[ closed ]

[swordfucker]

Who: Guren & Dextera
Where: The Forest
When: 10/27
What: Well, to get out of the dog house he has to take Dextera on a forest trip, and it turns out their big gay bond really helps things
Warnings: None? I'll edit if necessary.

[They've been walking for so long, but Guren refuses to even consider turning back. The feeling is different now— there are no animals anywhere, and the gaze on them has a different intent. He can feel it watching, wanting to test them. That proves that they're onto something.

It honestly makes the first part of the trip pretty relaxing. Walking side by side with Dextera, just spending time with him, doing something that's risky, something like a challenge. Just the two of them. At some point, he smiles and mentions that this isn't such a bad trip, even if nothing happens the whole time.

But eventually, they do come across something. There's a dried out river ahead, a simple raft on the side, and... a pile of rocks? Guren squints at the objects as he approaches.]

This looks like it's going to be a pain. Any idea what it's for?

Comments

[swordfucker]

Dex...

[That question. He frowns, his fingers curling around Dextera's hand as he tugs him closer, a gentle thing. His voice is soft, too, but confident. Sure.]

I'm even more sure than before. Stay with me. I'll answer it that way again and again, so let's go to our house in Flavo.

[passio]

[ dextera nods. he needed to hear it, even if it felt—still feels—somewhat selfish to make guren say it. they’re both being selfish today. isn’t that okay?

he lets guren lead him back to the flavo house. ]

…

[ he can’t exactly blurt anything out, with the way things are, but what he can do is, as soon as they’re inside, touch guren’s arm to get him to look. he has to confess, an urgent admission that’s burning his fingers. ]

She told me that there was a way to lift your demon curse. I said no.

[swordfucker]

[Oh, Dextera. Guren looks at him for a moment, purple eyes soft on him like they always are, and extends a hand to rest at his cheek. Reassuringly, he brushes his thumb over his skin.]

It's a contract, and it's one that I need to make things right.

That's the right answer, Dextera. I would have been angry and alone if you did anything else.

[passio]

I thought… maybe you wouldn’t need me. If you didn’t have that curse.

[ it reveals a small worry that’s been growing larger every day—even now, dextera is thinking about his utility to guren. what’s the point of keeping him around if he can’t soothe him?

dextera knew guren would be angry if that curse were taken away from him, but that’s not all there is to it. he’s worried about where he would stand. ]

[swordfucker]

What?

[It's... baffling to him that Dextera would think this. His hand stills and then moves back down, gripping his shoulder, and his second grabs for the other one.]

Dex, the way I need you has nothing to do with this demon. Of course you help me, but it's more than just...

[He trails off, hesitates, struggles for the words.] Do you have any idea how I'd lose myself if that were to happen? Don't you know that I've been telling you the truth?

[passio]

…

[ dextera exhales harshly through his nose, and nods. he knows. he does know, but it’s so hard to convince himself of his worth when he just took something away from guren because he was selfish. it wasn’t even for the noble reason he can retroactively apply. ]

I just… want to stay with you. But not if it hurts you. Not if I’m not letting you grow.

[swordfucker]

Who says you're not?

[He looks genuinely irritated, not in an aggressive way, but just— frustration, like he wants to shake it out of Dextera. Like it's silly. Simple.]

If my squad was here, any of them would be able to tell you that you're helping me. I... [A pause, and he sighs.]

I haven't been able to let go of the past. You're the first person who's been able to help me look forward. No one else could do that.

Stop going around and making up reasons that you're horrible for me, you dope. I'm not an idiot, or some kid. As long as you keep saying what you believe in and standing by that, while staying by my side, then that's all either of us needs.

[passio]

[ the irritation is a relief. dextera can hear it in his voice how simple he thinks all this is, and it’s a good match for someone who can’t stop thinking about it the way dextera tends.

he nods, rubbing his arm to soothe himself, calm himself down before he says anything more. ]

…

[ speaking of the past, though— ]

I would have failed if I didn’t have you with me. The second test.

[swordfucker]

It's not something that most people can handle. That's why picking up a demon weapon for the first time is a risk.

[He watches Dextera quietly, trying to read him.]

We were there to help each other.

[passio]

[ they were, but dextera is so sure guren could have fought off mahiru by himself. it’s painful, but he has practice, while dextera is just—what? he’s terribly vulnerable, and weak to the temptation. ]

That woman…

[ … ]

She was God.

[swordfucker]

[...Okay, he wasn't expecting that. His hands slip a little from Dextera's shoulders. One drops completely, but the other curls his fingers to hold again. His expression is gentle, not revealing his surprise.]

What did her words mean to you?

[passio]

[ the desire to be one with her is overwhelming, in her presence. she drives people crazy with her own wants, and that want was made from dextera’s emptiness. together, they’d destroy the world to be together.

he touches his scar. ]

She is… was… who I wanted to be with.

[ before guren, before his brother, before he knew anything. ]

To be “one” with.

[swordfucker]

With... God?

[The "is" changing to "was" doesn't make him feel very secure, either, his stomach twisting. But he keeps his face calm, even when his mind is racing with questions. He tries to filter the most important through.]

I don't know if I understand.

[passio]

[ dextera nods. he understands guren’s worry and confusion, and he should probably have answered these questions a long time ago.]

I have her power. She has my voice. We are… parts of each other.

[ dextera is, in many ways, god. ]

She wants me to become one with her again.

[swordfucker]

[This is something beyond his understanding, and that's... all too familiar. The feeling of having it dropped in his lap out of nowhere, trying to wrap his mind around it.]

You've never told me about this. [He says it, but it sounds like he's checking. Like he can't remember if something escaped his memory.]

[passio]

[ dextera shakes his head. he’s told ryo, but that suddenly feels wrong, like he betrayed guren by not mentioning this before now. ]

I didn’t mean to keep it a secret.

[ he wasn’t hiding—it just never came up. ]