awashlogs | Event Twenty-Three.

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Event Twenty-Three.

Hickety pickety, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen;
Sometimes nine, sometimes ten,
Hickety pickety, my black hen.

t's a beautiful day today. The sun is shining, the Town is peaceful...and there's a new fluffy (or scaly or slimy or who knows what) friend living in your home, staring at you. One moment they're gone, then next they're there, staring at you with bright, inquisitive eyes.

At first, everything seems fine -- they're friendly, and cute, even, and very helpful. But... well, as per all things in the Town?

It can't ever be that easy.

Take care to watch out for what these Cute Animal Companions are going to do, because it's not going to be pretty.

Welcome to Awash's Twenty-third event log, everyone! Further information on this event can be found here at the OOC post. You are welcome to make your own logs and posts for this event!

If there are any questions, please ask them here. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Brightly: ]

Careful what you're offering, I just might take you up on it!

[ WangJi catches that look, and the crestfallen expression, and yes, that also brinks an ache inside his chest.

Tone absolutely even, expression nearly blank, but eyes intense on Wei Ying's, he counters with the man's own words, ]

If I weren't sure, would I be asking?

[ With those words, he realizes, the person whose heart is unguarded is himself. ]

Good, good, good one! Hahahaha! Using my own words on me, you've learned how to tell a joke!

[ He flops back on the bed, laughing. He doesn't want to leave it. The mattress is still warm from Lan Zhan's body. ]

Fine! I'll stay right here until you kick me out! I won't move a muscle!

[ He flings his arms out to the side and shuts his eyes. In the little silence that follows, his stomach growls loudly. A flash of embarrassment crosses his face, before he grins and asks: ]

Hey, got anything to eat?

[ WangJi certainly doesn't mean to wound. Nor has he closed his heart. He is trying, truly trying, to be there for him. The way Wei Ying can make use of it, rather than exhaust himself with trying to understand. ]

Mn. No eating in the bed.

[ ... But there is still a limit, and that's crumbs in the bed.

He rises to go heat up and bring some food. Oh, and add spice to it. He has been stocking up.

Then he brings it up and sets it out on the low table that he uses as a desk. Both animals outside are trying to scratch against the invisible barrier, but there is little that can be destroyed. The young dog might be down to whining. ]

[ He whines as Lan Zhan leaves; and then ]

Aaaaaaaa, kicked out alreadyyyyyyyy! Hahahaha!

[ While Lan Zhan readies the food, he gathers the blankets up around him, inhaling the man's scent. It's comforting.... ]

[ ...but still not quite enough to offset the sounds of the dog's noises outside, turning from barking to abject whining. By the time Lan Zhan returns, he's curled up in bed with the blanket over his head. ]

[ WangJi eyes the huddled figure on the bed and resist going to offer physical comfort, for the moment. Instead, he takes out his guqin and starts strumming softly. One, to drown out the noise, immediately, and two, to possibly put the puppy to sleep. The efficiency depending greatly on just how magical the beast is means that it might only help if certain conditions are met...

But he can try, anyway. ]

[ After a while, a figure emerges from the covers. The smell of food and the relaxing strains of the guqin are apparently enough to entice him. Slowly he slides from the bed, to the floor and creeps up to the table. He reaches for the bowl, and then hesitates. One of the clearest memories of his time at the Cloud Recesses was that the food was terrible. If it wasn't for the restaurants in Caiyi town, he'd have starved.

Still, he can't complain now, seeing as how kind Lan Zhan has been to him, allowing him to sleep and keeping the dog away. Steeling himself, he reaches for the bowl and takes a bite... ]

[ !!!!!! ]

Hey, this is goooood!

[ WangJi continues to play, but his face and shoulders are more relaxed with that pronouncement. ]

When I began to travel outside of the Cloud Recesses, I started learning.

[ He will not, under most circumstances, say that the food he grew up with is bad.

Buuuut some of the food he has tasted outside of it was good enough for him to try and emulate it. ]

[ A young master of Lan, learning to cook of all things. He'd never have thought it possible. Actually, there's a lot about Lan Zhan he'd never have thought possible.

He finishes his bowl and sets it aside, listening to the strains of the guqin. He closes his eyes. If he'd come to Gusu, back then, is this what his life would have been like? Safe within the confines of a protective array, listening to the ethereal sounds of a guqin? Eating good food and bathing in affection?

If he'd gone to Cloud Recesses after the Sunshot Campaign, Wen Qing would have looked for him in vain. He never would have been able to repay what she did for him and his brother. Besides, he was still a member of the Jiang sect back then. He only broke ties to protect his sect, so he could look after the Wen survivors. He couldn't have gone back to the Cloud Recesses then, either.

No matter what, saving himself would have meant turning his back on those he pledged to protect. ]

[ He opens his eyes and looks up, gazing at Lan Zhan's serene face. Probably the man's thoughts are running in a similar direction as his own. ]

I couldn't have gone back to Gusu with you. Even if I'd understood what you wanted.

[ WangJi has had years for those thoughts. He's a little more focused on the present. On Wei Ying's approval of his efforts. On him enjoying a meal.

Then the words come, and his eyes fix on the other man before lowering again. ]

Mn.

That is why... I could only ask.

I wanted to hide and protect you, but hiding... You probably really could not have.

[ He has not given up on the protecting part.

But he does understand. That is why Wei Ying has the token to leave. He has a safe place, but it is not a holding place. Merely an option. A haven to take shelter from a storm, not a final destination. ]

[ He nods. His eyes lid, going unfocused as he sits and listens to the guqin. After a while he speaks, though his gaze is still far away. ]

A while ago, before you got here, something happened in this town. It was something like a dream, except other people could step inside and experience it with you. I remembered that day, at Nightless City. There was... another person there with me. I thought... I thought if I'd had someone by my side, things might have turned out differently.

[ His fingers open and close. His head bows imperceptibly and his brows twitch. ]

She jumped in front of an arrow meant for me, and I... haha.

[ He'd been trying to keep it together, but now his expression crumbles. ]

I killed everybody. Nothing changed. Soul cultivation's about defying the will of heaven, and opposing fate, but...

[ His voice trails off. He shakes his head. ]

Pyra.

[ Quietly, his fingers almost stumbling on the strings. He was playing the guqin that day, too. ]

She told me she saw me there.

[ The playing steadies, and he trickles in a little more spiritual energy. Calm. Some of it is even for himself, because he still... he still thinks that Wei Ying does not want him there. If he could choose, he would not have had him there. ]

You care too deeply. I do not know if Nightless City was fate, or so many circumstances that converged until it came to pass as it did.

You would defy fate for those you care about. That is what I saw that day. Your own demise, you accept. Those you let in your heart, those who try to shield you and pay too deeply. Different.

[ WangJi hesitates a little, then asks. Pyra did not say that, but she explicitly said that Wei Ying had his colors now. ]

Because of... that, in your heart. You lost you colors, no?

[ He senses immediately the spiritual energy sliding into the musical tones. Even like this, Lan Zhan is still reaching towards him, protecting him, and not asking for anything in return. This sensation of mounting indebtedness, he feels buried beneath it. But even though his mind is in turmoil, his heart softens and opens in response to the music and spiritual energy, as if Lan Zhan were playing directly upon his heartstrings instead of his guqin. ]

I don't want anyone to shield me.

[ Having someone sacrifice themselves for him: he can still remember Wen Qing's "Thank you and I'm sorry." He existed in a state of grief-stricken, impotent agony for three days before her needles wore off. She and Wen Ning had tried to protect him, but their sacrifice had the opposite effect: he'd gone mad. It's the worst feeling in the world, somebody else suffering for your sake.

His eyes travel over to Lan Zhan's back, where numerous scars criss-cross under his clothes, evidence that Lan Zhan too had "paid too deeply."

He stands up. ]

I'm going outside.

[ A beat.

Slowly: ]

Will you... come with me?

[ I don't want anyone to shield me. I just want someone to stand by my side. ]

[ I don't want anyone to shield me. WangJi's heart tightens, twists in his chest, but he keeps going, because this is. This is what Wei Ying wants, and maybe WangJi has been trying to do it a little wrong, but he also knows that Wei Ying sometimes needs it.

... and then the question comes, and the pale eyes rise up. Light up from the inside. Not with hope. He's not trying to eke anything out of a future, or out of Wei Ying. But he is just. Glad. He's glad that Wei Ying will trust him with this.

He nods, his fingers first rising from the strings, then spreading over them to still the vibrations so he can put away the instrument and rise. ]

Mn.

[ Not before him, trying to stifle him with protection.

Not behind him, too late to do any good.

But by his side.

Yes. ]

[ At that "mn," he smiles with the brilliance of the sun, feeling warm and bright everywhere inside and out. Light floods into the darkest corners of his soul. It's enough to strengthen his resolve, to do what he said he would: go outside and face his fear. ]

[ He makes it just outside the door of Lan Zhan's house, when the puppy comes running, bounding over to him with joyful yips. He stands frozen. He wants to run, he wants to scream, but another part of him has resolved not to do that.

Even so, he can't help reaching out with his hand, for someone to grab hold of. ]

[ WangJi is walking on an actual cloud, after that look. He's pretty sure that he's floating, his feet not touching the ground because he's so light.

When Wei Ying's hand reaches up, WangJi holds on to it without hesitation, without even consciously thinking about it. He squeezes it gently.

I am here. ]

Do you need... to talk?

[ Wei Ying talks always. He talks when he's happy and he talks when he's confused and he talks when he's angry. But this terror, it has an entirely different effect. And WangJi wonders... he wonders if a reminder that it is acceptable will not help. ]

[ The hand grasping his own, the gentle squeeze: it's enough to tamp down his terror, to the point that he can talk, even though he wants to scream. Right, yes. Talk. He'll babble something or other. Maybe that will calm his nerves, as the puppy continues jumping around at his feet. ]

I...

When I was a child, I lost my parents, you heard that story I'm sure. It's why Uncle Jiang adopted me. Before that though, I lived on the streets. There were stray d-dogs [ even now, it's hard to say the word. ] everywhere, and I had to fight them for food. I had to fight to keep them from making me their food, and so I—

[ He stops just then. ]

What do I care for getting hurt? Forgetting pain as soon as the cut is healed, that's always been the case for me, ever since I can remember. I was too small to fight back, but I'm not small now, so why....?

[ He'd never really questioned it before, his fear. It had always loomed so large in his mind that he couldn't ever think properly about it. Unconsciously, he squeezes Lan Zhan's hand harder. ]

I'm not afraid of beasts or monsters, things that can actually kill me. I... back then...

[ His lips are still moving, he's talking out loud without realizing it. ]

I couldn't be mad at my parents for leaving me. I knew they didn't want to. I couldn't be mad at the heavens, for taking them from me, when I'd been given so much before. There were other kids who had it worse than me, who'd never been loved in their lives. I couldn't be unhappy or afraid, because I knew my parents' spirits would be sad if they saw me like that. So, it was fine. I was okay.

Except... except for the dogs.......

[ He becomes aware suddenly that he'd packed up every bad feeling, every moment of grief, loneliness, anger, hunger, and fear onto the idea of dogs. That's how he'd managed to survive, back then. As soon as he realizes this, however, he wishes he hadn't. Being irrationally afraid of dogs, that's a neat, tidy thing to have in his heart. He can wrap it up and set it in a corner. All of these other emotions are messy and unresolved, spilling out, threatening to overwhelm him. The hand gripping Lan Zhan's goes rigid and cold. ]

[ WangJi's throat tightens, anything he can say, anything he can think freezing with the words that do come. What can he possibly give to help this? He is no good at people, and he is no good at words, and he is no good at making anyone feel better.

But even though the hand has gone cold and clammy, it has not let his hand go. Even though Wei Ying's face has gone pale, he has not turned it away.

So WangJi needs to find words. ]

You did what you could. [ He had been a child.

And even though he can never find the words, WangJi knows that a part of him will always be that years young and the pain will not stop. It's just that the cold and the pain are not all.

He reaches his other hand to wrap on top of Wei Ying's hand, warming the knuckles gently. His voice is... quiet, measured, far cry from the authoritative HanGuang-Jun. But it is a little certain, too. ]

You made them proud. [ Worried, probably, and terrified for him, but proud. ] So young, you found a way. Your own way.

[ It is how Wei Ying works, isn't it. Put him into an impossible situation and he will blaze a path through it. Not a perfect path, not one where each step is considered and balanced and just right. But a path that reaches his destination, and one that others can follow. If thy are brave enough. ]

You did... what you could.

[ No judging. ]

[ He has a lot of packages in his heart, he realizes, neatly boxed up and wrapped tight, or sealed up in jars. He'd never realized how many of them are bursting at the seams, cracking at the seals, oozing out all sorts of unsightly things. He shudders. The last time one of these packages exploded, he murdered thousands. Demonic cultivation... it weakens the seals, it makes things fester, makes the unsightly things even more monstrous. This is what others had tried to tell him, all those years ago. ]

I...

[ But then Lan Zhan's other hand is upon his, warming it, and he can feel the nails on some of the boxes strengthening; but at the same time, seals on some of the jars weaken. What is he supposed to do? How can he keep it all under control? Why — ]

[ Just then, the puppy senses the closeness between its master and some other person. The happy yips stop, replaced by a low growl. Suddenly, teeth bared, it lunges at Lan Wangji's ankle. ]

No! Bad!

[ Without thinking, he bends down to grab the puppy, yanking it away from Lan Zhan. ]

[ And now he's holding a puppy.

?????????

what do? ]

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