END APPLE. Who has it out for these princesses and why are there so many!? ]

II. Fairy godmother now?! Pick a character and stick with it, already!

[ Does someone have a problem? Small? Big? It doesn't matter -- the man has started to become D-O-N-E with whatever madness is going on, but he also knows how to read the room. Everyone is done with things, but there's nothing that they can do but play along. I know, I know. I've suffered this, too. Are you guys also having Systems telling you not to break the rules? I feel for you. Mine's dormant but here we are. Hello. Wave to the audience! ]

So. What can I do for you? [ Shen Qingqiu says this with a straight-face. In that, he always says things with a straight-face. Grace etched into his calm expression -- even though he is wearing a puffy blue dress and holding a wand. ]

III. And the role of the wolf goes to -- you got to be kidding me.

[ Shen Qingqiu is starting to understand the set up for this scenario. I get it, Airplane-bro. This is torture if I was the original goods. Indeed, if the real Shen Qingqiu was in this situation, he would have vomited blood at least four times a day by now just due to insult alone. Thankfully, he is not the original but that doesn't mean he isn't choking back the blood he wants to spit.

The ridiculous outfit of the wolf is one that offends every sense except touch. It's quite soft. Comfortable. And if it was a pajama option that no one knew about, he absolutely would choose it! It's really surprisingly cozy in this thing! He would like to say -- and he's happy for it, since he's naked underneath! Naked save for some boxers, but naked all the same!

a. Again, he's lucky that he's a modern Chinese man. He knows exactly why he suddenly ends up in the bed of some person. Because that's the set up for the story. The wolf is waiting in the bed of the grandmother so that he can eat Red Riding Hood. He gets it. He gets it, okay?! But this isn't right! This is the kind of thing that'll ruin his reputation! Especially since he isn't sharing the bed alone!

b. He's in someone's closet. Of course, he is. Of course! He's supposed to leap out and devour the person 'cause that's part of the story! Listen here. I'm not doing it. I'm not. You can forget it. But that means, if he doesn't do it, he just has to wait until the hunter comes to kill him. Guess so. Wait! Wait! Don't just kill me off here! The wolf needs to eat, too! Is that any reason to be so violent!?

On that note, he exits the closet with as much poise and control as one can in the outfit that he is in. He looks to who is now in the room with him. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Please don't be the woodsman! Please don't! I don't want a violent end like that! I've barely escaped the violent end I'm avoiding right now! ]

Comments

III

[queenofminiskirts]

[Kaoru is a deep sleeper so she doesn't notice immediately that there was suddenly someone else there. In fact, she had probably been clinging to his arm at some point.

When she woke up, she blinked and there was a moment of confusion because...who was this? It wasn't Shiho and it wasn't Kyrie whom she had invaded the room of once or twice while sleep walking. She sat up, looking to the face.

Then screamed when she realized an unknown man was in her bed!!!

She threw out a hand and sends him flying hard enough to crack the wall and create a vaguely human sized crater.]

Pervert!

[shizun]

[ His panic meter is at an all time high, even if his expression doesn't share the same level. He is frozen stiff due to some young girl hugging his arm as she is sleeping. Shen Qingqiu looks around the room to try to figure out how he can get out of this situation. Should I wake her? No, no! That absolutely would look lecherous! He can see big, red signs telling him that is the worst decision.

But also, he feels a rush of indignation and worry for the young woman. How can you be so defenseless! Don't you realize that the person in your bed isn't someone you know?! It seems like his thoughts are able to cause her to awaken. Yes, yes! That's the kind of response you should have! Don't let someone get away with this!

He is pleased she has some senses but he realizes only two seconds too late that he's the person she's screaming about. It is two seconds after that he is sent slamming straight into a wall. Thankfully, he's used to swallowing mouthfuls of blood and so does so readily rather that spit it out. It's rude enough that I'm in here! I don't want to leave something she has to clean up! ]

Ugh. [ Sliding down off the wall, he collapses into a pile on the floor. Still, he holds his hand against his mouth. No. Okay, okay. I'm good. Good in the sense only that he's not bleeding in this nice girl's room. And he isn't sure why he was worried about that and not the fact that his reputation is being ruined right now with her screaming about him. ]

[queenofminiskirts]

[She was waiting for a denial that...never came? What?

She's practised enough with her powers that she knew exactly how hard she could slam a person against a wall without doing any permanent damage. Mostly because she had done this a lot when she was ten.

But accidents happen and in the back of her mind she could almost hear Minamoto lecturing her. You could easily have apprehended him or disarmed him by getting him off his feet, you know.

She's still frowning at him suspiciously as she floats off the bed and towards him.]

Hey...you're not dying, right?

[Even if he were a pervert she didn't want to have killed him!?]

[shizun]

This teacher will live.

[ He pushes himself back to lean against the wall. His eyes close for a second before looking up to see that she's actually floating. What?! Nothing really changes on his face, however, beyond his eyebrows lifting just a little in response.

But there's something more important! ]

I apologize for frightening you. I don't know how I had ended up where I did, but I apologize for it.

[ Ahhhhh! That hardly sounds like a real excuse! It sounds like I got drunk somewhere and whoops! But it's true! I don't know how I got to where I am. I really fucking don't! Shen Qingqiu can only hope that the aloof, majestic air that he usually gives off helps to give credit to his explanation. What man that has this aura would be wearing this outfit! You see! It's a set up! A FUCKING SET UP! Why! Why!? ]

[queenofminiskirts]

['This teacher'? She's relieved though, that he's not in danger of dying...just unflappable, apparently?]

That sounds like something a pervert caught sneaking into a maiden's bed would say! I don't know how I got there...it wasn't my fault...I'm not the murderer. [That list sure escalated quickly.

She's doesn't actually think he's a pervert. No one who was actually a pervert would try that excuse (maybe) besides, she's been here long enough that she can guess what happened.

Mostly, she just wants to see how unflappable this guy is...because she would have expected more of a reaction by now.

She crosses her arms and leans back...looking like she's just sitting in mid air.]

And what are you even wearing? It wasn't enough to be a pervert but you wanted to be a furry too? Or do you just have a onesies fetish?

I

[pyrafect]

[ Pyra, still stuck in her prince outfit, had hoped to get a little bit of a break in the comfort of her own home.

And so when she opens the door and sees someone offering her an apple? It's actually rather suspicious. ] Oh.... A gift?

[ Beyond him, there are puppets miming shocked and fearful stances at the man's appearance. Did he do something, is Pyra supposed to be wary? ] That's rather kind of you.

[ She'll be reaching to take the apple.

wait this isn't how the story is supposed to go!! ]

[shizun]

[ For a moment, Shen Qingqiu is struck dumb. What a beautiful sister. He is frozen in the pose of holding the apple out to her as he is enchanted by just how radiant that she is -- costume at all.

For the first time since I have come to this place, I am feeling a sense of relief springing in my heart. Like a soft rain, it is soothing over all of the wounds that I have suffered-- DID SHE JUST TAKE THE FUCKING APPLE?!

He has been smiling in a soft, gentle way at her before he feels the weight of the fruit no longer in his hand. His eyes slowly go down to the empty palm as he slowly turns to look that she has it in her hand.

Shen Qingqiu attempts to look surprised at something behind her. ]

What could that be? [ He says with far more majesty than he feels as his hand comes up to attempt to take the apple out of her hand. His immediate reaction is to slap it out of her grip, but he can't do that to a lady! He's not so much of a brute to be manhandle one so! Deceiving is obviously the better way to go! ]

1/2

[pyrafect]

...Hm? [ ....She had just been about to bite into it, too. But just as she brings it to her lips he looks to something beyond her and--

Well, the only thing that could possibly be behind her is a) her roommate or b) maybe another set change. So when she does look behind her to see that neither is over her shoulder... ]

[pyrafect]

--Oh!

[ The apple is... gone from her hand? He took it? Nani? ] Hey, what are you--

[ Meanwhile, the crowd of puppets that have gathered in the street just beyond him are all either waving their hands or motioning with their fingers across their necks in a slicing motion, then pointing to him. Y'know-- in the "kill the bastard" sort of way. They want their prince to get rid of the evil witch! Because for all they know, this evil witch may turn into a great big dragon!

Pyra stops, bringing a hand to her mouth in surprise. ] H-hold on... that apple... what was it?

[shizun]

[ Jesus Fucking Mother and Christ. He holds the apple in his hand as he lets out a sigh of relief loud and hard -- in his heart alone. His expression barely changes when she returns back.

A slight tilt of his head as he looks mildly confused. Don't go asking about it! There's nothing to worry about! Seriously! But he sees that she isn't looking at him and pauses to look behind him. Excuse me! Who the fuck are you!? He hadn't noticed the puppets before but now seeing them making gestures to convince her to murder him, they're firmly on his shitlist!

Fuck your mother the tree, puppets! ]

It is nothing I meant to give out. I assure you that it's best to remain in my possession.

[pyrafect]

[ FISHY FISHY.... this man is SUSPICIOUS.... if only because she's never seen these puppets behave this way in front of another. And the puppets have, if nothing else, guided her along her role. And they continue to wish death on him.

Pointedly ignoring their rudeness, she continues: ] Oh, I see.

....Then.

[ She smiles sweetly: ] Will you be eating it yourself? [ She's just trying to figure out why he would knock on her door to show her an apple in the first place. Maybe he grew it himself? Maybe he's proud of it? ]

iii

[organfarm]

[ Shen Qingqiu steps out of the closet and -- there's nobody there. Just an empty room. Pretty sparsely decorated except a few items here and there, and a neatly-made bed. Weird, huh? Although, on second thought ... maybe he heard the teeniest, tiniest, squeakly little 'woah?!' coming from the floor when he first stepped out? ]

... w-who the hell are you?!

[ The little voice comes from underfoot, and if he looks down, he might realize that he very narrowly missed trampling the room's resident underfoot.

Jion is currently all of five inches tall, still dressed like the Mouse King, and obviously looks startled and cowed. He's still shocked by this stranger suddenly emerging from his closet and almost squishing him like a bug; that really would have been an awful way to die. ]

[shizun]

[ Alone? Did I luck out?!

His arms almost lift in triumph that whatever shitty system is forcing these scenarios had finally fucked up before he heard a tiny voice coming from the floor?! He fixes his calm gaze upon the young man at his feet. ]

I am Shen Qingqiu. [ If I go into my whole title each and every time, I'm just going to sound like someone with a huge ego. Pass, pass, pass! I only ever give it so that my peak will get recognition when I help out now and again, but I'm seeing that I'm a long way from home, Toto. Haha. That was a good one. Oh wait, let's focus, huh?

He kneels down, somehow in a majestic fashion despite the costume. ]

I assume this is where you live?

[organfarm]

[ 'I wasn't literally asking for your name,' he would have quipped if he were wittier, but as is, Jion just warily backs off a step. ]

Well ... yeah? This is my room. [ His pounding pulse is starting to slow down a bit, at least, and he ventures, ] Why were you in my closet? And what're you wearing --

[ Too bad they're interrupted by his loyal subjects -- little puppet-mice dressed like soldiers, no doubt alerted by their "king's" startled shout. They come barreling out from beneath the bed, one of them bravely running forth brandishing a needle-sized sword.

It stabs right into Shen Qingqiu's toe. ]

[shizun]

[ Sad day for Shen Qingqiu. He barely has time to notice some puppet mice running out of the bed as he tries to think of a reasonable explanation for what is going on that doesn't boil down to "who the fuck knows, man?"

MOTHERFUCKER!! Inside his own head, he is screaming at the pain of his big toe suddenly having a needle and mouse puppet repeatedly stabbing it. It isn't enough to bleed excessively but it fucking HURTS.

Yet his expression stays unamused as he reaches down to pick up the little puppet -- that is now brandishing the sword and swinging it wildly at him -- and makes a sweeping gesture to knock the other mice down. AHH! MY FUCKING TOE, YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCKERS! ]

I apologize for my sudden appearance but I merely found myself in that closet. I wonder, it will be difficult to keep having our discussion like this ... but I don't know what to do. [ Listen. I am the intruder but ... give me the fucking permission to crush every last one of these wooden dicks! ]

[organfarm]

Oh god, sorry! Hey, you guys, knock it off! [ At least Jion immediately seems worried about the vicious mauling, and the puppet-mice promptly look towards him when he shouts. After a brief moment of hesitation, Jion grudgingly announces, ] I, uh ... command you go leave me alone. Go back to hiding under the bed, or something. Please.

[ And the puppet-mice promptly obey, scampering off out of sight. Well, except the one in Shen Qingqiu's grip, that one just squirms and flails a bit. Jion waves his arms to try and gesture for Shen Qingqui to let it go, maybe? ]

Hey, I'm really sorry about that! These guys they, uh, think I'm their king, I think? They listen to me, but they also keep following me around. So I think they were just surprised when I shouted, sorry. I, um, have bandages! And medicine and stuff, so. It doesn't really make up for it, but at least I can give you those.

iii b

[fineprinted]

[ luckily it's not a woodsman! nor is it a man either... technically. tsumugi was just coming back home after a long day trying to get used to his gem body, and he was gonna call it a day.

he just hasn't anticipated anyone coming out of the closet, and he whips out his kitchen knife to defend himself. for all he knows, a dastardly demon's gotten into his new place shared with natsume, and since natsume can't fight back without the use of actual magic just yet, tsumugi will have to do it. ]

Wh-Who's there... I'm armed, you know.

[shizun]

[ To his credit, he does not immediately slam back against the closet door. That would be undignified. ****! ****!! He instead closes the door carefully beind him and holds his hands up in a placating manner. ]

Forgive the sudden visit, I almost am not sure where I am. But to start with names, I am Shen Qingqiu. [ Hello. I am nobody to worry about! Look at how I share my name. And... I see you're armed! And that's good! Don't just calmly accept people appearing in your house if you don't know them! But wait, I shouldn't be applauding this right now, should I? Wait, wait, but I'm still the intruder, aren't I? I am. So do I have a leg to stand on? Which leg should I be -- fuck it. ]

But I have no intention of carrying out my role, so -- [ So, he attempts to say before his back straightens. He sees a puppet enter the room and he's not happy about its appearance. Not. At. All. It's the woodsman! THE. WOODSMAN! The puppet is making big arm gesture to try to protect the actual resident of the house as it reaches behind its back to take out an axe.

FUCK THIS PLACE! ]

[fineprinted]

[ tsumugi whirls around just as quickly, and jumps back at the sight of an armed shadow. a woodsman? wait, so if there's a woodsman with an axe, and shen qingqiu is dressed up in a wolf kigu - ]

W-We've got to get out of here!

[ quickly taking qingqiu's hand, tsumugi pulls him out of the bedroom and into the living room, reaching for the front door when a crashing sound interrupts his thoughts; the woodman has gone berserk, and has its eyes focused on the wolf. it lunges at him, only to be stopped by tsumugi blocking its axe with a mere kitchen knife. ]

Go! Run as far as you can!

[shizun]

[ YOU FUCKER, DON'T GO NUTS IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE!

His hand is outstretched towards Tsugumi. Hey, hey! Wasn't I an intruder two seconds ago?! Now you're risking your life! Don't treat your life so easily!! He lifts his chin up as he comes to realize something -- a step forward as he rests his hand on the teenager's back. ]

You think I'd just leave?!

[ It's just a thought, just a thought -- wait, isn't this a bad thought!? The thought was as followed. Shen Qingqiu would transfer some of his energy! Easy, easy! As a peak lord and immortal cultivator, that's easy!! The energy would flow through the young man straight to that kitchen knife to give it a power-up in fortitude and strength!!

Certainly enough to deal with an axe but also powerful enough that the axe may end up exploding from the force of a simple kitchen knife. ]

Ah?!

[fineprinted]

Eh?!

[ tsumugi echoes qingqiu's surprise as the axe was flung away from the impact, the woodsman staggering back in shock as well. he doesn't get it, but he feels a frisson of strange, mystical energy coursing through his nonexistent veins that makes him stand straight up more confidently, looking down at his own crystal hands. ]

Did I... do that? [ probably not, since phos and cairn didn't give him any info about magical energy during the orientation and he's sure that the both of them would've told him that sooner. so he turns to look at qingqiu as if to say "you did this?" before he's interrupted by the shadow woodsman getting his bearings back by picking him up by the shoulder. ]

Ah, no, p-put me down! I'm not the one who's supposed to be rescued here! [ since the shadow must've mistaken him as the victim this time because of that act of self-defense just now. ]

i

[trepidate]

[ Phos is currently, unknown to them, stuck in the role of a princess. They're not familiar with fairytales nor do they get the gist of being forced into their tropes, but both the gown on their body and the puppets in their house currently dragging them to answer the door are hard to ignore. They're still in the middle of complaining and slashing at them with one arm while opening the door for their visitor with the other, just in time for one of the slain puppets to fall to the ground in a lifeless heap. ]

— Okay, okay, the door is open! Enough!!

[ Which isn't like, the most princess-y of greetings, but the remaining puppets on Phos's side of the door seem satisfied enough to go quiet for the next part of the "story". ]

Can I help you..?

[shizun]

[ Ah.

His face is frozen in distinguished aloofness. Fucking shit is going on here?! He looks over the princess's shoulder to see a pile of slain puppets. You're mad that you didn't fucking kill me faster and now sending me to a serial killer?! FUCKING KILL ME YOURSELF IF YOU WANT ME DEAD SO BAD! ]

... no? [ He takes a step back from the puppet swinging its arm. ] ... are you all right? [ Asked more as a courtesy than anything else. ]

[trepidate]

You knocked on my door, but you don't need anything?

[ Their mismatched eyes fix him with a confused stare that drops down to the apple in his hand after a few moments, which they take the time to squint at with just as much scrutiny. ]

Are you sure..? [ benefit of the doubt..? ] I'm having a hard time dealing with these puppets if you wanna help me get rid of them, though.

[shizun]

Allow me to help you with the puppet situation we are finding ourselves in.

[ He decides to side-step the whole reason why he is here, pausing to look down at the apple still in his hand. Filling it with some energy, he hurls it as hard as he can into the face of one of those puppets -- watching it turn to applesauce upon collision. ]

You certainly have a lot of them here. [ A calm response. I GOT NOTHING IN MY HAND SO I'M NOT A THREAT HERE, OKAY?! ]