awashlogs | Froggy went a-courtin'

[ Well, that just looks like something I don't need to be a part of. Shen Qingqiu calmly and rationally comes to this decision as he comes across what appears to be some heavy and dark business. That is what he decided upon, yet he realizes that there is no one actually around in this town. It's actually pretty barren which means that this person could get into all sorts of trouble before anyone would be able to do anything about it. There are those new people that are here, too.

Fuck, he's a new person, himself. Shouldn't he be worried about his own safety?! And he is! If he doesn't do anything, this is just the kind of thing that would end up coming down on his head if he let it go. So, rolling his shoulders back, he steps forward toward the young man -- only to feel like he's shrinking.

I'm not some fucking violet! What is-- Shen Qingqiu realizes that the situation actually isn't psychological but physical! He literally is shrinking! This is--! He realizes that he must have drawn too close to the man's magic and ended up altered for it. Wait, does a thing like that make sense? Well, this is Airplane-bro. The man who makes thousands upon thousands of miracle flowers and healing elixirs.

Yet the only way to recover from my illness is to papapa with the protagonist! The frog that is Shizun is hopping angrily towards the man with intent. Hop, hop. Excuse you! Don't go turning people into frogs just because you feel like it! He hops and lands in front of him. Wait ... wasn't this ... not a very good idea... ]

[ Pleased with his handiwork, he steps back and begins to chant: ]

Eyes behind thy long lashes, lips parted in—

[ Wait. That's a frog. Quite an elegant frog, in fact. Nice legs, bright eyes. He's become a bit of a frog connoisseur recently.....

As soon as he realizes where his thoughts are taking him, he wants to punch himself in the forehead. ]

I've gone mad.

[ He says this out loud, as if the elegant frog were just a dumb animal that can't hear him, and stares beadily down at the creature. He's... he's beginning to have impure thoughts regarding frogs. He reaches down, lifts up the frog and moves it out of the way.

Too bad, let somebody else kiss you! Wei Wuxian is going to be guarding his lips from now on!!! ]

[ Hey! Hey!

The frog wants to hop up and down in indignation. How dare he be dismissed so readily when he's turned into this. I get it. You're thinking to yourself, 'What do I have to worry about this little frog from? I can now continue my schemes uninterrupted.' I see you, villain!

It is then that Shen Qingqiu the frog sees his discarded fan. His ribbits became somewhat concerned as he hops over to look at it. Oh, it doesn't look like it took any damage when it fell onto the street. Forgive me, fan. It was a theory -- a small one -- but he wraps his tongue around the fan to whip it hard at the unknown man.

In his head, it was a majestic arc that flew through the air. In reality, it was a small toss that maybe bounced off the other person's shoe. ]

[ He starts again. ]

Eyes behind thy—

[ What was that? He looks down near his boot and then up again at the elegant frog. ]

Did you just throw this at me? Do you know who you're threatening?

[ He reaches down and picks the item up, unfolding it and turning it over in his hands. A silk fan, exquisitely painted.
He's never seen anything like this, in Chroma. He shakes it a few times, but he isn't a fan person, so he snaps it shut again and uses it to point at the frog. ]

This is very nice. A schoolmate of mine would have loved it.

[ Who brings their fan collection to their study abroad year, Nie Huaisang. ]

Tell me, are you from the Middle Kingdom? Hop once for yes.

[ Do you know who you are threatening! I am Shen Qingqiu, Peak Lord of--

The frog is, however, seemingly glaring at the young man and lets out a single long ribbit. Are you stealing my fan?! Do you not know how to hold it! If an amphibian can look offended, the frog is looking offended at having his own fan pointed at him.

Don't go giving my fans off to your fucking sweethearts!

He blinks. It's irregular. One eye then the other. Involuntarily it does that. He wipes at his face as it is a very odd thing to feel. What is this. I have to play along? Well, fine!

Shen Qingqiu hops once. ]

[ He knew it, aaah!

Well, there's a chance this frog is just a wealthy man or maiden—who is he kidding, he knows how this town works by now. There's absolutely, positively no way this frog is a maiden. Anyway, this frog is possibly just an ordinary person; but with his luck, it's a cultivator. He sighs, frowning. The best thing about Chroma has been that it's completely separated from his world. Nobody knows who he is. Nobody wants to kill him. Probably that's about to change. He's just been caught doing demonic cultivation, after all.

...

He stares at the frog for a while longer. Has it recognized him? Maybe it doesn't know his face, but almost certainly it knows his name. He could try to hide, ask his friends to call him something else, take the name of "Mo XuanYu" or something. But the idea irritates him. Why should he have to hide? ]

Well, it's nice to meet you, Mister Frog. I am...

[ DRAMATIC PAUSE as he stares at it intently, watching for a change in expression. ]

....Wei Wuxian.

[ Okay.

Shen Qingqiu doesn't recognize the name. He goes through the list of names from that five-hundred plus-plus chapter novel and can't recall anyone named "Wei Wuxian." Come the fuck on! Where am I!

If a frog could sigh, he would sigh. Instead, he looks up towards him and lets out a small ribbit. Hey. You're greeting me nicely, but doing some shady shit. Don't think I'm not going to have some words about that! Though... I'm wondering if you are really a villain, Wei Wuxian.

His eyes close. Let's call you half-a-villain for now. ]

[ That was not the reaction he expected! Even if a cultivator didn't know his face, they'd know his name for sure. Even ordinary people knew his name! Unless... he thinks about the nature of time in this place. This person could be from well before, or perhaps even well after his era. ]

Nothing to say to that? Oh, right I forgot—you're a frog! Hahaha!

[ He laughs at his own joke, resisting the urge to poke at the frog with his fan. Will it jump if he touches its bottom? Thoughts of mischief swirl in his mind, and if it were summertime he'd be sorely tempted to play with this frog for a while. He's well aware, however, that winter isn't at all frog-friendly. ]

Let's see, I can take you back home, warm you up, and find some delicious flies for you to eat. Or I can turn you back into a man. Which will it be? Hop once for frog, hop twice for man.

[ Eighty-percent villain.

Once more, if a frog could look unimpressed, Shen Qingqiu the frog is looking extremely unimpressed. He blinks -- once more one eye then the other. Still, this person doesn't feel malicious in intent. It feels more like light bullying than any true desire to be cruel. Looking him over, Wei Wuxian couldn't be older than seventeen. Yet, aren't you already an adult?

But he can turn me back into a human? If he didn't fear dirtying his fan anymore than he has, he would attempt to hop onto it so that he could snap his tongue out smack the teen on the forehead. ]

Teasing others is one thing, but if you mess around too much you're going to end up creating bad relations with others! Think before you act! You're going to be running around this town -- twenty laps! If you have complaints, do so in your heart as you're running!

[ And of course, as for what can be heard, the frog is ribbiting up a storm as he is lecturing Wei Wuxian. He hops up and down twice. But that is not in relation to the yes-and-no, but rather attempting to emphasize his lecturing words. ]

[ That is one angry frog. It's all he can do to keep from collapsing into a fit of giggles and rolling on the ground. ]

Don't be so mad, I said I'd help you either way!

[ He crouches down and puts out his hands, for the frog to leap into. ]

I can turn you back, but there's a catch. Do you want to know what it is, or shall I surprise you?

[ The frog known as Shen Qingqiu hops into the offered hands. Hmph. If an amphibian could hmph, it definitely hmph'd!

Of course, there's a catch. His eyes close. Do I want to know it? What is it? Like acquire so many more of these puppet parts. It isn't like I have a choice and if I decide to say "no," what then? 'Hello, everyone, Qingqiu the Frog'-- no! That's definitely not where I want to see my future! Sitting in some pond and living out my lonely days like that! Because like hell I'm going to get with some sister frog!

His mind is running around quickly to the worst case and scenarios. If there is one thing to be said about him, he is someone with an imagination that rushes on at a quick and breakneck speed!

He opens his eyes and gives a small ribbit, before looking away. ]

Just do it.

[ This really is such an amusing frog. He honestly can't wait to meet the person inside. ]

Bear with me for a moment. Don't struggle.

[ Being an experienced, frog-kisser, he knows the best way to position people so they'll transform with a minimum of fuss. His poor disciple had fallen down in a heap, which seems an unpleasant and embarrassing way to transform. With the frog sitting in one hand, he reaches for it with the other, grasping it about its midsection and orienting it vertically with its legs hanging down.

With any luck, the frog will transform into a person standing on his own two feet (with Wei Wuxian's hand at his back, to steady him).

Finally, he leans in for a kiss. ]

[ Are you still playing games?! Shen Qingqiu lets out an undignified ribbit as his middle is held. I'm telling you that you should be serious!! Because. You'll. Get. Bad. Karma! He grumbles out a croak in warning. And you are getting awfully fucking close to my face!!

He has no real defense -- but that isn't true, is it? Bunching up his face, he snaps his tongue out just as Wei Wuxian draws in close. I warned -- huh! The surprise doesn't match with his expression as he blinks and feels like he is blinking in simultaneously instead of out of sync.

Also his tongue is out and may or may not be -- his hand snaps out to push Wei Wuxian away from him. Silence descends for he doesn't know what he should say to the fact that he may have licked the man accidentally. Moving past that!! Maybe if he sprints past it!!

He holds his hand out. ] My fan, please.

[ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! ]

[ As he leans in, he can feel something shoot past his lips, but it doesn't quite register as a tongue............until it does register as a tongue, a warm, human tongue between his lips. Has he finally won at frog roulette? By being reluctant about it and kissing this frog only out of altruism, has he finally been rewarded with a sensual kiss from a beautiful girl?

But by the time this thought travels through his brain, it's clear to him that the human in front of him is too tall and too large to be a credible maiden. Indeed, his head is tilted back; this person is taller than he is. But it's.............a nice kiss and so he doesn't pull out of it until he's (rudely) pushed away.

His eyes widen. ]

Lan Zhan—!

[ His mouth engages before his brain can call the words back. A tall cultivator, with a topknot and loose hair, with light-colored, rich silk robes trimmed in blue: those are the superficial resemblances that triggered the name. But this isn't Lan Wangji, who never would have croaked a whole lecture at him, never would have thrown a fan, never would have demanded it back afterwards. And never, ever would have kissed him like that!!!

Anyway he's hopping mad at this point, so: ]

You! What the hell was that?

[ Listen here!! You don't get to sound offended! I'm the one that is offended! My whole face is offended!! Also?! What was that?! You call someone else's name?! Do you intend to insult me right down to even mistaking me for someone else!! How-fucking-dare!!

But even as he is running around rampant with accusations and offense, he can't bring himself to say any of those things. It isn't that he hasn't kissed someone before. He hasn't had a girlfriend. He died a virgin!! Now that he is in this setting, he thought he might finally have a chance to meet a sister -- and who is the first person that he kisses deeply?! WHO?! WHO!?

There is a level of unfairness that is making his whole body go rigid. ]

My fan, please. [ This is all I can say! This is all I can say! I'm a record! A record! SORRY! Shen Qingqiu isn't here right now!! Please leave a message after the beep! Ahhhhhh!!! ]

Edited 2019-01-12 19:05 (UTC)

[ There's a long silence that spins out between the two of them.

...

Finally: ]

Pfft! Haha. Ahahaha!

[ He's holding the fan in his hand. He spins it between his fingers, as if it were his flute, before hiding it behind his back. He'd called the man "Lan Zhan," but it seems those two people have more in common than mere superficial resemblance. They're both stoic types, of few words.

Nobody knows better than him how much fun it is to tease these types. Every stoic has a breaking point, it's just a matter of finding where to push. ]

Might I at least get the name of the gentleman who gave me such a nice kiss?

[ My fan!!

He watches, for how can he not, disappear from sight. His hand lifts to attempt to follow its path.

Nope, it's gone. Wave bye-bye!! ]

[ There is that teasing people too much!! The teacher in him is starting to break free from the frozen state that he is in. But he has to admit the pitfall of having kissed him in the first place! WITH TONGUE!! NOT EVEN A FIRST DATE!!

His hands want to tear through his own hair and twist his fingers in it! Why! How is this fair! Why! But he blinks and stares at him. Also that wasn't a nice kiss. That was poor technique and little emotion. Please rate your kisses higher than that, Wei Wuxian. ]

Shen Qingqiu. [ THAT'S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FAN!! ]

Edited 2019-01-13 00:40 (UTC)

[ He notes the lifted hand. The fan is important, clearly. ]

Shen Qingqiu. Now that we've kissed, can I call you A-Qiu?

[ It sounds like a sneeze. ]

Ahahaha, kidding, kidding!

[ He grins for a long moment; and then his expression turns suddenly grave. ]

Aiyaa, Senior Qingqiu, I have some bad news for you. I'm very sorry, but you've contracted frogitis. There's no cure. To control it, you've got to kiss somebody every day.

[ He purses his lips and taps them with the tip of the precious fan. ]

[ He clenches his fist at his side. You!!

Shen Qingqiu will say that he's not so small-hearted as to actually punch someone for making a small joke like that. There are many other reasons to kick this person, actually. Aren't they just rapidly growing!? He pauses in his thoughts before noticing the grave expression that Wei Wuxian gives. It's so surprising that it eases some of the annoyance that he feels.

He swallows back the blood that he nearly spits out. What sort of fuck-or-die situation is this?! This is on par with fucking sex pollen?! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD HIM TO STICK TO ONE GENRE?! Kiss-or-frog?! What sort of fucking! Guess I'll frog -- un-fucking-likely! I ain't going to be so self-sacrificing that I'm going to be a lonely frog on a lonely lilypad! HA-HA, FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU!

A slow blink. And as insane as that is! Is this a common illness!! Do I just go up to any sister and say, 'I am going to turn into a frog if I don't kiss you. Kiss me' WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO BELIEVE THAT! That is the worst of the worst of the WORST pick-up lines!! I don't want my reputation to be put down into the fucking mud over this! So where does that leave me?! Men?! How is that fair! How is any of this fair! What the fuck! I'm a good person! ... well, I mean, I can't quite say that as I kicked my white sheep disciple down ... so maybe... I wouldn't call this fair karma! But as far as punishments, I suppose it's light.

I'M NOT ACCEPTING THIS! I'M NOT ACCEPTING THIS AT ALL! MY HEART IS GOING TO TURN TO STONE! I'LL JUST BE A FROG THEN! I'LL JUST DO IT! THE IMMORTAL CULTIVATOR-FROG, SHEN QINGQIU!! AT YOUR FUCKING SERVICE!!! He stomps his feet in his heart, but he's already relenting as he doesn't want to be a frog, either. ]

Is it contagious? [ He reaches his hand out to attempt to take his fan back. I DON'T NEED A PLAY-BY-PLAY FROM YOU, EITHER!! ]

Edited 2019-01-13 06:05 (UTC)

[ He feels his insides are about to rupture. Is it contagious? He wants to collapse to the ground and roll around and laugh straight into next week. With extreme difficulty, testament to his talent both as a soul cultivator and a prankster, he manages to maintain his grave face, even inserting a hint of guilt into his expression.

He rubs the back of his head. ]

Ahhhhh...haha. About that. You caught it from me.

[ He starts waving his hands, as if to absolve himself of all guilt: ]

I didn't want to kiss you, remember? I put you aside. I even warned you there was a catch, but you weren't interested! You croaked at me fiercely. You even...

[ He relinquishes the fan ]

...threw this at me! What was I to do?

[ My fan!! He feels a little better having it back in his hands. At the very least, he can open and close it. It's a very comforting thing to do! Especially when I feel like I'm going to break down into tears!!

Shen Qingqiu decides to breathe out slow through his nose. Because you play around too much!! Don't act like you are the innocent person here! Both of us are to blame for getting into this fucking mess! I'm admitting that much! He looks away. But I'm only admitting it in my heart! You don't get to hear it! ]

How old are you? Whining like you are not remotely involved in the problem? Have you no face to give? [ He feels the tips of his ears are red. Breathing out slow, he steps forward. What. Ever. Fuck-it. His shoulders drop. Well, if this is someone who has probably had people upset with him about something he has no control over, I can see why he would be defensive. ]

You can say what were you to do, but there are those that will think you could have done something. What then? Will you just lament that you were powerless and it was their fault? That is no way an adult to act. Only children do. [ His scolding over and he allows his expression to soften. Seriously. Fucking shit, what has my life become? ]

This teacher is not so small-hearted as to blame you and you alone. But if you do not act properly and accept what blame is yours, you will continue to gain bad karma. [ I was going to keep it in my heart! But I said it instead! Okay!? I SAID IT! IS THE UNIVERSE HAPPY NOW!! ]

[ He's been watching Shen Qingqiu closely: the body stiffening, the clenched fist... he's ready to blow anytime, just a little more teasing. He also notices the reddening in the tips of his ears. Huh. Weird. Maybe that's just how he looks when he gets angry.

And then Shen Qingqiu launches into lecture mode and it all seems to hit awfully close to home........ ]

[ ..............

He'd planned to come clean about "frogitis" after he'd had a good laugh, but this is a prank that needs a bit more milking. He drops his eyes in an attitude of contrition. ]

You're right. This was my fault, too.

[ He looks up, imploringly. ]

I only hope that the next time you see this frog [ he points to himself ] hopping around, you won't step on it or eat it.

[ He offers a small nod, actually feeling proud of Wei Wuxian. Wait, I feel I should be a lot more mad. Well, he admitted he was wrong! I'm now going to forever turn into a frog. So, who the fuck cares anymore!! ]

No, I would not do something like that to you.

[ Shen Qingqiu seconds ago was going to beat him on top of his head with his fan. However, seeing him look that way, he does not have so much ice in his heart to not feel sympathetic. His shoulders drop, as he lets out a sigh, and his hand reaches out to lightly pat the top of his head. ]

I will do what I can to save you. [ We're in this TO-FUCKING-GETHER, I guess!! ]

Froggy went a-courtin'

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