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Never say that again.

[HE HATES THIS... But he pushes up from where he's sitting and jabs his finger at Ignis.]

Fine. But we're doing this where no one can just walk in on it.

Oh, believe me. I have absolutely no desire for an audience.

[But up he goes as well.]

To a place with an open floor and doors that lock, then?

My basement should work. It has a pretty big parlor.

[And his roommates don't go down there, really, anyway, but they can lock the door. Maybe they were just chilling in Guren's kitchen to start with, anyway, so now he can head down there! Grumpily.]

[Down they go! Time to get this over with, and hopefully no one will die in the process, or something.]

Very well. To begin, a bit of dance theory: the waltz is a dance in three-quarter time. For every three beats of the music, one full set of steps should be completed. Therefore, much like military footwork, each step falls on a particular beat.

[He raises his arms into waltz position, as though dancing with an invisible partner, and gets his stance correct before moving into the first step.]

As the male in the partnership, you will be tasked with the lead. Therefore, your movements will guide your partner's. Your first step, thus, is forward with the left foot — one. Your next is with the right foot, to the side —

[He demonstrates.]

Two. And on the third beat, the left foot returns, bringing your feet back together. Three.

[Really, it's not like he sees two people waltzing and thinks it's dumb. It's beautiful, really, but it's not him, and so he's left here feeling out of place in a way he hasn't felt since he was a teenager. His mouth is stuck in a permanent scowl, and his eyes focus on Ignis' moves, but he makes no move to replicate them, even if he's sure he should practice.

Left, right, left? Following the beat... It shouldn't be an issue, but he knows he's going to trip over his own feet and fail at it. Why? It's the music, the beat, he doesn't know...

When he does learn it, he'll be a master. But getting there? This is going to be horrible.]

Alright. [He's barely participating... Guren!!!]

Now, that's one half of the box step that makes up the standard waltz. As you'll recall, we've just stepped with our left foot, so this time the first step is taken with the right. And as we went forward previously, this time we proceed back a step —

[He demonstrates again, smoothly.]

And then to the side, and then together. Now we've returned to our original position, having completed one full set of steps.

[And now he motions, a little impatiently, for Guren to come stand with him — at his side, thankfully, so evidently we're not escalating to dancing with each other. Yet.]

With me, then. Left forward, right across, together. Right back, left across, together.

[TIME TO LEARN THIS STEP, SWORDFUCKER]

[Reluctantly, Guren steps up and over. He is being a complete child about this, and he refuses to lift his arms as if he's dancing with anyone, but he'll try the steps. He can remember them, and he can do them, strictly, too-robotically, but he's unused to them and sometimes he mixes them up.

Each time, he gets more frustrated with himself, but there is improvement as he goes.]

That's better. Good. Naturally, with music there would be a beat to follow, but I would imagine a solder would need to have a fairly reliable sense of rhythm, so perhaps it's not altogether a loss that we haven't a tune to follow.

[And after a while, he draws to a slow halt, turning to face Guren properly.]

Now. When dancing with a partner, your companion will be mirroring and reversing your steps. When you go forward, she goes back, and vice versa. You'll lead with your arm — one pair of hands are clasped and held roughly between your two bodies, out like this. On the other side, your hand will go under her arm, resting on her shoulderblade; her arm will lay up the length of yours, with her hand atop your shoulder. Thus, as you move, her arm on yours will help her to follow along with you.

[But obviously he doesn't move to actually touch Guren, because let's be real, both men here are being kind of childish about this.]

...I suppose you'll need some practical experience with that, as well.

[GODS.]

[Okay. Okay, he's tired of this. He's tired of it, and he wants to get it over with and learn this dumb dance. It's a skill he doesn't want or need, but god damn it, he wants to investigate these quests.

So, he's tired of sitting here awkwardly and waiting. Stepping forward just enough, he grabs Ignis' hand a little roughly, his other one moving like instructed to rest on his shoulder. He's being way too intimidating about this, like that will make up for his own embarrassment. If he's the lead, it's better! It's fine!]

Let's just get this over with.

[All right, well, clearly Ignis is going to be the one leading to begin with here, because he's the one who knows how to do it, which means he'll demonstrate first and let Guren see how it's done, and then they can switch. That makes sense, right? That makes perfect sense.

Little does he know his partner does not seem to be on the same wavelength as he is, with regard to that notion.]

Now, then. One, two, three —

[And he proceeds to step to lead, which is probably just going to result in the two of them both kicking each other nice and hard in the shins.]

[And sure enough, there they go, both stepping out confidently at the same time... and a painful collision. Guren curses immediately, stumbling over and releasing his hold on Ignis in the process.]

Ow, what the hell—! I thought you said it was left foot first!

It is, for the — oh, bloody hell.

[Right, then, he's just going to reach down to rub at his kicked shin and scowl at the imaginary footprint left behind on the trouser leg, which is totally there, clearly, obviously.]

I was under the impression we'd be doing another wave of instruction before you took over. Let's do it again — are you leading, this time?

Leading is what I'm learning! If I don't even know that, how can I do them backwards?!

[He's not going to rub at his kicked spot because he is a MAN who can TAKE IT, even if he yelled "Ow" just seconds ago. Clicking his tongue, he moves forward again and holds up his hand expectantly.]

We're close enough. If you just let me go slow and mess up a few more times, I'll get it.

[SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHS except not really because he, too, is too dignified for that.]

Very well. Arm here like this, hands like this...

[He's just going to fuss in order to get the positioning exactly the way he wants it, like the catty thing he is.]

Now. You are leading. Your left foot moves first, as does my right foot.

[And this time the count is much, much slower.]

One...two...three...

[In response to that, Guren squeezes his hand a little tighter. Two adults can be little punks together. The slow pace is actually needed, so he focuses on it at first, still wavering on some steps and nearly forgetting others.

But gradually, he's getting it, and it's enough that he can ask in the middle:]

Why'd you learn this, anyway?

It was part of my education. Back home, I was trained in diplomacy as well as combat.

[He's still salty about being the girl, but at least they're getting the hang of things, albeit slowly. There are some foot-nudges and near-missteps, to be sure, but nothing catastrophic, and they're slowly going in a neat little box step over and over again.]

When attending state functions, it doesn't do to not know how to dance.

Hah.

[At least now, the embarrassment seems to have mostly died away for Guren. It's there, of course, and if Ignis does anything to point out how he's not the best dancer, or that he keeps making mistakes, he'll bristle like a cat— but for now, he's relaxed. And being so relaxed has him moving smoother.]

All I ever had to do was put up with the other branch families and the head family beating the shit out of me whenever they felt like it. I still think it was easier than putting up with all of this.

...It's interesting. Do you recall I told you once that you reminded me of someone I knew before I came here? I feel certain he would've held almost precisely the same opinion.

[One, two, three; one, two, three. It's phenomenally boring to just keep going around and around the same box, to be sure, but he's not about to pressure Guren into getting more complicated with it until and unless he seeks it out himself.]

He considered himself an old war dog, I think. His place was with a sword in his hand, not making nice with starched-shirt bureaucrats.

[They're going and going... and now, Guren has the hang of it enough that they could stop, but maybe he just wants to be thorough.]

Haha. Would he? I don't know how you wouldn't. I don't want to deal with fake expressions and passive aggressive comments to pass the time. Throwing cola at my head or kicking me is straight forward, at least.

[It's preferable?] I was raised to fight and to lead. That's all I'm good for.

You're a direct sort of person. You haven't the patience for the intrigue and implicit minutiae that comes with diplomacy.

[That's...probably a compliment, regardless of how backhanded it might sound if one thinks about it too hard.]

I suppose in its way, the art of negotiation is really just another form of dance. A step forward, a step back — but the two partners never actually move apart from each other, no matter how their give and take might shift them.

[A step forward, a step back... A tortoise and a hare. Guren blinks down between them, squeezing gently at Ignis' hand to let him know that he's slowing to a stop. He's learned this dance, and now he's lost in thought he's hiding from his face, but that tired look in his eyes is there.]

Battle isn't too different from that, either. Whether you're using words or swords, it's all the same. I can fake a smile and bow my head however much I need to, but I don't really like it.

[He guesses that's how it is. He's not a good guy by any means, or so he thinks. He's just a guy meant to be strong who was never strong enough. He's trying to get there.] Anyway, I think we can call this taught, so thanks.

But of course. And I do hope this will be sufficient for the town's purposes, as well.

[Still...hmm.]

And strange a notion as you may find this, I hope the next time you find yourself using this particular skill, you've reason to smile legitimately, without finding yourself having to fake it.

[That's such a surprising thing to hear that the shock crosses Guren's face for a quick moment, eyebrows raising and eyes blinking wider. And then he's laughing, short and quick, and shaking his head. It's... a sweet notion, if anything.

But "Mahiru is dead" is the first thing he can think, and that bothers him in a variety of ways.]

We'll see. [Maybe he'll find a reason for it, but he really doubts it. Who'd want to do something so silly with him...]

Let's hope it is, though.

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