awashlogs | catch-all for march!

Eh! Solzun, huh?

[ He turns to look at her. His hand reaches out to lightly poke her face. ] No. I'm vetoing that idea completely. Try again.

[ A small laugh. ] A shining star like you can certainly come up with something better.

[ She only laughs, her nose twitching with the face poke. Ah, looking at those stars will have to wait as she giggles, her eyes shut with the merriment of the mood. ]

If not... Solzun, then what? [ Her giggles are still there, but she seems to have quieted down. Her smile remains, however, just as bright as ever as she looks over at him. ] Solar Qingqiu-- or... or maybe Panel-kun? [ She got that "kun" from how she's seen others on the network address each other! ]

Somehow, I don't think those capture your dazzling-ness, either.

[ He isn't very good at nicknames, but when he thinks of one he is always a little proud of it. Yet to think of one for himself that combines sun panel and his name -- he's failing more than a little bit in figuring out what he could do. ]

Panel-kun. [ That sounds like a joke anime where everyone's in love with pieces of furniture but actually have human designs! ] My dazzling-ness, huh? I wonder if we'll come across a name that fits that best. [ Is there one? Maybe! Maybe not! Probably not! ]

But that's fine. Like the stars in the sky... not all of them yet have names. Isn't it better that way if they aren't named? Somehow, that makes them feel more familiar. [ Like staring up and not remembering the specific name for a star... that's always a little frustrating. But if they're all unnamed, then they're all whatever you want. I guess! ]

[ Maybe she should just call him Sparkles. ] The stars... [ Her gaze falls back to them as she reaches for a snack. ]

To give names and meaning to objects so distant in this universe-- [ "It seems like a very human thing to do," she almost says, but stops herself. Should the stars be sentient, they're likely to have their own names for themselves. In that effect, whatever names the people gave to them here are like nicknames. ]

Hm, but being without a name....

[ Her name-- her true name that she was given-- was the pride, the hubris of mankind. Pyra has never actually thought about it before, about the importance of a name, but seeing as she has three which were all given to her instead of simply leaving her as-is is... quite a strange thought. ] ...Would it change those stars, the kind of light they give to the world? [ No, not at all. ] They can't help produce light, all those particles, both the lighter ones and the heavier ones...

Do you think they're lonely, up there?

[ He takes another bite of the snack in his hand, chewing thoughtfully. On second thought, wasn't it lonely to not name the stars? To look up and feel like a person is alone with only them as company? ]

What I said just now ... that wasn't right. [ Shen Qingqiu finishes what he has as he sorts out his thoughts. ] It certainly wouldn't change their light... you're not wrong. But it helps humans feel closer to them when they're named.

I had forgotten that. I forgot that naming things as you like... it makes you feel like they're yours, or your theirs. [ He rubs his hands together, brushing off the crumbs. ] I think they might have gotten a little lonely.

At least in this small corner of the world. None of us know their names, or thought to name them. But certainly elsewhere in this world, they're being called to fondly... so I'm certain they're just waiting for us to think up something for them, too.

[ A thoughtful hum escapes her after he speaks. To name actual stars... it seems presumptuous in a way, and yet he has a point that it would certainly make one feel more connected to them.

Pyra has the power to create a sun herself-- a small version, a laughable remnant of what she had once been used to achieve for creation eons ago-- but even then... would she name it? ]

The stars in my world... they've carried many different names across cultures and time, to the point that I don't think there's a single one in the night sky that has less than three different names. [ A quiet huff that passes for a short laugh escapes her. ]

If the people here named these stars and constellations for themselves... We can give them new names and meanings as well if we wanted to, and it wouldn't be strange. [ Not that she thinks she has the creativity to name every single star they see. ] You could honor someone by giving their name to one of these stars.

[ She pauses. ] Ah, how's that for making someone immortal? [ Because so long as their name is carried with the life of that star, their memory will be around for ages. ]

[ Jeez. That's a long time. But... makes sense. I think the same's true back home, as well. ]

It certainly wouldn't be strange, no. [ Honor them, huh? He pinches his chin as he looks up at the stars, trying to find a specific cluster. Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to choose randomly; he wants to make sure that it's something that he could pinpoint later. Otherwise, it's the equivalent of walking up to someone saying, "Hey, so-and-so!", when it wasn't so-and-so.

His eyebrows furrow as he moves his head around, slowly. What if he can't see these later? Mm! He's taking this rather seriously even as he remembers the constellations that Pyra showed him from the book. His memory is ridiculous in that way -- even able to remember key details about a multi-volume novel series that he hasn't read in over six years. ]

I want to find some... to name... Pyra, Xie Lian, Wei Wuxian... It would be best if you three are together. While the stars won't be lonely as he name them, they still shouldn't be by themselves without having some named ones nearby. [ Like, that is just obvious! ]

[ He could name a star for everyone in Chroma, really...

Pyra scans the sky for a group of stars that might fit his criteria-- and finds herself smiling as she does so. Really he could just pick any three and connect the dots between them no matter how far away they are and what other stars lie between them upon the night's cavans. That's all the constellations are, painting imaginary lines between points...

--Wait, no. That's... far too of a cynical thought. That's too similar to how she used to think. But she's not like that anymore. Instead, now she finds beauty within simple acts like this. It's the meaning behind it, it's the memories that come along with it. ]

There's no way to know for certain how close those stars are actually together, you know. That one could be a binary system-- and that one could even be the center of an entirely different galaxy... [ Only teasing him though! ]

But... why not at least four stars? You have to be included with us, you know.

[ I knew you were going to suggest it, but I kind of hoped that you'd be touched enough to be surrounded by friends that you wouldn't realize I deliberately cut myself out of the naming.

His smile twitches as his mask almost falls. Ah, it's just a bit much to have a star named after me. He already knows if he says something like that -- it's a death sentence. Not so much in terms does he think that Pyra would kill him, but she would not put up with that sort of thinking from him.

What if I said that it was egotistical! It's egotistical to name one after myself! Inside, he fist pumps as he feels like he found a loophole to avoid having a star named after himself. ]

It's true ... there's no way of knowing, but that's all right. We'll say they're close friends communicating through the vastness of space.

[ And loophole time! ]

This humble one could not name a star after himself. I'm happy to name after everyone that is in this town, but it feels too egotistical if I do it for myself. [ He nods solemnly. ] I'm already immortal and a Peak Lord. [ Two really great things, really!! Asking for more is asking for trouble! ]

[ ...After all that, he's still refusing to name himself a star to be among them. Instead of him saying that he's humble or egotistical, it sounds more like he's actively trying to exclude himself out from the rest, distancing himself further. ]

Mm, then I'll have to name a star after you right next to the ones you name of others.

[ There, that's her loophole! It's said with a sly sort of smile to him at that.

And then Pyra shifts upon the blanket she's spread out beneath them, and after a moment of looking up at the stars she finally lies back upon it. There, that's a lot more comfortable of a position to stargaze. Her voice is quieter when she speaks next. ] ...It would not be the same, [ A sincere, quiet sigh. ] if you are not among those stars with us. [ Symbolically speaking, because yes this is just a matter of naming stars and whatnot, but also-- she means it. She wouldn't want him to not have a star, if everyone else gets one. ]

[ ...................... fuck!

Somehow, he knew that she'd do that but he somehow thought of he tacked on that he has a lot of titles to his name that'd deter her. I really have to learn who it is that I'm dealing with. She's someone that ... once she decides on something, she'll find a way that it'll be done. ]

Wouldn't be the same. [ He feels like he could pepper in a joke of how it would be brighter without him, but her tone tells him that it would not be appreciated. She really is a force to reckon with! ] Then... name one after me. I'll name the ones around. Then, if we're all keeping watch over each other, we'll be all right, ah?

...Yes. [ She repeats, mirroring his affirmation with a smile. She is glad that she's getting her way. And now to choose a star... a group of stars.

It's few, quiet but nonetheless pleasant extra moments as she looks above that she thinks she's found a group that fits.

In the meantime, she lifts a hand to gently pat the spot beside her where she lies: an invitation. Come. ] Peak Lords probably have telescopes atop their mountains to look at the heavens, don't they? But seeing as we don't... It's easier to search for our stars like this. [ Easier on the neck, at least! And a lot more casual, too. ]

[ He offers a half-laugh before he adjusts his robes as he lies down next to her. Ah. His hand reaches for another snack to lightly nibble on as he looks up at all the stars. Somehow ... this is much better than how we were sitting before.

Shen Qingqiu keeps his mouth from hanging open in awe, but looks around at all the stars. Amazing, really amazing. Without the city lights -- what was that? Light pollution? -- it just made everything looks that much more stunning. Somehow, sitting before, it felt more like enjoying a nice sight but now, he feels like he's actually seeing things as they should be seen. ]

It is. [ He rests his hand over his chest -- the one holding the snack as he realizes -- and breathes out. ] Somehow, looking at things like this... I can appreciate it a little more. What is that? A person merely needs a new perspective in order to realize what they've been missing?

Who knew it meant literally, too?

[ How many times has she lied beneath the stars? How is it that only now does she have the time to appreciate them and truly marvel at how they shine? She knows. She knows because back then there was a war, back then she had a purpose to fight. But here there is peace, here she has no directive. Here, she can enjoy watching the sky as the world turns— and let her mind wonder. ]

They seem closer like this.... as if we can almost reach up and touch them. [ She muses softly. ] Or paint with them, should we dip our fingers into space... but I don’t think I could create something more beautiful than what’s already here.

[ Pyra is still looking for an appropriate cluster for the four of them, but that thought alone leads to another. However something about what he says begs the question, ]

Have you... never had the time to stargaze like this? [ As an immortal? She would have thought he’d have all the time on the world to do whatever he’d want. But maybe being a peak lord involves more duties than she realizes. Maybe... all the eternity he has, isn’t really his to spend.

She glances at him from the corner of her eyes. ]

[ Certainly, she says that she cannot make something more beautiful than what is already there, but he denies it. He believes they could create something far more beautiful -- that's his ego talking; that's his pride talking. He believes in the people around him to be able to create something more than even what they're witnessing now.

So he says: ]

... do you think that if we're able to fill this world with color that the stars will also become more colorful? [ A small half-smile. Yes. Even they could change because of us. ]

No. I've never had much time to stargaze. [ He pauses to peek towards her but gives a warmer smile than the half-one he gave before. ] If I looked to the stars, it was to navigate somewhere. I never took the time to really look at their beauty. But that's fine... even if I didn't have the chance then, I have it now.

[ Better late than never. ]

That's what matters, right?

[ He's talking about how they, those here, are making a change upon the very world around them. That they can make things beautiful, not by creating something new, but restoring its color. His words serve as a simple reminder of what they're supposed to be doing here. ]

The light of stars... in my world, they are far-reaching and vast. They have different hues, different magnitudes and spins. Sometimes those colors change over time, sometimes those wavelengths stretch the further those stars travel from us. [ She can at least give her Father credit for that, for using her power and those of her "brothers" to create a new universe that has such incredible beauty within it. ] Not two stars are alike of the billions, of the trillions of them within the universe...

[ She turns her head at him, catching his gaze and that warmer smile of his in that same moment. ] If this world is anything like my own, even with the few of us here I... I do believe that we will be able to restore each and every single hue, shade, and tone to all of them.

So you are right... it matters. It matters because you are here and have that chance. [ ...Ah, she's supposed to be looking for stars to represent the three of them and him, but all she can do is keep her eyes upon him instead. She isn't forgetting what she's seen and hear within his heart. And, knowing that he doesn't believe he is due that chance-- ] We won't be able to find all of those colors... Without you.

[ The idea that the stars may turn a wide variety of color -- it really speaks to him. Sure, he is the person that said it just a few seconds ago, but he hadn't thought of just how beautiful that would actually look. Shen Qingqiu has no idea how re-coloration actually works.

When he wanted to color apples, he held onto apples and touched apple trees. He has no idea if this produced any results in him doing so, but the apples did change colors. But what about the sky? How does one touch the sky to breathe the new shades that he has seen added to it? We just don't know.

But ... he likes to think of that as an end goal. The goal of leaving this world more beautiful than it already was. Ah, because I am? I think-- He turns his head and is surprised that she's already turned hers towards him. His heart actually beats a little faster and he tells himself that it's because of the beauty of the stars -- anyone would get a rush after seeing it!! Anyone!! ]

We won't be able to find all those colors without you, either, Pyra. [ Right back at you, pal! He nearly gives finger-guns to ease his racing heart. But he stops himself. ] Amazing, isn't it? Everyone has their own color. They have their own hue. They have something to add. Just a little. For everyone who wants and hopes to be able to be a change in the world ... we can actually see the change we bring.

[ A brighter smile. ] For those of us struggling, isn't that not wonderful? [ He thinks he might have said something like this similar, but it stands to be repeated. Those that feel like they have not done anything for anyone -- they can now see with their own eyes that they've done something. Even him, with his poor self worth, can admit that he helped something along.

See? I'm trying. I promise. ]

[ She keeps her gaze on him as he speaks, listening and watching him. How strange, she thinks to herself, that when she had first met him she thought him to be a stoic man, someone who kept his expressions as unyielding as polished quartz. But now she sees the minute details to his visage, his tone, as how when he truly smiles... he also smiles with his eyes.

Did the stars being out this smile of his? If so, she wishes they could always be out. It’s like she’s told him before: this expression suits him, when he appears comfortable, at ease... and content. ]

It is. [ Pyra agrees quietly. ] In a way, we’re allowed to see hues and colors that we’d never get to see in our own worlds...

[ ... ]

And... it’s even more beautiful that we bring about these changes not by ourselves, but by working with others.

[ Then her eyes seem to brighten with a new spark of hope— or perhaps happiness. She draws nearer, tone hushed but woven with quiet awe, as if sharing a secret. ] Which means that... if our color is to change, if we change, it is because others have influenced us.

We don’t live.... [ She draws a breath with a new realization that comes to her, that for as long as she’s lived, as long as she has thought to keep herself away and has been kept away whether above the earth or sealed deep beneath its sea... she can’t truly claim to have lived apart from it all. Everything is connected, everything interacts with everything else no matter how distant, just like the stars. Before she was herself, before she was Mythra, she still existed, she was a part of the world no matter how inanimate she had been. It would be impossible to function as a mere observer of the world and not be influenced by it to some degree...

She can’t claim to know all of her memories before the universe was recreated, but— didn’t she... yes, she did. She thought the world was beautiful. ] We don’t need to be alone.

[ That’s not to say that things can’t be lonely or absent, but this thought is a start.

...She has changed, she realizes. Little by little. There are those here who have influenced her, those who actually do know her issues, her want to not exist, and then there is him who don’t any of that at all, and yet still he’s helping to change her and he doesn’t even realize it. ] ...Thank you. [ He probably doesn’t even know what she’s thanking him for, but she says it regardless. ]

I agree. Even if it is not colors I am used to, I can't say that matters.

[ Yeah, some of the colors of this world seem to have gotten more than a little messed up, but what of it? There's a planet that exists that probably has purple milk. He sounds nonchalant about it now, but he won't deny that he thought it was fucking weird when he first came. But knowing that these colors have come from others ... it's a little like, 'Oh, wow. Good job, whoever did that.' ]

Hm? [ He pauses in his thoughts as he hears her moving closer to him. His head turns as he sees her a little nearer, and cannot help but smile fondly as she whispers with her eyes filled with hope and words surrounded in wonder. ]

That's right. We don't need to live alone. But we also shouldn't live alone. [ Okay, okay. I'll be willing to do the big backdown and say that I need to take my own advice. ] The world is too beautiful to simply have all those sights by oneself, ah?

[ His smile brightens, even turning his eyes into little half-moons. He pulls it back when she suddenly thanks him. He blinks wildly as he can't think of anything that he's done that warrants thanks. Um, Pyra... you're the one that invited me out here. You're the one that had the book. You're the one that brought all the snacks and drinks and everything. Why exactly are you thanking the tag-along!?

He looks bemused for a second, before thinking that, perhaps, she's thanking him for the color that she has regained for herself. Saying that I helped to change you? But you helped to change me, too, so... ]

Thank you, too. Really... thank you.

[ Pyra quietly agrees with all that he's saying; can the man read minds? Because she feels exactly the same way... Or, just maybe, he's realized all of that-- of never having to be alone, never having to live alone, far, far sooner than she's ever truly gotten to acknowledge it herself. He's mentioned he's had his peers, his students, the other peak lords to be with him in his long, immortal life, after all. And she... well, looking back, didn't she have her two "brothers" with her all those ages ago?

...It's not the same, really. Perhaps she had been far more alone back then, but she's... not anymore, and that is the important part. ]

The world is beautiful, because of all of those colors in it. Because of everyone in it who makes it colorful. [ She replies quietly to him, echoing what she's said to him before: that she loves the world because she loves everyone in it.

Pyra holds his gaze and his smile for a few moments longer, and then she turns her eyes skyward. ]

Ah. I think I found our stars...

[ She'll point to a bright cluster of three that make a triangle... with a smaller fourth one next to them. ] The three of you are all cultivators... so yours will all be most similar, bright and dazzling in all of your power. The three of you shine upon this world, bestowing your blessings: Xie Lian with his kindness-- the softness there in that star's light, do you see it? Maybe there's a halo of a dusty nebula still around it. [ A smile. ] Wei Wuxian with his eccentricity, because see how uniquely that star's light dances at its edges....? Perhaps his is actually a pulsar. [ A pause. ] And you with your insight, a profound and dignified constant that shines all the way to this earth... Yours is grand star, I think. Heavy, but stable... perhaps with many planets orbiting around it.

[ ...They probably all look like just normal stars with very little difference in reality, but she seems to identify their uniqueness quite easily, as if she can read the very kind of light they emit. Or maybe she's just pulling this all out of thin air. In any case, Pyra appears pleased with her description of the three. Well, what do you know, she enjoys putting meaning to distant stars as well! ]

But the three of you... You are so close-- sometimes I wonder if you are all from the same world. What you all have studied and what you three practice is the same in principle, isn't it? So the three of you... the three of you should be together like that, in these stars we are marking.

[ Although the smaller star appears close to these stars, it's likely smaller because in actual space it is most distant. ]

It is.

[ He offers a small laugh, like they're actually sharing a secret. What is this? Like a pajama party where they're giggling together and about to throw popcorn at one another?

Shen Qingqiu can't say that he minds that thought, though. It leaves a warm fuzzy feeling in the soul that spreads out and warms everything else. Even if the night might be a little chilly, he feels content and happy to be able to have this sort of talk with Pyra. ]

So, be certain to share as many sights as you can with those you care about, ah? [ His voice lilts a little as he teases her just a bit. He doesn't want to say the reality-crushing (and wet-blanket) statement that they never know when they will be transported out of this liminal space. No, I know what I want to say. ]

The world is too beautiful to not want to get drunk on as many memories as you can. [ His tone is soft, almost a whisper, like hers was before as he shares his own "secret" with her. ]

You did?

[ He gives a very small hum as he looks up towards the stars that she points up. He cranes his neck to follow her hand. Huh, but wait? As he listens to her descriptions, he can't help but squint up at the stars and turn his head slightly towards her. Your eyes are really good.

But he realizes that it isn't that her eyes are good. It's just that she looks upon the three of them so fondly and so well. It also dawns on him that they had not just been blindly look at star clusters -- or rather, she wasn't; he definitely was -- but she was seeking out the right kind for them. ]

It's true that we certainly feel very close. [ Xianxia novels have that feel. ] And what we study and practice is the same principle, yes. But it would be wrong to leave you out in the cold. [ He makes a soft tut-tutting sound. ]

Who is helping plan Wei Wuxian and Xie Lian's wedding with me? Who is hoping the best for their love with me? Who is able to see us so closely? You three are the first friends I have made here. You have equal importance and so ... let's find stars that reflect that.

[ Because if she's naming a star after him, he isn't having her take a diminished spot, okay?! ]

[ When his tone drops to a whisper, reflecting the soft way in she had spoken to him moments ago, she almost wonders if he has a way to look into her mind and read it aloud. She feels the same way, about making memories and the like, that they are precious for what they are, and she fancies that this is a memory that they are making together. She looks back to him then, blinking in surprise as a faint, pleased blush appears on her cheeks as she smiles softly up at the stars. She’s not embarrassed by his words, though, simply.... happy, pleased. Happy and hoping that he might considering their stargazing here worthy to be a part of his own memories. She already knows that she’ll be keeping this memory in the making close to her own heart... ]

I’m happy... [ How else can she tell how how grateful she is to have met him? To know him and be friends with him? That he’s dismissing her idea that her star should be separate and instead be among them?

The feeling she’s experiencing now is strangely soft and light, somehow small In his presence, suddenly self-conscious yet simultaneously content; it’s a strange nervous feeling in a way, but not completely unpleasant. She finds, then, that she wants to draw closer to him, to reassure him that she appreciates his words and his company that he thinks of her in such a friendly way despite being different from the three of them; the odd one out as it were.

And so she does— because she is an affectionate person at heart, wanting to be close to others and to be with others. He’s told her to have experiences with those she cares about; well, he is someone she cares about. ] ...that I’m sharing this memory with you, Shen Qingqiu.

[ Smiling to herself, she adjusts how she lies. Bending one leg, she brings her knee up to allow her back to gain a bit of an arc to make herself more comfortable, stretching a bit in the process. Now she can finally rest her head along the side of his shoulder, just as she’s done so at the library. With that done, she focuses back up at the stars. ]

The stars that we end up deciding tonight for all of us... this is going to be a precious memory.

[ He heard her own choice for stars. Now it’s his turn to pick an appropriate cluster. Looking back up at the sky, she wonders just which ones he might select. ]

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