awashlogs | July Catch All

Don't call her that.

[It's too sudden, he thinks, but it comes out immediately and he can't stop it, anyway. He frowns, bothered, and once he's satisfied with checking on Izuku, he lets go and sighs.]

Mahiru is dead. It's just a demon. [Mahiru-no-yo... Maybe it's nitpicky, but he seems emotional.] And if you thought I was going to sit there while you were killed, then you really are an idiot.

I can take more than you. I survived, so don't worry about it. [What a hypocrite!!]

[Oh...that's unexpected. Even though Guren's let him go now, Izuku stays right where he is, brows drawn together in his confusion.]

"Her"...?

[He had thought the demon was just a random one that had been sealed into the sword. But it looks like he'd had the wrong idea all along...?]

[He'd gone from "her" to "it" within seconds, without realizing. He frowns.]

Demons are made when a vampire or a human loses themselves. We still don't know how vampires turn into demons in every case, but we know that a human can have their heart taken over and lose their human personality completely.

The girl this demon used to be turned into a demon that way. I had to kill her.

[Izuku's gaze, sharp as it usually is, bores right into Guren. There's something about the way Guren had talked about the girl that brings a question to mind, but it stays at the tip of his tongue.

Izuku takes a moment before forcing the question out, quiet and subdued.]

Did you...know her? The girl.

...

[Guren is quiet for too long at that question. He stares at his hands, and then turns quietly to stare back meaningfully at his bedroom door, where Dextera must be waiting patiently. That's a clue that he doesn't think about, too.]

Yeah, I did. I was trying to save her. I failed.

[That's not a good sign, the silence. Izuku follows Guren's gaze back to the door, and there's a thought there, a connection that he doesn't want to make immediately.]

Oh... [It's said softly. Despite the mental resistance, it clicks into place anyway. It explains Guren's reaction just now. Izuku exhales quietly.] I'm sorry.

[That you had to do that, that you had to go through that in the first place.]

...Don't apologize for something you're not involved in. It's all in the past. That was years ago. It doesn't matter now.

[Those latter comments are all lies, of course. He's trying to be tough, as always. Here, with one eye bandaged, along with his chest again, leaning against the wall in the hallway. Hm.]

What matters right now is that you're alive, despite that stunt you pulled. Next time, you listen to your superior. I can recover from these hits better than anyone. I'm thinking strategically.

[He's trying to act like it wasn't self sacrificing when it totally was.]

[Is that true, though? Izuku's eyes bore into Guren's for a moment.] Just because it was years ago doesn't mean it isn't important now. [Especially with the way Guren had reacted earlier. Not to mention, if the demon version of her is sealed in the sword...]

And...I was thinking strategically, too! I couldn't have broken either of my legs when we still had to escape, and my left arm isn't as damaged...I thought about it carefully before I used that much power. [He sounds way tpo nonchalant about this, as if he's...used to it?]

I'm serious!

[He snaps, then, angry and full of plenty of other emotions that are hiding there in plain reach, behind his scowl, his eyes. He's curling his fingers too tight into his own palms.]

I don't want to lose anyone else! You reacted emotionally, and it could have gotten you killed!

[Izuku flinches back at the sudden outburst. The silence drags on for a few seconds before Izuku finally speaks up again, lowly.] You took a hit for me. Of course I was reacting emotionally!

I was serious, too. About the strategizing. Breaking my arm like that isn't new--I knew what I was doing.

[He... knows. He knows, he can understand, and he would have done the same in Izuku's shoes. That's why he grows silent, his stare staying off of him, his hands still curled tight.

He's trying to teach someone when he's not even strong enough himself. He's been leading people like this for years, and he's still so far behind.

This was too close to the bogeyman incident. Too similar to every loss of friends back home. He can't take it... His heart is too weak. Every death, every risk, it builds up, he worries, he cracks.

With a mess of too many things in his head, he doesn't say anything to Izuku now.]

[After all the scolding, the silence makes it incredibly obvious that Guren's lost in thought. About what, though, Izuku can only make a few educated guesses.]

Sensei....? [Izuku, after some hesitation, puts a hand on one of Guren's curled fists, head bowed slightly.]

You don't...have to worry about me. I still have a lot to do when I get home, you know? I...I won't go down that easily. L-like I said, dealing with my quirk's backlash isn't exactly new. And I already promised Shouto that I'd do my best to stay alive here. [He's rambling now, a little anxious that he might be reading this wrong, but he pushes through anyway.] If you want, I can make that promise to you, too.

...If you're going to promise something like that, make it a promise to yourself.

[He speaks, finally, breathing out harshly, and pushing to stand up where he is.]

I don't need to hear it. I just need you to stay alive.

[Izuku bows his head, avoiding Guren's eyes even when he hears his teacher standing up. Does he really need to explain that sometimes it's easier to keep these promises when he makes them to other people, rather than himself?]

I'll do my best to stay alive.

Good.

[He breathes out once he's standing and leaning just against his hand on the wall, looking to Izuku.]

Was there anything else you needed?

[Izuku shakes his head.]

I just...wanted to check up on you now that Amano-san's feeling better. That's all.

[Then, courage flaring back up, Izuku finally stops avoiding Guren's gaze.] What you said to me just now.. do you make that promise to yourself, too, sensei?

[Guren stares suspiciously into the middle distance.]

I can't die yet. [Notably, not the same thing.] I have things I'm doing, and I'm not going to give up on them. It's more than a promise.

[Izuku stares at him, still unconvinced.]

You're not answering the question, sensei.

[Quietly, Guren looks the other way, still clearly lost in thought, and... not replying to that. Hm.]

[Izuku watches him, sighing quietly as he puts his hand on Guren's hand again. Don't ignore him :( ]

What are you thinking about?

Dex is waiting for me.

[It's a little cold, but it's just that he's guarded. Not that he doesn't trust Izuku, or doesn't care for him— but that he doesn't want to burden him with everything that he is. It's this way with all of his friends. He doesn't want them to see him in pain, or they'll hurt, too.]

These wounds heal irregularly, and I don't know if my eye is going to come back. [Hm.] We can talk later, okay?

[Well, if Guren was hoping to distract him, that definitely does it. Izuku gasps, the burst of dismay overriding any hurt that he might've felt at the cold response.]

You're not sure? But the wounds from the bogeyman healed up!

[It's the coldest way to distract, but that's a hook line and sinker.]

Too slowly. Just like these ones— healing didn't do much at all, again. My body is trying to generate, but it's not working correctly.

Still, it'll probably be fine. Don't worry about it.

[He moves, pushing away from the wall slightly to hobble back towards his door.]

Just don't let it be a waste, and watch out for your own neck from now on, too. Heroes can't save anyone if they're dead.

July Catch All

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