doublecrowss: (pic#12452827)
Goro Akechi ([personal profile] doublecrowss) wrote in [community profile] awashlogs2018-08-15 10:31 pm

[CLOSED] planting berries and growing feelings

WHO: Akechi and Akira
WHERE: The gardens
WHEN: Late August
WHAT: Quest 20
WARNINGS: Feelings!!

[ His mask had slipped.

Not so much that it had jeopardized his disguise, but enough that anyone who had witnessed his blunder could find him not so pleasant anymore. Sure, there had been plenty of reasons that could reasonably justify it; his illness, the collective disappearance of people he cared about, stress from planning the rescue, even physical exhaustion from having overly relied on his powers-- any of those factors alone could have been enough to make a person snap, but combined? They could be taxing even on the strongest of souls.

But as much as he can take some small comfort from this knowledge, he doesn't want to settle for this. His affable and charismatic persona has become something of a crutch, the only thing that's tangible and safe in a myriad of uncertainties-- his plans, his sense of self, his feelings, very little had solid shape to him these days. These days, the only thing real in his life was a fake. So he'll latch on to it.

He then decides that he needs to make amends, and the best place to start would be with the one person who took the brunt of his rage. A message is sent, and a few quick words exchanged, scheduling a time and place: the gardens, where he's currently seated with a small basket of coffee berries and whatever gardening tools he could find. He waits, anxious over yet another uncertainty-- the thought that Akira might not come, that they might lose whatever progress they had made even after the werewolf incident. That choice meant little in the presence of fate.

And it's not until that moment that he realizes it, how much that prospect is one he absolutely dreads. ] 

theshowsover: (dress me up and watch me die)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-22 03:53 am (UTC)(link)
[Akira is slow to answer this one. There are a million things he could say here, some of them evasive, some of them half-true. But if he's going to open up to Akechi, he has to swallow his pride and say the truth, right?

So finally, he does.]


Because it keeps complicating things between you and me.

[Maybe even more than Akechi shooting him. Of course, the relationship between them hasn't been anything but complicated from the start, this is just a very different kind of complication than he's used to. This isn't antagonistic, it's... something else.]

I've never had anyone... call it out, like you have.
theshowsover: (if it feels good tastes good)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-23 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
[Akira starts to say that he doesn't have to patronize him now, but as he listens to Akechi's words, and how he struggles to say them, he realizes this isn't patronizing. Akechi is being sincere, at least about what his friends would think.

But they aren't talking about his friends. They're talking about them. Akira and Akechi.

And so Akechi's feelings come out, and Akira leans back, considering. This isn't the first time he's let slip he might care for Akira, but there's something different this time. Something unsaid.]


...I'm glad you care for me at all. [He tries to smile, but it's more than a little tentative.] But... exhausting, huh...?

[He doesn't think Akechi is trying to be insulting, though. But he has to ask...]

Because I'm reckless? Or for other reasons?

[Is Akechi simply afraid to care?]
theshowsover: (done my time and served my sentence)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-23 05:18 am (UTC)(link)
...I see.

[Just like Akechi before him, it feels like it's not enough, and yet he hopes the tone behind them carries sincerity as he gathers his thoughts. Akechi has just given him a lot to think about, and he has to process it before he responds.

He can't imagine what it's been doing to Akechi this whole time to have thoughts and feelings like this... and so he can start to understand, in part, why he's been acting this way.]


...You know, you're not just a detective. You're human, too. And still young.

[Akira knows that's a bit odd, coming from someone even younger, but he hopes Akechi hears him out.]

Sometimes feelings don't work out like you think they should. We get irrational, lost, frustrated... afraid.

[He grips his hand into a fist. He knows those feelings, too. But then he relaxes.]

But that's why I think... caring about people is a strength. It gives you something to focus on when things are hard. And when they care about you back, it gives you a soft place to land.

And sometimes, caring about people complicates things...

[He knows that well. Caring about his would-be murderer has certainly made things complicated, after all... but he thinks it's also helped.]

I just said caring about what you said about me complicated things, did I? [He shrugs.] We get frustrated, and we act irrationally, and we hurt each other. But... if I didn't care about anyone, it would be hard to keep going. If I didn't care about you, I would have missed out on good experiences with you.

[The flirting, the dancing, the camaraderie under the stars. He would have missed it all, and thinking about that makes his chest hurt.]

So I can hold on to those feelings when things are hard.

[And now, he smiles.]

So when you think about it like that, it does make logical sense after all, right?
theshowsover: (if it feels good tastes good)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-24 02:24 am (UTC)(link)
[Akira is indeed a listener, and so he listens quietly as Akechi speaks, and waits while he considers his words.

He doesn't know who Paracelsus is, but when Akechi smiles, and his eyes fill with light like that, Akira feels grateful to him and his words. Because maybe, just maybe, progress is being made here today.]


Maybe that's all.

[Though he hopes what Akechi means by that is that he plans to increase his dosage in a good way. The last thing he needs is to close himself off from these feelings, from caring and letting himself be cared for, again. He needs to feel things, if he's going to grow. If he's going to move past the dark place he's been for so long.]

I know it won't be easy... [Because it isn't.] But I meant what I said before. I'm here now.

[And he isn't going anywhere, not if he can help it. He's going to be here with Akechi through this. It'll be difficult, and he doubts what happened at the rescue was the last time Akechi will ever snap at him, but he's going to be patient. They're getting somewhere, and he's happy, and he hopes Akechi is too.]
theshowsover: (ice has melted back to life)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-24 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
[Akira knows he's reckless. He's always justified it by saying that it's what he needs to do, and there's a part of him that still believes that. After all, if he goes too far down that road, then everything from the past year will start to look like a mistake, won't it?

But during the werewolf attack, and the sirens... that was even more reckless than usual. He wandered from his group, got himself attacked, put himself in a vulnerable state... put Akechi in danger. He knows it's been worse here than ever before. Maybe it's because he's away from their world, where the rules are known to him by now.

He still doesn't know all the rules here.

So he understands what Akechi is saying about it being exhausting... but the more he thinks about it, the more it gets hung up in his mind. Why is it so exhausting? It could only be that exhausting if Akechi really, really cared for him.

Especially so when it's important..

The pieces are starting to fit into place. But still. He looks into Akechi's eyes, his head tilting to the side just a little. Instead of the apology for his mishaps that he meant to make, what comes out is...]


Am I really that important to you?
Edited 2018-08-24 04:31 (UTC)
theshowsover: (if it feels good tastes good)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-27 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
[Akira allows Akechi to meet his eyes, and if it's his happiness Akechi wants, he's certainly getting it. Akira's smile is small and light, but full of joy, though also a bit of uncertainty, still. Not because he doubts Akechi's words, but because there's something he still wonders...]

That's... what I want for you, too.

[He says it easily, watching Akechi's face carefully for his reaction.] You're strong, too. But I don't want you to have to fight, for me or anyone else. But... I'm also glad, that you think I'm important enough to fight for.

[Top priority or not, it still means a lot to be that important in Akechi's eyes. Akira is beyond happy to hear it.]

I... want to protect your happiness, too. I want to give you happiness.

[Now he looks away, almost shy.] But... I wonder...

[All the flirting, the offer for the kiss, the quiet, cozy moment under the stars. Was that all in Akira's head, or...]

Am I important... just as a friend?
theshowsover: (done my time and served my sentence)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-27 05:32 am (UTC)(link)
[Akira listens quietly; this is important, after all. But at the end... hmm. Seems Akechi still doesn't know exactly what he wants.]

A mystery, huh...

[Akira looks away, eyes landing on the trowel. He's quiet for a bit, considering his next move. He doesn't want to push anything, after all.]

...Take the time you need, to figure it out.

[Akira is still looking away, so maybe he can be forgiven, when his hand wanders aimlessly for a moment. But then it finds Akechi's own hand, and stays there, lightly over top of it.]

I think I already have my answer, though.
theshowsover: (it must be mine)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-28 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
[The squeeze was nice. Hopeful, and reassuring. Akira feels a bit better; even if it's still up in the air, at least he knows he didn't just make a fool (hah!) of himself.

As though on cue, he also reaches for his trowel, and resumes his digging while Akechi speaks. Ah, this topic again; he can't say he's thrilled, but he's willing to hear him out.

Maybe I wouldn't be so upset if you would stop acting like I'm the only one that needs to be protected...

Mostly willing to hear him out.]


It's okay. I already know I can't stop you.
theshowsover: (if it feels good tastes good)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-28 03:55 am (UTC)(link)
A compromise...

[Akira has to take a moment, sorting out his thoughts as he quietly trowels holes for the berries. The key issues here are that Akechi needs to protect him, and needs him to not mope, but Akira also needs to feel some control over his pride, and his independence.

So what is the best solution here?]


The best I can think is... if something unexpected and sudden happens, then you're free to come find me, and I'll try to reach out to you if possible. But if it's something less sudden... a quest, or something like that... Just trust me, to call you when I need you.

[Maybe this is asking too much. Maybe Akechi can't trust him anymore, which is a bit funny, when Akira is talking to his would-be murderer...]
theshowsover: (dress me up and watch me die)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-28 05:16 am (UTC)(link)
[He's a bit surprised Akechi doesn't push back on that, and that makes him worry a little. There's no way he would give up easily; he must have other plans in mind.

But he chooses not to push his luck, instead nodding in agreement.]


Thanks.

[He goes back to working with the berries, but after a moment, he adds something else.]

You're still welcome as a VIP in my cafe, though.
theshowsover: (i see whats mine i take it)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-29 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
In a week or two. The next round of quests will go up soon; maybe sometime after that.

[It's weird to plan things without a real calendar, so Akira hasn't set a specific date to be done by. Whenever he feels confident, he'll put out a message on the forum and see what happens.]

There's still some work to do. I found some good tables and barstools, but they need to be cleaned... Could stand a paint job, too.
theshowsover: (i see whats mine i take it)

[personal profile] theshowsover 2018-08-29 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
[For Akira's part, he doesn't seem to think it's complicated at all.

Instead, he just nods, glancing over at Akechi from where he's busy troweling away.]


Of course.

[He thought he made it clear that Akechi is always welcome in the cafe no matter what, but then, things have been a bit weird between them.]

I could definitely use the help. And when I said you're welcome anytime... that still stands, too.

[Especially with these feelings. But even if Akechi rejects them, he'd still be happy to see him, as a friend.]

(no subject)

[personal profile] theshowsover - 2018-08-30 02:59 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] theshowsover - 2018-09-05 01:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] theshowsover - 2018-09-05 02:28 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] theshowsover - 2018-09-05 02:53 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] theshowsover - 2018-09-05 04:31 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] theshowsover - 2018-09-06 04:47 (UTC) - Expand