awashlogs | [ OPEN? CLOSED? ] as you die, you will understand.

Entry tags:

[ OPEN? CLOSED? ] as you die, you will understand.

WHO: dextera + others! i’m open to anyone but please tell me by PM or at

pavaal if they haven’t had at least like, one conversation.

WHAT: dextera forces himself to face all the people he bailed on after dying.

WHERE: the town!

WHEN: forward dated to late june, and probably the 1st and 2nd of july.

WARNINGS: death death death

[ for the first time, dextera wakes up from death to a sky that isn’t red. it’s all as grey as the world around him, and slowly, the memories return to him—the bogeyman, his brother, the feeling of his very soul being taken from his body. then, there’s a long expanse of nothing. now, his consciousness has returned.

he keeps out of the way at first in this sketchy body, staying private, staying safe with a friend he’s sure won’t tell—there are things he’s not ready to talk about, and faces he’s not ready to see. after a few days have passed, though, and his features reform, color returns, and his voice continues to stay just out of reach, he can finally be seen around town again.

he saw the post. he knows guren announced his death. he’s just hoping that no one will ask about it, if they see him. ]

...

[ as ever, he's silent. ]

( i'll be posting closed prompts in the comments for people who want them, otherwise... go HOG WILD. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Butler in a tuxedo. Tuxedo cat. It was only natural for a ten year old to be silly. Otherwise, they get names like Titus and Goliath.] I guess.

[His eyes flick over the board. He tries another pawn as if he is baiting. He only have understands the envy. He was thinking about it too logically. Was it busy? No, not really. Was it nice?] It’s better than the League.

There’s better people. [His eyes lift to watch Dextera.] What about you? [He doesn’t quite get yet that the brother is a major influencer of negative feelings. He assumed the Bogeyman was playing off family relations.] Your brother?

[ oh. interesting. dextera peers at the board, and his hand floats over a few pieces without touching any of them—and then he moves his knight. focusing on the game helps him feel less like getting sick, getting sad, over the mention of his brother.

it always hurts to think about him, but chess is something they enjoyed together. doing this makes it, oddly, easier to talk about. the more he says it, the more he tells people… he can accept the weight of guilt on his shoulders. ]

Dead. [ a beat. ] In my death, twins again.

[Surprisingly, Damian thinks about Dick instead of Heretic and the other failed clones with his face. When he thinks of a brother, he always thinks of Dick. A shining light of discipline and empathy he hopes to emulate. The real son he thinks his father deserves.

Frowning, he peers at the moved knight.] You miss him. [He misses Dick too.]

It doesn’t take death for you to be twins or brothers. You’re still brothers. He’ll always be your brother.

[Damian moves one of his bishops.]

…

[ dextera would do anything to see his brother again. it’s not just a matter of missing him—a part of his soul was torn away, and he feels like a ghost wandering through life.

he rests his fingers on one of his pawns, thinking. he’s going to move it, he knows where he’s going to move it, but his mind is on damian’s words, too. ]

You’re right—all of it. [ he moves his piece. ] Thank you.

[Damian watches the piece move, and then he glances over the board again.]

What was your brother like? [His eyes flick up. He’ll tell Dextera it’s okay if there seems to be a want not to talk about it.] I never had one. Not—a blood one.

I can tell you about Grayson, though.

[ what a difficult question. it’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about it, but the more he remembers, the less sure he becomes of his own conviction that his brother was perfect, far more deserving of the life that dextera now possesses alone. ]

Older. Conjoined. [ a pause. ] I don’t remember much.

[Con...joined? Damian's brows furrow. Older but conjoined? His eyes drop to the board, but it seems as if he's looking through it rather than at it. At least, for a minute or so.] Richard Grayson.

He's almost thirty. He was in a circus with his family, and they were called the Flying Graysons. A mobster killed his parents. My father adopted him.

[He moves one of the forward pawns from before again, capturing one of Dextera's pawns. It's kind of hanging out in the open now, though, closer to Dextera's side.]

He has an insufferable sense of humor. [This is easier than talking about being Damian Wayne.] Awful. He worries about others more than he worries about himself. He tries to hug you too much.

But he is an exceptional acrobat, and if things are bad, he always knows what to say. He'll never given up on you if you're his friend.

He was one of the best things to happen to my father.

[ the distinction is an important one for dextera to make. even if the difference is just by a few scant milliseconds, by whoever was noticed first by the doctors, it’s burned into him that he’s younger. he betrayed his older brother. ]

It sounds like—you like him.

[ dextera goes ahead and captures that pawn, which leaves the center as anyone’s game. he needs to start building his knight… even if they’re just talking, he’s a little too competitive to let the game go unchecked. ]

We never spoke. One heart—we couldn’t be awake together.

I tolerate him. [Damian Wayne would die for Dick Grayson. He adores the man. Anyone like Dextera can tell by the tone of his voice, the words he chooses, he does in fact like his adoptive brother.] And his horrendous jokes.

[His eyes glance from Dextera to the board, then back to Dextera, searching.] You weren't literally conjoined. [He's thinking about Dextera's abilities.] But you shared a heart?

Were you experiments? [It's a blunt question, but Damian doesn't ask it harshly. He moves one of his pawns in front of one of Dextera's pawns, blocking it.] If you're "Number 13," was he "Number 12"?

[ …and his horrendous jokes. dextera’s mouth twitches in a smile, despite the difficult topic of conversation. no one would go out of their way to mention those awful jokes if they didn’t have some kind of fondness for them. he would like to meet this person, and see for himself what those jokes sound like. ]

Not experiments.

[ how to explain this…? thinking about the logistics of it makes it easier, makes it seem more distant than the gritty reality of his life. ]

Apostles. [ something like it. close enough. he looks at the board, and decides to leave that pawn alone in favor of getting his knight to the center to make up for that move lost. ] But he died. I took everything.

[ his brother never got to assume any name at all. ]

[Apostles. Hm. Damian watches the knight roll out to the clash space of the board. It's a bold move, but puts him under some pressure. He's going to have to figure out if he wants to try for a means to capture it, or ignore it in favor of rallying himself. What's worse, it can jump.]

Have you ever heard of the Bible?

[For now, he moves a pawn toward the knight to try to begin some harassment.]

[ don’t harass his knight, damian… dextera watches the board as damian speaks. the bible. of course he’s heard of it, but then he immediately realizes he takes it somewhat for granted that it’s “of course.” plenty of people here come from worlds where the bible was never conceived at all. where god may not exist. ]

…inaccurate.

[ it’s not as diplomatic an answer as he’d like it to be, but he’s also quite focused on this game. he leans in closer, much better at chess than i am, and makes a move that seems reasonable on the heels of damian’s. ]

[Gonna harass the knight because it's TOO POWERFUL this close. Instead of moving another pawn toward Dextera's knight, he moves his bishop to safety.] It's not real. [His eyes slide up to gauge Dextera's reaction to the attempt at baiting--this time, not anything to do with chess. In all honesty, he isn't trying to be disrespectful.

He's trying to get Dextera to give him more information than normal. People are generally more forthcoming when they're upset and not thinking.]

I was surprised not to find it in the library with the rest of the fairy tales.

[ oddly, it doesn’t upset him at all. the bible isn’t real, as he understands it, though it’s given his order the framework to begin to understand god. in reality, she’s an amalgamation of all the guesses of all the religions in the world, but the archangel… clearly has a bias. ]

It’s not.

[ he agrees, looking to where damian has moved his bishop, and takes a little longer on his next move—ultimately, moving his rook while the knight has little else to do. ]

But God exists.

[Dang. Dextera bringing out the big guns now. They're not playing around. Carefully, he moves his knight up two and hooks a right to rest closer to the middle of the board.] You've met them.

[Dextera said he was like an apostle. They may not necessarily have met eye-to-eye. Plenty of metahumans can speak to people without being present. Only some people think you're crazy.]

[ the both of them are most certainly taking what was intended to be a nice chat between friends too seriously, but maybe given their personalities, an intense chess match over religious discussion was the inevitable outcome of having them alone in a room together. dextera watches that move like a hawk—but there’s nothing he can do about it right now. ]

My world—“her.” [ she wasn’t always, but… ] I was her, once.

[ he advances his knight, the bottom of the piece clacking against the board. ]

So, I cannot die.

[Surprisingly, Damian cracks just the hint of a smile. A female God? He's impressed. Better than being a soggy dude. He prefers the intimidation of being androgynous--being both and all--but he'll accept the omnipotent crush of a woman identity.

His mother wasn't a god, and they didn't agree on a lot of things anymore, but he respects her abilities. She is amazing. God can be a woman. He may or may not low-key be a fan of Wonder Woman, okay.] You said you were an apostle.

But it sounds more like you're the Christians' Jesus. Does that mean I'm playing chess with another incarnation of God?

[ in the eyes of the christians, jesus could never make the mistakes that dextera has. he may have been a part of god once, and eliza calls her “mother” just as the christian god is the “father,” but even so… it’s all seen through the lens of human religion, isn’t it? dextera can’t say what god is thinking, when he’s separated from her like this. he can’t communicate her will at all. ]

…

[ but because damian has smiled, dextera breathes out a laugh, and gestures to the board. ]

God should be better than this.

[His eyes lower to the board. In the movement, he loses a pawn. For a long moment, he doesn't move anything on his own side.]

I think God makes more mistakes than anyone else. That's why we make mistakes. Isn't the saying "we're created in His image"? If God knew everything, He wouldn't exist. There would be no reason to exist, being perfect.

Creating things--there's mistakes. People try to say God doesn't make mistakes to excuse differences, mutations, misfortune. God does make mistakes. But that doesn't mean everyone isn't worthy of existing.

[Damian boldly moves his queen, sweeping it up without pawns in the way to steal the knight Dextera pressed forward. Risky for him.]

How many iterations of realities are there of God trying to create the perfect universe? Each one a "mistake," a failure. All of them have the right to exist.

[ very risky, and dextera notices it, but it’s damian’s words that catch his interest now—a conversation like this, once before. not with damian. with someone else, but his memories aren’t right, and he can’t recall when or why or even with whom he was speaking. as a koriel, yes, but… ]

…

[ he can’t capture damian’s queen right away, which puts him at a slight disadvantage, but he thinks there’s something around it. ]

I agree. [ he shows damian that power again, the pure light flicking off his fingers. ] This, to correct. Even this, fallible. Some people cannot be “corrected.”

[ damian took his knight, but dextera still has plenty happening. he moves a pawn. ]

[Tactical retreat. Damian moves his queen back to its original position. He thought, for a while, the queen was like his mother. Strong with an incredible reach. Maybe it is a little.

But now he's thinking it's more like Selina. Quiet and mischievous. There's no unsatisfaction staying in the shadows and striking when ready. She has all of the power, but not much of the prestige like his father. He'll accept this.] Everyone is made up of good and bad. Merits and flaws. [It's something Bruce is trying to teach him. Something Dick tried to teach him, too.]

Being purified means removing the bad and leaving a shell of goodness that wants only more purity. Something hollow. You destroy the person.

Some people crave it like fools. Like my grandfather. There won't ever be a perfect world without taking from it what makes it a true world.

Your powers. Can you control them?

[ damian has no idea how true that is. purification means death. to remove all distortion is to kill a person, and once an idea sephirah has been made, there’s no way to recreate the body from which it came. dextera can control his powers, yes, but his powers have an outcome he’d rather ignore. the archangel wants to use them for the same purposes, apparently, as damian’s grandfather—and while damian seems to feel his grandfather is unquestionably wrong, there’s a part of dextera that’s still loyal to the archangel’s mission.

he nods, without immediately saying anything else, looking down at the board instead. damian is running—which is expected, for someone who brings their queen out this early. dextera can chase her down, or at least set up a block with his other knight.

despite everything, he’s having fun. he likes chess. ]

They’re cruel. [ or, perhaps, it’s dextera who is cruel for using them. ] But, I can.

[Damian is trying no to be an asshole about playing a game which can be competitive. It's difficult not to be aggressive. Even as Robin, learning under Batman, he's relegated to being aggressive in most combat situations.

It's fine. This is fine. Chill out, my dude.] My father says any power can be cruel, and controlling it is a good start.

I was trained to kill with my bare hands. It's cruel. But I can control it. [He can't do much up front without putting his knight on the chopping block, so he moves the other out of the rim and into the foray between some of his remaining pawns.] Do other people here know what you can do?

[ it’s fine if damian gets competitive, because dextera is probably incapable of feeling deeply, truly competitive against a child. with guren, it gets heated, but even if damian were the best player in the world, dextera still thinks of this as a game. an intense game, that he wants to win, but still a game nevertheless. ]

A few. [ he’s going to fortify his defense with a pawn. ] But not all of it.

[ while other people may know more about him than damian does, damian has probably gotten the most information about dextera’s actual powers in the few conversations they’ve had. it’s… strange. dextera doesn’t keep secrets, even if he keeps quiet, but he feels like he can tell damian anything.

they’re alike, in many ways. ]

Fine. [He doesn't say it as if he's exasperated or Done. It's a genuine that's fine.] But you should tell at least one person you trust. In case something happens here.

[HE'S GOT A LOT OF ROOM TO TALK, but he doesn't think it's the same since he doesn't have any powers. He also doesn't demand it be him. There's plenty of people he thinks Dextera knows that could hear it.] Someone will understand how to handle it. It's less I trust you, and more I'll never trust this town.

[He moves one of his rooks forward just a tad. Hm. It looks like he may be attempting to castle in the future.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject