awashlogs | Event Eight.

Yeah. If I made it differently with him watching, he'd kill me.

[Akira can just hear it in his head. "Are you trying to ruin me with this?" Even when Akira followed his recipe exactly, he'd say it tastes bland...]

I do my own thing sometimes, for my friends. They usually have... more colorful reactions than yours.

[Like spitting it out and insulting it.]

[ He doesn't miss the way Akira mentions doing it only for his friends, and while that might have been just a casual choice of words and not an extension to include him in that group, Akechi can't help but grip the mug a little tighter between his fingers, without even realizing it. Like he's clinging to the possibility, too. ]

That's... silly. It's perfectly edible.

[ ... although anything that isn't burned to a crisp or hasn't gone bad could technically be called edible, so this isn't much of a compliment, either. Okay, maybe he should go for a new approach.

He reaches for the mug again, blows on it to give himself a little more time to prepare and goes for a second sip-- and this time he manages to keep a perfectly neutral expression throughout most of it. Except for the very end.

He's smiling. ]

I think I rather like it. Perhaps it's an acquired taste?

[ Or perhaps he just likes the implication, who knows. ]

[He almost laughs at that high praise; perfectly edible means he didn't make poison, that's all. But as Akechi drinks more (keeping an enviable poker face), Akira can't help but wait for the verdict.

And then Akechi smiles, and Akira feels a knot he didn't even know was there untangle in his chest.]

You don't have to lie. [But he's smiling now, too, and doesn't make any move to take the cup from Akechi.] But if you want to drink it, I'm happy to make more.

[Maybe he'll put even more love in it, the next time.]

[ Does putting even more love mean it'll taste even worse...?

Playful though it may be, Akira's initial comment lingers on Akechi's mind for a second. The cup is still idly pressed to his lips, and when he opens his eyes, there's a vacant look reflected in them, a little distant from reality, but undeniably... fond. ]

I'm not lying.

[ And that, too, carries a lot of weight. It's novel enough that he's not wearing a mask, that's not pretending even about this much, but to realize he actually does genuinely like this otherwise unpalatable coffee... Yes, that has definitely taught him something new about himself.

But then the second is gone, and he's placing the cup down again, considering the latter half of Akira's response. ]

Regardless, perhaps we should save a second round of coffee for an energy boost later? We do have quite some work ahead of us.

[ Not just on the physical effort front, either. ]

[It very well might...

At Akechi's surprisingly open and honest admission, Akira raises an eyebrow. He's not used to this; not used to someone actually liking his atrocious coffee, and also not used to Akechi being so... real.

Something warm blooms in his chest. He thinks of the man who shot him, and contrasts it with the boy who sits across from him now, and that moment of undeniable fondness.

How can they be the same person?

He pulls his thoughts away from that, though, and grabs two bags of coffee off the shelf, setting them down on the counter.]

You're right. We should get started as soon as you're done.

[ In all honesty, even Akechi wouldn't know; his own heart was uncharted territory, and his feelings for Akira have always been far more complex than whatever anyone else might have ever stirred in him before.

So he chooses to tackle them one at a time, and focuses on the present moment. And right now, what he feels is that he wants to make it last a little longer, enjoy this peace and quiet and... maybe more than that. Maybe what he wants is to enjoy Akira's presence, and try to forget that palpable tension that stood between them, once.

(And it's not until right here and now that he realizes he had missed this, the casual talks and friendly banter, and even the comfortable silence over a cup of coffee. He had missed the company. Akira's company.) ]

... Are you not going to join me?

[ It's more quiet plea than question. ]

[And that, too, takes Akira by surprise, because there's an uncustomary hint of want in that statement, an ache so quiet and yet loud to Akira's ears.

Of course. How could he be so rude.

Akira nods, taking his own mug again in hand.]

Yeah. Of course.

[He smiles again, just before he takes a sip. He could go sit with Akechi at a booth, but... there's something so familiar about this: him, behind the counter, and Akechi, perched on his usual stool.

It's nice, to have this again. Not just from Chroma, but from before... During those cold days in December, he'd look at the empty stool, and ache, and wonder.]

Like old times.

[And he can't help it; a note of melancholy slips treacherously into his voice.]

[ Akechi doesn't miss that hint of melancholy, though he only associates it with Akira's feelings for the immediate past, to a time before their separation, before the pain and resentment. And that feeling, he hates to admit, is one that he shares. ]

Not exactly like old times.

[ Said with a rueful smile, and his very own brand of resignation. This much, he can't deny, either.

The cup is brought up to his lips again as though moving on autopilot, led by memories of his body as his own thoughts stray far away-- to the musings he had been nurturing for the past few weeks, and whatever small fraction of his feelings he had managed to work out. The matter of Akira has always been too difficult for him to figure out; he was hard to read, and thus made Akechi's feelings all the harder to deal with. And he can't say he has come to a definitive conclusion just yet, that he's a hundred percent certain of how far he wants to extend this tentative relationship or what else it could grow into, but-- ]

Do you think it will ever be like that again?

[ Whatever they had before, he knows he wants it back. ]

Hmmm...

[Akira hums, looking down into his own coffee. Like it was before, huh? He knows what Akechi means; that tentative friendship they were building in Chroma, sometimes in leaps and bounds. He knows he enjoyed it, and now, he knows Akechi enjoyed it too. And that was what he wanted, right? To grow close to Akechi, so maybe he could change his path back home.

No... to grow close to Akechi, because he wanted to. Because he's interested in him, because he likes him, maybe... maybe a lot.

He thinks of the way his heart skipped when Akechi offered him a kiss.]

...It might take work.

[He says this honestly. Though he feels alright right now, he can't promise his fears will never resurface again. Fears are fickle, unpredictable things. He knows that well.

But that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying.]

But... I want it to be, if you do. And so I'm willing to work on it.

[ The short silence that follows Akechi's question feels like eternity, and when the answer finally comes, he feels a knot slipping down his throat, and settling right in his gut. ]

That's what I thought.

[ So he doesn't look up, not yet, mulling over Akira's words. Of course, he didn't expect it to be any different; as much as he wishes for it, he knows the damage has been done, and it can't be fixed overnight, nor can it simply be ignored like it had never happened. As practiced as Akechi is at lying, he thinks even he couldn't pretend to just forget.

Still, Akira's hesitation, the reminder that they have a long way to go... It hurts. And he knows he has no right to complain, or even feel this way, but he just... does.

(Accepting even a single new feeling, it would seem, always comes with a whole Pandora's box worth of trouble.) ]

Since we are in agreement about that, may I run a proposition by you?

[Akechi is silent, looking away from him, for too long, and Akira tenses. For a moment, he's afraid Akechi will reject him now; that it's too long for him to wait, for Akira to regain his footing. That it's not worth it, he's not worth the time and effort they would need to put in to rebuild the relationship.

But then he speaks again, and Akira raises an eyebrow.

Agreement. Agreement is... good.]

What's that?

[ He takes another sip of his drink, slow and deliberate, and while one might be under the impression he's trying to build suspense on purpose, the truth is far from that. He has gone over the details in his head multiple times, rehearsed and played out different outcomes, but now that the moment of truth has come, he finds it that words are incredibly hard to come.

Akechi isn't good with apologies, and this is hardly a proper one. ]

I understand you don't wish to exact payback from me for what happened, but simply leaving matters as they are would not be just.

[ It's a little easier like this, to latch onto his usual rationale and his alleged penchant for justice, fake though it may be; it's familiar, something he's well versed in, and perhaps a bit of a crutch. But beneath that mask lies his real self, insecure, scared, and overpowered by the weight of worthlessness. Does he really even deserve this chance...? ]

I also understand you are... cautious around me. And while I only acted out of self defense, it isn't my place to invalidate your own experience. Your end of the bargain was certainly the harshest.

[ This much, he can admit openly, too. Being shot to death... he can only imagine what that feels like. He has only ever been on the other side of the deal. ]

From my perspective, what that means is that I need to make amends, while you need to find your trust in me again. And for that matter, there is only one conclusion I could come to.

[ Placing his cup on the counter and his hands on his lap again, he finally looks up, eyes seeking Akira's, open and resolute. ]

From now on, for every time this town throws danger our way, I will personally see to it that no harm will come upon you.

[At first, Akira listens quietly, only shrugging at one point. Harsh or not, he knows Akechi acted out of self defense, and that he can't hold what he did out of fear and paranoia against him. Akira was trying to kill him, after all.

But then Akechi says that, and he straightens up, eyes widening. This... this is something he's felt before, more than once. As he grew closer and closer to the other Thieves, sometimes he would hit a point where he would have the somewhat sickening revelation that they would put themselves in the path of a bullet for him; and had, more than once. Watching Ryuji or Makoto throw themselves in front of a shadow's attack for his sake never felt good. But that wasn't so bad; wounds could be easily healed, with magic and medicine. This... what Akechi is talking about is...]

...I appreciate what you're trying to do. [He wants Akechi to know that, that he isn't dismissing him because he doesn't want their relationship to grow. Rather...] But I can't let you do that. I'm not... okay with you putting yourself in that kind of position.

[ Akechi's instinctive reaction is to tell him he isn't asking for permission, but manages to hold back-- they are attempting to reconcile, after all, so it wouldn't do to be this antagonistic. ]

If you have a better idea, I'm willing to listen. [ It's a compromise, small though it might be, considering he follows it with-- ] But otherwise, this is non-negotiable. You will never be able to move past this, if you can't learn to trust me again, and I--

[ A pause, followed by a sigh. Dealing with feelings of any sort has always been a difficult task to master, but guilt? And like this-- so raw and pulsing, the kind he couldn't even reconcile with his hatred for despicable adults because this wasn't one of them? It's new, and terrifying.

His hand grips its twin on his lap, squeezes it hard. ]

I won't be able to feel like I deserve this, if I can't offer repentance.

[And Akira wants to retort back, that there are ways to build trust that don't involve throwing himself into danger, that it honestly makes him feel a bit like a child that Akechi thinks he needs to do this, but he backs down at the end of Akechi's speech.

He's really trying, that much is clear. And maybe this is the only way he can really think of to show his regret. Akira can't exactly think of anything better, or offer any other solution; at least not one that Akechi would find easy to meet, with his limited grasp of his own emotions.

So... after a moment of thinking on it, after tamping down his own feelings of inadequacy and stung pride... he decides that it's alright. He'd rather Akechi do this, than resort to something more self-destructive.

And besides, if he's with Akira when something bad is happening, that means Akira can keep an eye on him, too.]

...Alright. Fine.

[There's a pause, and he grins, a little mischievious.]

Guess it'll be nice to have a helper, when I'm trying to keep the town safe.

[ Though it doesn't come without another endless wait, Akira's easy acceptance does take a weight off his chest, and gives him some measure of peace.

He knows it's stupid to feel like this, considering he had already secured the one thing that was absolutely necessary to the execution of his plan - that is to say, re-establish their mutual cooperation as Phantom Thieves - but this is... different. It's wasn't a requirement, but rather, something he simply... wants, for no other reason than self-indulgence.

(He also knows this is yet another path he can't back away from, one that is impossible to reconcile with his previous life choices; at some point, someone, or something will have to give. But he'll deal with it when the time comes.) ]

You wouldn't need a helper if you had listened to me from the start and had taken better care of yourself.

[ A slightly snappy response, followed by a sigh, tired but resigned. Akechi is not about to openly attempt against his pride and chide him like an actual child, but he's certainly earned his right to call him out. ]

Regardless, this arrangement only affects you with regards to the strange events that take place in this town every so often. As far as the Phantom Thieves go, I will still respect your authority as leader.

[ Another small compromise, since Akira had seemed clearly annoyed when Akechi took over leadership during the chimera quest. ]

[Akira huffs into his coffee at the snappiness, slightly annoyed by it. He's tired of endless arguments over what he should or shouldn't have done; he's already acknowledged that he shouldn't have gone off on his own, what more does Akechi want!

But they're trying to make amends here, so he goes ahead and takes his lumps without (verbal) comment.]

Thanks.

[It's not like the others would willingly follow Akechi, anyway... But he doesn't mention that.]

And... I'll try to take better care of myself, from now on. [Now he looks more sheepish than annoyed.] I didn't mean to worry everyone...

[ Akechi looks up again at that last comment, takes his sweet time studying Akira again. It's good that he's listening to reason - and Akechi won't admit he was worried before, not as more than part of his role, not to himself - but will he ever take care of himself for his own sake, rather than everyone else's? ]

I would think it's rather worrying that you're still placing the emotional well-being of others before your own safety.

[ But, that's all he's going to say on the matter, too. All in the name of making amends. And in that same vein-- ]

... Thank you, though. For agreeing with this. I imagine you must not be entirely happy, to have to be watched over like this.

[ And maybe he's thanking Akira for more than that, too. Thanking him for the chance to rebuild what they had. ]

[Is he...? Well, perhaps he is. Though it's true Akira still doesn't want to die, not for real. But beyond that... maybe he does have a habit of putting everyone else's well-being before his own.

He doesn't see what's wrong with that, though.]

...Like I said, I understand what you're trying to do. [But he can't deny that no, he isn't happy.] And I appreciate it. It makes me... happy.

[And then he smiles, just a little, into his cup, and that's genuine. Because he's happy to have this second (third?) chance, too.

He's happy that Akechi is still in his life, for that much longer.]

Happy...?

[ His eyes narrow down in a not quite frown, though he's definitely puzzled. Akira may not have outright admitted he's not happy with essentially having a bodyguard, though Akechi believes he knows him well enough to say this much with some certainty.

... but then, the very next moment, Akira turns and tells him he's happy about what Akechi is trying to do? ]

You are a terribly hard one to read, did you know? A detective's greatest shame.

[ But it's said in good jest, and when he brings the cup back to his lips, it isn't only so he can take another sip. ]

... but also his greatest challenge.

[ It's to cover his own genuine smile. ]

[He chuckles, leaning back and taking another sip.]

What kind of thief would I be, if you could figure me out that easily.

[His eyes dance merrily as he finishes the last of his drink, idly moving to the sink to give it a rinse. It probably doesn't even matter, since this place isn't truly real, but the atmosphere right now is so nice, it's easy to forget. To think that they're really in Leblanc, that Sojiro will come in any moment now with groceries, that one of his friends will text him, that Morgana will appear to try and make him go to bed.

But it's just him and Akechi and that? That's nice, too. Very nice.]

The same kind of detective I would be, if I didn't enjoy a good challenge.

[ It's a reply that comes easy enough, much like his own chuckle-- almost too easy, so much that Akechi has to do a double take at his reaction. The lighthearted banter, the atmosphere, even the poorly disguised smiles... it's all so familiar, and so nostalgic all the same, like something he had long since given up on. But it's all still here, still within his grasp, and the closest thing to realhe's ever had.

For a moment, he allows his thoughts to wander, to reach for hypotheticals like he hardly ever did, to wonder how much more he could have if he kept his mask off, if he could stay forever in the one place where he could be himself. And for just that fleeting second, he thinks that maybe even he could still be... something close to happy.

He never thought coffee could make him feel so warm inside. ]

But, speaking of thieves... Do you think taking all of this would qualify as a heist?

[ For someone in law enforcement, he doesn't really sound all that opposed to it. ]

Don't get morals on me now, Akechi.

[But Akira is smiling, glad at the easy turn the conversations has taken. It's nice like this, and he hopes days like this will be many, as they go on.]

But even if this were really taking the coffee from Leblanc... I think Boss would understand, if he knew what was going on.

[Anything that can make the town a little brighter, a little cheerier... and as he thinks like that, about how happy and relaxed he and Akechi are here, how his friends were here, an idea starts to grow.]

...Why don't I use it to make my own cafe?

[ Akechi only huffs a chuckle at Akira's banter, but then he talks about Sojiro and Leblanc, and he can't help but let his memories take over, take him back to the peaceful evenings he'd spent over. Wouldn't it be nice if they could have-- ]

... your own cafe?

[ ... huh, that was odd, to be this in sync with Akira-- well, with anyone, really, but especially him. Not a bad odd, though.

With a hum, he leans in over the counter, elbow on the surface and chin on his hand as he glances over the various blends of coffee available. It's definitely quite the hefty selection, but even that couldn't last forever, and it's not like they had reliable access to coffee at the time, either, but... ]

Even assuming you'll have Leblanc's entire stock at your disposal, you might have to manage it carefully. Perhaps only allowing one cup per customer? Or alternating business days...

[ Well. Not that he has any say in it, of course-- that would all be up for Akira to decide. Besides, he doesn't mean to sound discouraging, either, so, as an attempt to fix things, he adds: ]

But, I suppose you're in luck. [ A subtle giggle. ] I hear real state is fairly affordable in this area.

[Of course Akechi has to hit him with the logistics. Akira knows it's foolish, to think something like this can work without any sort of supply chain, and he's on the verge of dismissing the idea entirely when Akechi speaks up again.

(That giggle shouldn't be so cute.)]

...I know it would be hard, but maybe we'll find a way to make coffee. The town will give us beans for planting, or something like that...

[Maybe a miracle will come. But for now, he waves the long term away; even if it's only for a little while, he thinks it will be nice.]

But you're right. [And he smiles.] Finding a good location should be easy.

...Cleaning it up, though... [That'll be harder.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject