awashlogs | Event Fourteen.

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Event Fourteen.

Roses bloom and cease to be,
But we shall the Christ-child see.

t's very, very cold. It's cold enough that you'll see your breath fog in the air before you, that goosebumps appear on your arms and legs and a chill goes up your spine. You're inside, in a huge palace with sweeping arches and rooms, but it's no real shelter from the cold -- it's just as cold inside as out.

There's a throne room, a kitchen, various rooms and even a dungeon to be explored -- and outside, a frigid, frozen garden, a lake that's naturally frozen over, and miles, and miles of snow as far as the eye can see.

But be careful while you explore. The snowflake soldiers are naturally dangerous, but even more dangerous than that...there's that creeping sensation of numbness going up your arm, a pang through your chest, and the slow, slow freezing from the inside out.

Try not to leave any of your friends behind, okay? Even if they might look a bit too uncannily like some of the statues hanging around for decoration when they're frozen over.

Welcome to Awash's fourteenth event log, everyone! Further information on this event can be found here at the OOC post. You are welcome to make your own logs for this event, but please keep in mind the lack of laptop function during this event when it comes to forum posts!

If there are any questions, please ask them here. Thank you!

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[It's the kind of reaction he's used to, though really, it could be worse. He really hates getting things like 'no you don't' and 'ghosts don't exist', so he'll count that as tentatively good enough and move right on.]

-oh! Oh, right, sorry, I don't mean to-- you know. Be a distraction. I can help though, if you don't mind? I'll hold stuff or whatever else you need.

[Most of his interest is from concern, but honestly, he's also just plain curious; this is an entirely new sort of thing, and he can't help but be a little fascinated.]

Um, I don't really need any help? I'm pretty used to doing it by myself. Although, I gotta admit I usually do it in the bathroom, not in a closet ... [ A watery laugh because hoo boy, he hopes nobody's gonna stumble upon the resulting mess. ] But um, I'll leave my stuff with you, then. If you don't mind?

[ And with that, he begins pulling off his stuff. He hands his first-aid bag to Ryan first, before following it up with his jacket, and sweater ... and thermal shirt, but not before giving a reluctant shiver. The autopsy scar down his chest is obvious like this, and he hurries to fetch his scalpel and stapler from the first-aid bag. ]

Ugh, I better hurry, it's cold. Oh, by the way, there's a blanket in my bag, so you should use that while you're waiting, okay? [ Patting his bag in Ryan's arm before he retreats to the closet once more. ]

I- yeah, definitely. Don't freeze before you're done, okay?

[He's doing his absolute best not to stare after the shirt comes off, don't make it weird don't make it weird-- and only relaxes when the closet door is shut. Okay, it's fine. This is all fine.

It then occurs to him that he's alone in a freezing room with a guard somewhere on the other side of one door and someone planning to do self surgery behind another and that actually, this should be anything but fine? All he can really do is wait and watch the main door, though he can't manage to stay completely quiet.]

I can sew pretty well, for the record. If that'd help you finish up faster when you're done.

[Sure, Jion said he didn't need help, but that rarely stops him from trying anyway. It just feels a bit wrong to sit around the entire time.]

[ Jion apparently wastes absolutely no time getting to work, because moments after the closet's shut, there's traces of blood seeping across the floor from beneath the door. Which means Ryan's offer of help kind of comes at a bad time??? ]

... thanks, but it's okay. [ There's an uncomfortably wet cough as he answers, and his voice sounds pretty strained. ] I have my stapler.

[ Sorry Ryan. You're just going to have to sit there listening to to gross squishing sounds from past the door. But after about twenty minutes, there's the rhythmic clicking noise of the medical stapler going off several times, and then the door swings back open. ]

Is everything okay? [ Jion looks a little tired, and he's moving a bit gingerly, but at least he looks like he's breathing easier. He plops down on the ground near Ryan, giving a watery laugh. ] And thanks for holding down the fort. That was kind of a lot to ask of you out of the blue, so I really appreciate it.

[It's fine, probably, this is. Somewhat normal for him, honestly; it's been a while since he ran into blood in a room, but it's something he's seen often enough not to be bothered by it.

As soon as the door opens, though, he's quickly gathering Jion's things, passing them back once he's seated again-- shirt first, of course.]

--Yeah, it's fine! Everything's been fine. You're feeling better now, right?

[Ryan is still doing his best not to look too much until the shirt is back on. He's only human.]

Yeah. [ He takes the shirt with a small nod and puts it on, moving carefully to avoid popping the staples that hold together the massive incision down his front. ] It's just that I can't control how much my body produces. And if I don't regularly, um, clean up inside, it starts hurting and getting really hard to breathe. I have a pretty big ribcage, but even it has its limits.

[ A deep inhale and then a slow exhale. ]

I just have to wait a little bit so I'm sure the skin's healed over, and then we can get going.

[ Jion nods, pauses for a moment, then looks to Ryan. ]

So -- sorry, what was that about you seeing dead people?

You mean you heal up fast, too...? That's pretty impressive.

[And absolutely still fascinating. He'd love to keep asking questions sometime (hopefully with some level of tact)-- but he's distracted by the one directed at him. There's just a moment of hesitation there, as he breathes out a slightly nervous laugh.]

It's, well. Exactly what it sounds like. I'm a medium-- my sense for it is pretty strong, so I see both ghosts and signs left from where people have died. That's sort of why I said you can't gross me out, there's... let's just say I've seen a lot and probably leave out the details? Most people definitely don't want the details.

[He's fidgeting idly with the hem of his sleeve as he speaks, not quite making eye contact while he's not sure yet how this is going to go over.]

[ He nods distractedly to say yes, he can heal quickly, but that's obviously not at the forefront of his mind. Instead, Jion quietly considers Ryan's answers for a long moment -- he doesn't look judgmental or upset, just thoughtful. ]

Um, do you see everyone after they've died? [ His first question is tentative, but it's hard to stop at just one. ] Or is it only certain people? Like, is it only people who have, uh, grudges or something? Like ghosts? Or is it just dead people in general? And does it matter how they died? Like ... if someone dies suffering, it doesn't stay that way, does it? They don't keep hurting, do they?

[ It's not like he knows anything about 'seeing dead people,' but the subject of death is one he's obviously thought about a lot. ]

It kind of varies, honestly. The stories aren't wrong about how people with attachments are more likely to be ghosts, but that isn't necessarily always a grudge or anything. Sometimes they don't move on because they need to keep an eye on someone they care about, or because they were just-- unfulfilled, in some way.

[He hums under his breath, there, head tilting back to look up at the ceiling; his voice is a little quieter when he continues.]

But, um. Yeah, if they die suffering, they're... likely to still be affected by it as a ghost. That's part of my job, trying to ease that for them so they can move on, or help take care of whatever's keeping them around. Sometimes all I can really do is let them come haunt my place until they figure things out, though.

[ Those weren't exactly the answers he wanted to hear, and it's obvious from the way Jion's expression tinges with distress.

Because he's had people die on him before, and none of those were pretty deaths. The thought of them still suffering after death is pretty grim, and he needs a moment to digest his thoughts before he can even think to answer. ]

Um, sounds like you've got one hell of a job, huh? [ He gives a somewhat wobbly laugh, fidgeting with his hands. ] I mean, just letting people haunt your place ... I've seen some shit, but I think that'd still freak me out, being around actually ghosts that much? It just feels different from just, um, actual bloody stuff, you know?

They're a lot like normal people, you know? Just... okay, yeah, sometimes death makes you a little weird, but it's not like living people can't be pretty odd themselves. Case in point, right?

[That last comment comes with a gesture to himself-- he knows he can be weird to deal with, honestly, and it's always easiest to rib himself a bit before anyone else gets to it first.

He hasn't missed that distress on his face or the fidgeting, though, and after a little more consideration he offers:]

If it helps-- there's really no guarantee either way, either that dying certain ways will affect them or that they'll even be a ghost to begin with. A lot of people do move on when they pass, even if they were suffering at the time. But being a ghost, it's... I guess you could call it a second chance to find that peace? Make sure they can rest well. It's not like anybody else is going to do it, so I've never really minded them being around.

[ Can people back home even deal with ghosts like Ryan can? And even if they could, it's not like there are people like that tending to the battlefields. Jion hesitates for a moment, biting his lip, but decides not to bring it up. It's hardly a pleasant topic, and ... while they're all stuck here in this ice castle, he should probably keep his chin up, not get mired in such gloomy thoughts.

After a moment of self admonishment, Jion laughs awkwardly. ]

Yeah, I guess you are a little weird ... [ A pause before he realizes how blunt that came out, and immediately looks flustered. ] -- I mean! Just the bit where you were saying I could kill you! That's really weird, okay? But otherwise, you seem nice? It was just the one thing. And it's not like I'm not weird either, so.

[ His face is a little red as he mumbles, ] And, um. Thanks. It does help, what you said.

Oh, that-- yeah, I guess it probably comes off that way, huh? It's fine, you kind of stop taking it so seriously after about the third death. Fourth? Maybe it's four...

[A vague wave of his hand there, like it's nothing important and there's nothing at all wrong with talking about deaths, multiple. But he gives Jion a small smile there regardless, both satisfied that he'd managed to help and trying to be reassuring about this as well.]

Anyway, I said it first, you don't have to worry about agreeing with me.

... four times? [ He probably looks just a little queasy at that, uneasily rubbing at his arm. ] I dunno ... maybe it's only because I'm a medic, but I feel like dying even once is. Y'know. Not great? Four times, geez. I can't imagine how you get used to something like that.

[ What an unpleasant thought. He tries really hard not to picture it. ]

And I still feel like you shouldn't be so casual about saying people can kill you? Just ... you know. As a general rule? What if I took you up on it?

I mean-- you aren't wrong? The actual dying part, that bit sucks no matter how it happens, but... there's not really anything to do but get used to it. Pretty sure most people wouldn't be able to get used to cutting themselves open either, y'know.

[His arms fold across his chest, there, unconsciously. He always says he's used to it, but it's still an unpleasant experience, and he's really not quite as adjusted to it as he says-- but he feels like he needs to be. Fake it 'til you make it, right?]

If you took me up on it, I'd probably die. That's all there is to it, really? Most people won't do that if they don't need to. If they need to, then better me than someone who's not used to it-- and if they don't, well, it's still probably better that they don't end up doing it to someone else in that case too.

[A slight pause, while he tries to find the words he's looking for; it's difficult to explain at the best of times, honestly.]

I'm not... I don't really have a lot I can do, you know? I see dead people, but I can't make them move on or anything. I'm not a medic, or a fighter, or anything like that. So if I'm not going to stay dead, and I can use that to be useful, then-- why not?

[...he hasn't yet experienced what death here is like, or had to face the fact that it doesn't work the same as he's used to. At some point he'll be more careful, but that point is unfortunately not now.]

[ Is this how people feel when he talks about his own healing, he's starting to wonder. Maybe he should be a little more roundabout when he explains it from now on? Jion fights to maintain a neutral expression as he listens to Ryan's expression, but it's obvious none of it sits well with him.

Especially because he has no idea how to respond. Looking uneasily off at the floor to the side, he considers his words for a moment before choosing them carefully. ]

... you know, I heard from someone that when people die here, they come back? But strangely? Like, they came back looking like pencil sketches something, and they acted strangely for a while. And I dunno if that still counts for people who, um, usually don't die? But since normal people aren't supposed to come back from death either, I feel like it might be kinda dangerous to just assume your, uh, not-dying is going to work the same here? Especially since it's not something you can carefully test to see if it still works or anything.

[ That's a reasonable thing to say, right? And it's not like he's lying about anything. A small nod before he adds, ]

And I don't think, um, what you can and can't do should matter? I still think it's a little dangerous to just say you're okay with being killed.

Oh, it's definitely easy to test. 'Carefully' is the sticking point there, and also I know at least two people who would personally kick my ass if I did it just to see what happens.

[He understands their concern, really, but how else is he supposed to find out if it still works the same? It's like they hate learning and experimentation.]

But you really don't have to worry that much, it's not like I just go around telling people they can kill me? I figured I could probably trust you with that, though.

[ He gets the feeling he hasn't quite gotten through to Ryan, but ... that's probably fine for now? He's said what he can, after all, and he's not sure if he can think of any more persuasive arguments when he's kind of woozy and cold.

So Jion settles for giving an awkward laugh as he fidgets with the hem of his shirt. ]

Not sure how I feel about being trusted with something like that? [ He distractedly lifts the bottom of his shirt as he talks, glancing down to check on the status of his incision; the split flesh has already grown a thin film over it, with blood welling up against it but trapped inside. Gross. ] I mean, I guess I'm kinda flattered you did trust me, though. Hopefully I can live up to it some other way.

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Event Fourteen.

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