Event Twenty-One

[awashmods]

Sometimes I feel happy, Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes I feel curious, Sometimes I feel mad. Sometimes I feel silly, Sometimes I feel surprised. How many feelings, Do I have inside?

t's another regular, normal day in the Town. There's absolutely nothing to show that anything could possibly be wrong; the birds are chirping, the sky is bright, and everything is absolutely, entirely wrong. This time, though? The problem is internal. Slowly, bit by bit, people are going to stop feeling entirely like themselves -- or maybe even stop feeling at all. And suddenly that nice, bright day doesn't seem quite so nice and not quite so bright any longer after all. Welcome to Awash's Twenty-First event log, everyone! Further information on this event can be found here at the OOC post. You are welcome to make your own logs and posts for this event! If there are any questions, please ask them here. Thank you!

Comments

[superioritis]

Then what is it about?

[ His demand is earnest, but a demand all the same. It is a treacherous relief to hear that Shen Qingqiu doesn't consider him weak. Yet for what reason would he speak of watching over him as though Berkut is some sort of defenseless child otherwise? ]

[shizun]

[ Wow, his feelings chose a real shitty time to start coming back. The only thing that he can be thankful of is that he's used to playing one way while feeling another. This time it's acting like my emotions are going crazy when that definitely isn't the truth! ]

It is about caring about you.

[superioritis]

[ Berkut stiffens.

Why? It doesn't make sense. As far as he can recall, he hasn't given Shen Qingqiu a single reason to feel that way. They're acquaintances, if that—nothing more. ]

I don't . . .

[ He doesn't understand.

It has to be the curse. The curse is making Shen Qingqiu say strange things. ]

[shizun]

Well, I know you do not care about me.

[ Like, duh.

I'd call our relationship neutral at best from your side?? I guess that's better than hating me. Actually, it is a lot better than hating me! ]

But I do not need you to care in return.

[superioritis]

Since when do you speak for me, teacher?

[ How he actually feels about Shen Qingqiu is irrelevant. The deep crease in his brow lessens as soon as he voices his challenge. Right now, he's feeling more . . . lenient, as presumptuous as this entire affair has been. ]

Considering your vocation, you must grasp the severity of your intentions.

[ One of common blood, daring to treat royalty so closely? There are boundaries. ]

[shizun]

[ Could his feelings be worse? Come on, don't be that way! ]

I do grasp the severity of my intentions. [ He grasped them when he ran around the network getting rid of any and all death flags! He recognized it then that he was president of Berkut's fan club! ]

But that does not change my mind.

[superioritis]

[ Luckily for Shen Qingqiu, Berkut never went back to read the old posts.

He almost looks to be at conflict with himself. On the one hand, nothing can change his own mind about this being completely inappropriate. On the other hand, he doesn't have it in him to shoot Shen Qingqiu down right then and there. ]

I still cannot abide by that decision. You cannot watch over me.

[shizun]

Because you are a prince and you are the one to look after others.

[ Yeah, I get it!

But he shakes his head as he dismisses that idea completely. It's been vetoed! What's a king to a mob! Okay, that doesn't really work here, but! Point! The fucking point is there! ]

Even if you say it like that, I cannot not worry about you.

[superioritis]

[ If he understands this, why is he contesting the natural order of things in the first place? A commoner really can't grasp a concept like strength the way that a noble can, it seems.

It's frustrating. ]

Your concern is . . . unnecessary.

[ And degrading, yet inexplicably stirring, which is the entire reason why he's finding it difficult to say anything. ]

[shizun]

[ He snaps open his fan.

Your blustering is unnecessary! Like he could say something like that. Really, Berkut is still young and shouldn't have to shoulder taking care of himself. Indeed, he knows even in the cultivation world that Berkut's age is considered an adult, but he's a modern man!

I have modern sensibilities! I can't look at you and say, 'Ah, yes, an adult that I don't have to be concerned about at all.' GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT! ]

Yet you have it all the same.

[superioritis]

[ No matter what he says, Shen Qingqiu will stubbornly fight him. Berkut can't help but to sigh as he looks away. ]

Does this mean you'll be making more visits to my . . . domicile?

[ He hasn't forgotten what was said the last time a visit was made over a concern. How can he? While his understanding of the event is lukewarm at this time, he remembers how much he'd seethed in the aftermath under the roof he refuses to call home. Domicile is hardly any better. ]

[shizun]

[ Damn right it does, motherfucker! ]

Yes, I will be visiting much more.

[ Be shameless. Be shameless. He can't blame you if you're shameless now! He breathes in deep as he steps forward. Go on! ]

You have not had anyone look after you for awhile, and so I will remind you what it is like. [ I FUCKING DID IT! ]

[superioritis]

[ Berkut grimaces. ]

All my life, I was taught by my father and my mother to be strong. I do not need a reminder that goes against their teachings.

1/2

[shizun]

[ What's this development. I thought you were an orphan. ]

[shizun]

[ He mentally waves his hand dismissing his distracting thought. ]

It does not go against their teaching to have someone look out for you. Is your strength one that no one can watch over you? [ Yeah, probably! Keep talking, me! ] You can be strong and have someone care for you. These things are not mutually exclusive.

[superioritis]

[ He thinks of his uncle—Mighty Emperor of Rigel, who sits upon the throne with the same standoffish gaze that Berkut has seen all his life; Emperor Rudolf, who keeps even the last of his bloodline at arm's length; His Majesty the Emperor, who does not need someone to watch over him, for such is his people's faith in his strength.

Bolstered by these thoughts, Berkut's expression is one of calm acceptance. ]

They are so in the Empire.

[shizun]

We are not in the Empire.

[ So I'm taking that idea and tossing it out the goddamn window! Hello, goodbye!! ]

That way of living... it will not help you at all here. [ He is able to keep his expression controlled in turn, but only because this is the once in a lifetime chance to say shit like this to Berkut. He's worried, okay?! He can't keep having the prince go on it alone!!

IT'S DANGEROUS, TAKE THIS! He has a million memes but the end point is that he isn't going to let him handle it on his own anymore!! ]

[superioritis]

[ He doesn't need help. He's managed just fine till now, and one of his standing cannot bend his knees and ask for help from others. So he's managed. It's been fine.

They're not in the middle of a battlefield, and the curses thus far haven't been too terrible. The dragons came and went, yet here they are, still standing. Why does Shen Qingqiu persist on insisting? ]

I cannot simply forget who I am and what my title entails, because I happen to be here. Where is your grace? It is within my rights to decline your offer.

[shizun]

[ He wants to growl under his breath. ]

Don't have any! [ Right, at the moment, I can act however I like because that's the sort of situation that we're in right now. ] It's in my right to decline your decline, too. [ What am I? Fucking five? Calm down. ]

You need not forget these things. I will compromise and ask that you add this to it. [ Going slow and steady to help you!! But it's time to push it into turbo while I have the chance to do it! ] I am not saying I am above you in status, but merely that I am someone who will watch over you. Can you not accept that, at least?

[ He's throwing everything he can!! ]

[superioritis]

[ Too shocked to do anything else, Berkut blinks. Don't have any? What nonsense is this?

Once the initial shock has passed, he levels a stern look at Shen Qingqiu with the most neutral yet decisive inflection he can muster. ]

I cannot. You are in no place to negotiate with me.

[shizun]

[ Well, he's got a fucking point there. I can't really negotiate with someone to agree to let me watch over them.

He wants to dig his fingers through his hair! Why did I even say anything!! I should have just done it without him knowing!! If he became aware of it, I'd just throw a distraction his way! But--!! ]

The point is that I do not wish for you to feel as though you are alone.

[superioritis]

[ Why does that matter? This concern over something like feeling alone—Berkut finds it difficult to wrap his head around it. ]

My station demands it.

[ There isn't a trace of bitterness or resignation there. It's simply the way things are. ]

Do not misunderstand, Shen Qingqiu. It is natural that a great man should find himself without an equal to call a friend. As such, I do not suffer from being alone.

[ He gestures to the space around them. How funny, that this entire conversation started from Shen Qingqiu's demand that he step aside. The teacher is certainly a bold one. ]

This place . . . Chroma is a test; and your offer, a temptation. Now, more than ever, I must not falter.

1/2

[shizun]

[ In his mind's eye, he wants to hold his hands out and go, "You blind motherfucker! How could you say that shit to me while in hugging range?!" Of course, that is much too bold and shameless to say.

This person is someone that he has to keep an eye on, or else, he really will separate himself from everyone. Shen Qingqiu thinks that he could bring up the young man's love. A wife is a person's best friend! But he knows better than to do something like that. Being shameless, or pretending to be shameless, is one thing, but saying something purposely upsetting is another! ]

[shizun]

[ Ping. ]

Did you say you feel tempted by it?

[superioritis]

[ After a thoughtful pause (albeit brief), he answers. ]

No. I merely said that it was a temptation: one designed to invite reliance upon another. Doing so would diminish what strength I've toiled away to acquire over the years.