Who told you so, dilly dilly, Who told you so? ‘Twas my own heart, dilly dilly, That told me so.
ouch is one of the most intimate, romantic ways to be close to someone else. The Town knows this very well -- the Town wants everyone to be as close as possible.
Perhaps that's why this bonding is so...aggressive.
Because you're in for quite the shock on this otherwise peaceful day when you brush against the next person on your path.
Maybe you're going out of your way to touch people. Maybe you've got a terrible urge to just see what's lurking in someone's heart. Maybe you trip over a conveniently placed rock -- whatever the cause, you're getting an up close and personal look into someone else's heart.
Welcome to Awash's eighteenth event log, everyone! Further information on this event can be found here at the OOC post. You are welcome to make your own logs and posts for this event!
If there are any questions, please ask them here. Thank you!
[ so maybe they weren’t monsters. they’re just a part of this place, then, falling back into the darkness because that’s exactly what they’re made of. there shouldn’t be anything else here. this is… all there is. nothing is all there is. ]
[That's normally Akira's line, but he knows when he's powerless, and in this situation, he has to acknowledge he can't do anything to protect either of them. He nods, quietly, and pats him on the shoulder.]
I trust you, Dextera. So don't blame yourself for anything.
[ the trust is nice, if unwarranted, because when has dextera ever done anything except be a burden to those around him? even akira, in his boundless kindness, must eventually get tired of playing mediator to his problems with ryo. his shoulders slump slightly. ]
[ there’s another period of silence, where dextera holds onto the thought without expressing it, and akira might just feel the approach of hands—but they stop short and disappear before they actually manage to touch him, because dextera starts to “speak.” ]
…the end of the world.
[ this is it, when all creation is stripped away. ]
[ a complicated question—or perhaps not so complicated at all, when the answer is as simple as admitting to the guilt he’s proclaimed so many times before. he just doesn’t want akira to think less of him, and as soon as that insecurity begins to swell, a shadowy hand claps over akira’s mouth in an instant.
“you’ll hate me.”
it’s dextera’s voice, but from behind akira, rather than from the very definitely mute young man in front of him. ]
[Akira makes a startled noise of surprise at the hand over his mouth. But he won't fight back this time for fear of hurting Dextera, simply looking at him in confusion. A silent question: why would I hate you?]
[ slowly, another hand reaches out, wrapping around akira’s wrist, trying to draw him away—not as forceful as the first time. it’s like leading an animal somewhere, as if the hands can somehow walk him back, away from the light.
dextera walks with him, clutching the crystal tight, but he shakes his head. ]
…
[ “you hate these things, don’t you? cruelty, pain, selfishness…” ]
[Akira allows himself to be lead along, at least for now. He looks confused, then slowly shakes his head. He does hate those things, but it's not as simple as that, as simple as hating a person who is capable of those things.
[ dextera starts slowly, looking at the crystal in his hands. ryo knows this story already. maybe he was even a little bit satisfied by hearing it. he doesn’t know what that makes him feel. ]
[ his heart, at least, can’t lie. it isn’t like the shadows, speaking things that he would never say for the purposes of causing mischief. there’s even a pause, like his heart is waiting to see if he’ll tell the truth for himself. then, he shakes his head. ]
I don’t remember.
[ even his heart doesn’t remember, but there it is. ]
[Akira breathes a small sigh of relief now the hands are gone from his mouth, and he gives an experimental tug at the hand still at his wrist, before looking back at Dextera.]
Did you want to do it? Even if you don't remember, what do you think?
[He's not sure Dextera would revel in destruction in the same way that Ryo gleefully presided over instigating a human-demon war.]
[ of course not… or perhaps he did. with the way he feels now, toward the town, it’s easy to imagine how he might have been pushed to the absolute destruction that he’s responsible for in this place. ]
…
[ instead of responding to that, dextera offers akira the light he’s holding instead, and the hand at his wrist lets him go to take it. if akira takes the crystal, he’ll find answer enough in the feel of it. a loneliness as deep and black as the world they’re currently standing in, the kind of yearning desire for someone else that could all too easily tip over into utter madness.
[Akira carefully takes the crystal, gazing at it intently, and allowing it to show him Dextera's true feelings. What he feels makes his eyes brim with tears-- sensitive to others as he is, he still hadn't been able to perceive the depths of Dextera's loneliness, that yearning, but now it's almost enough to overwhelm him.
Was that part of what drew Dextera to Ryo? That loneliness that Ryo once felt, too... The darker emotions nestled behind it... Perhaps he understands that a bit better now.
He looks up at Dextera, tears falling down his face.]
[ of course, he didn’t hand it over to make akira cry.
it’s just that these things are better felt than said, in that voiceless communication he’s gotten used to. it’s not perfect, and there are things he should answer for that he perhaps just hasn’t yet, but that crystal says more, and more honestly, than he ever could like this. ]
[He gives the crystal back to Dextera, then enfolds him into a hug, if he'll allow it. He can't approve of his actions, but he also can't ignore anyone in extreme pain.]
[ dextera lets himself be hugged, even if he’s surprised by it. plenty of people have given him hugs for other reasons, but to be embraced after admitting he killed the world… by someone he only barely knows, at that… it’s warmer than he thinks he deserves.
of all the people to survive in the desolate world he created, dextera hopes someone like akira could. ]
…
[ dextera misses it, at first, buried in the hug as he is—but the next time he looks, they’re back in chroma. ]
[Akira doesn't notice at first, either, but somehow the world seems brighter when he opens his eyes. It's then he notices they're somehow back in the town.]
Dextera-- did you bring us back?
[He rubs at his eyes, and pulls back to look at him.]
[ dextera looks as if he may have been close to crying, himself, when he pulls away from the hug—and the brightness of the sky above does force a few reactionary tears from his eyes anyway. he blinks away the refraction, and allows some distance to use his hands. ]
[He doesn't understand it, that much is obvious from his expression, but he's glad they didn't become trapped there. Akira wouldn't like to imagine what would have happened if those hands had dragged him off into the dark.
He rubs his eyes again, trying to brush away lingering tears. Though that's easier said than done when Dextera looks so emotional himself.]
he revealed something to someone he was all too sure would find fault in him, but akira understood. maybe he can’t agree with destroying the world, but then, neither would dextera on a good day. being hugged was a warm confirmation that people are more forgiving than he’s experienced.
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ouch is one of the most intimate, romantic ways to be close to someone else. The Town knows this very well -- the Town wants everyone to be as close as possible.
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[Which is saying something, considering Akira's strength is nothing to sniff at. He would have been dragged off for sure if it weren't for Dextera.]
Thanks for saving me...
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It’s my fault.
[ that they’re both here, he means. it must be. ]
So I… will protect you.
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I trust you, Dextera. So don't blame yourself for anything.
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[ the trust is nice, if unwarranted, because when has dextera ever done anything except be a burden to those around him? even akira, in his boundless kindness, must eventually get tired of playing mediator to his problems with ryo. his shoulders slump slightly. ]
We can keep walking.
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Where are we? Do you have any ideas?
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…the end of the world.
[ this is it, when all creation is stripped away. ]
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The end? How did that happen?
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[ a complicated question—or perhaps not so complicated at all, when the answer is as simple as admitting to the guilt he’s proclaimed so many times before. he just doesn’t want akira to think less of him, and as soon as that insecurity begins to swell, a shadowy hand claps over akira’s mouth in an instant.
“you’ll hate me.”
it’s dextera’s voice, but from behind akira, rather than from the very definitely mute young man in front of him. ]
—!
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dextera walks with him, clutching the crystal tight, but he shakes his head. ]
…
[ “you hate these things, don’t you? cruelty, pain, selfishness…” ]
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He's friends with Ryo, after all.]
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[ it’s something, isn’t it? ]
I…
[ dextera starts slowly, looking at the crystal in his hands. ryo knows this story already. maybe he was even a little bit satisfied by hearing it. he doesn’t know what that makes him feel. ]
I destroyed the world.
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'Why?']
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I don’t remember.
[ even his heart doesn’t remember, but there it is. ]
But this is my fault.
[ the hands peel away from akira’s mouth. ]
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Did you want to do it? Even if you don't remember, what do you think?
[He's not sure Dextera would revel in destruction in the same way that Ryo gleefully presided over instigating a human-demon war.]
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…
[ instead of responding to that, dextera offers akira the light he’s holding instead, and the hand at his wrist lets him go to take it. if akira takes the crystal, he’ll find answer enough in the feel of it. a loneliness as deep and black as the world they’re currently standing in, the kind of yearning desire for someone else that could all too easily tip over into utter madness.
it hasn’t, yet. but it hovers there. ]
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Was that part of what drew Dextera to Ryo? That loneliness that Ryo once felt, too... The darker emotions nestled behind it... Perhaps he understands that a bit better now.
He looks up at Dextera, tears falling down his face.]
All this time... you've been hurting.
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it’s just that these things are better felt than said, in that voiceless communication he’s gotten used to. it’s not perfect, and there are things he should answer for that he perhaps just hasn’t yet, but that crystal says more, and more honestly, than he ever could like this. ]
…maybe that’s why.
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You don't have to keep hurting. It's okay.
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of all the people to survive in the desolate world he created, dextera hopes someone like akira could. ]
…
[ dextera misses it, at first, buried in the hug as he is—but the next time he looks, they’re back in chroma. ]
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Dextera-- did you bring us back?
[He rubs at his eyes, and pulls back to look at him.]
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[ dextera looks as if he may have been close to crying, himself, when he pulls away from the hug—and the brightness of the sky above does force a few reactionary tears from his eyes anyway. he blinks away the refraction, and allows some distance to use his hands. ]
I didn’t… mean to. I think you did.
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[He doesn't understand it, that much is obvious from his expression, but he's glad they didn't become trapped there. Akira wouldn't like to imagine what would have happened if those hands had dragged him off into the dark.
He rubs his eyes again, trying to brush away lingering tears. Though that's easier said than done when Dextera looks so emotional himself.]
Do you feel a little better?
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[ oddly, yes.
he revealed something to someone he was all too sure would find fault in him, but akira understood. maybe he can’t agree with destroying the world, but then, neither would dextera on a good day. being hugged was a warm confirmation that people are more forgiving than he’s experienced.
so, he nods. ]
I’m sorry.
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I've just got a favour to ask. Come to me if you're having a hard time, and you won't have to feel that way again.
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