awashlogs | [Open] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen

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[Open] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen

WHO: Akira and anyone
WHERE: his house mostly
WHEN: Punishment week
WHAT: Akira is stuck in his Velvet Room outfit for a week (complete with shackles and ball and chain!). Come help him (or make fun of him).
WARNINGS: none atm

A: Open to roommates/anyone who visits his house in Ruga

[Waking up in a thin prison uniform, shackles on his wrists and foot chained to a heavy iron ball, had become so common to Akira that when he first opens his eyes, he thinks Igor must have the power to pull him into the Velvet Room from even here.

But the then he realizes he's lying in his orange room in his home in Ruga, and he bolts up in bed. Something is very, very wrong.

Attempts to remove the shackles or the ball and chain are futile, even with his lock picks and and skills honed during his time exploring Palaces. He attempts to get the shirt off by tearing, but it repairs itself. Even his glasses appear back on his side table any time he attempts to put them on.

He gives up quickly enough; he's stuck like this for the foreseeable future.

Thanks to the ball, he's pretty immobile. For the next week, he thumps around the house, the ball thudding on stairs and clanging against furniture. He doesn't move much because it takes a lot of effort, and he turns into himself more than usual.

It's a little embarrassing to be seen this way. Really, not cool at all.]

B: OTA

[On the first day of punishments, a post appears on the network ~~that I didn't want to make a separate post for~~, in Akira's font color.]

This is Akira Kurusu. My mobility is limited at the moment so I won't be able to help patrol Bluo. Carry on the best you can and let me know if there's anything I can help with from here.

Thanks.

B: OTA

[Eventually, Akira misses... well not the sun, since there isn't really one, but he misses the outside. So he clunks his way out, and manages to make it to the stoop before he gives up and sits down. He's already regretting this when he thinks of how hard it will be to get the ball back up the stairs...

Oh well. Might as well hang out for awhile now that he's come all the way here. Anyone walking by the house in Ruga late in the week is liable to see him on the stoop, leaned back and rubbing at his shackles.]

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[ ... ah. The obvious question, of course.

Akechi considers how to answer this-- obviously, he can't say the whole truth, but at the same time, he feels like he'll lose even more of whatever little sanity he had left, if he kept it all to himself.

(For a moment, he even questions that urge, wonders when he had started to need this-- talking, sharing. How odd.) ]

... You could say I have been seeing a lie.

[ And that's about as much as he can say, as much truth as he can share, without revealing himself. ]

I suppose it's a fairytale-like type of reward, to live in a world of dreams. But for someone who's far more interested in uncovering the truth, it doesn't work quite as well.

[ It's far more punishing than rewarding. He got seriously ripped off here. ]

[Seeing a lie, huh? Akira looks curious, though a (perhaps mistaken) understanding dawns on his face.]

...Have you been seeing us again? As kids, I mean.

[Or maybe something like that? Memories of a happy childhood, that Akechi never got to experience. Maybe a family, or a nice home, true friends... something like that?

Whatever it is, it seems cruel, again, to make Akechi witness something like that. And he can only guess at the kind of havoc that might be playing with Akechi's already fragile psychosis. This place seems to like preying on his mind even more than most people he knows.

It knows just how to tap into the right things, to dig at Akechi, and hurt him the most.]

[ Seeing them as kids? Hah. He never did. At the time, he thought that had been cruel-- to see them both in the Metaverse, working together-- but an actual childhood memory would have been far worse. A lot more painful, somehow.

But now? He wishes that's what he had been seeing. ]

Not quite. [ A shake of his head. ] It's similar to that in principle, but the actual vision doesn't involve you at all. It's an even bigger lie, too.

[ Because, as slim as the odds may be, things could still work out between Akira and himself-- they had even had a conversation about this before, a realm of hypotheticals where they each would try to make the other see justice as they perceive it. It was unlikely, but one of them could still change sides; that vision could still be true.

But Shido, as a proud and supportive father? That wasn't a hypothetical; that was downright in the realm of impossibilities. ]

A bigger lie...?

[What does he mean by that? That he saw something impossible, certainly... but then what could Akechi think is impossible?

He has a few ideas. But he doesn't want to blurt them out, because it's clear Akechi is trying to avoid being specific. And that narrows his ideas down.]

...Do you want to tell me about it?

[ Akechi gives him a side glance at the question, and for the briefest moment, he actually considers the offer. ]

... It's not important.

[ But that's all it was, nothing but a split second of potential trust, gone as soon as it came. Telling him about his mother was one thing, but Shido was... dangerous information. Something that could jeopardize his plans, if Akira were to figure him out. So doesn't risk it, doesn't tell him any more than he should know; this much has been enough. ]

What's important is that, given my previous experience, I have managed to avoid falling for these illusions. They may be a dangerous trap, but I will not be so easily fooled twice.

...Mm.

[He nods, though he isn't entirely satisfied. Still, he doesn't want to push, in case it makes Akechi angry. His suspicions have been mostly confirmed, anyway.]

Do you see the illusions now, or is it alright?

No. [ A shake of his head. ] Not right now. I'm not sure what exactly triggers it, but--

[ He takes a pause, pondering over this for a while. Of course he's made enough conjectures by now, and he has a fairly good idea of triggers and how they work, but would that be revealing too much? ]

... I believe it only happens around adults.

[ Well. It's not like Akira knows about Shido, so there's no way he can make that connection, right? ]

[Ah... so his suspicions are right.

It's frustrating, being in this position. He'd like to tell Akechi that Shido is a piece of human filth whose opinions aren't worth caring about, that he knows that's hard to do because it's his father, but he'll be so, so much happier if he does. That there are people that will care about him if he drops his revenge scheme, that they can just talk about this, and Akira knows he isn't a therapist, but maybe they can tide him over until they get back home. Something, something has to help.

But he can't. It would be revealing way too much.]

...Does it have to do with growing up without your parents?

[So he'll start there.]

[ Heh, his opinions aren't worth caring about? Even when he's showering nothing but praise and seemingly genuine affection upon Akechi? When he's acting like what Akechi can only imagine a father would be like, proud and encouraging, understanding of his flaws instead of demanding better, nurturing instead of manipulative? When he's all but encouraging personal growth instead of stealing his innocence and ruining whatever little humanity he still had left?

Akechi could deal with insults, and threats-- really, it wouldn't be much different from life as he had known it for the past couple of years or so. But this? It's just a painful reminder of what he can never have, just real enough to give him a taste, but too fleeting, and gone before he can reach for it.

It isn't rewarding; it's a new level of hell even Akechi wasn't familiar with. ]

Oh? Are you angling for a position as assistant detective, Kurusu-kun? [ But of course, none of those are things he can share, so he keeps to his pleasantries, a joke and a bit of a chuckle to add the finishing touch. ] I'm mostly used to working alone, though I suppose I could use a partner.

[Dodging the question. This must really be something that's tearing Akechi up, if he's trying this hard to keep the conversations away from it.]

Have my detective skills impressed you?

[Am I right? It's the real question here. He already knows he is, but he can only say so much given the circumstances.

It's frustrating.]

Guess I'm getting warm, then.

[ Akira is getting warm, all right-- so much that, if he keeps pressing on, he might as well get burned. It's never a good idea to test Akechi's patience, all the more so when he was already feeling so irritable. ]

Were you not taught not to play with fire as a child, Kurusu-kun? [ It's sad with a chuckle, in all pretense of friendliness. ] It might be more than you can handle.

[ Is he still trying to dodge the question? Absolutely. But it may be a warning, too. ]

...Alright.

[He holds up his hands, a sign that he's relenting, and backs down.]

You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just thought it would help to talk about it.

[That is what he's always saying, after all. But he knows why Akechi doesn't want to talk about this, even though it saddens him that even now, he is sticking to his plan. It seems a breakthrough is still a long ways off.]

[ A sigh wells forth, and Akechi has to fight the urge not to roll his eyes. Akira is visibly disappointed, and perhaps he had been a little more aggressive than what was socially acceptable-- threatening, maybe? As legitimate as his reasons are, Akechi can't risk jeopardizing his disguise like this.

Besides, Akira did share his burdens, though it had been more accident than plan. It might not have been much, but... that was relying on him, wasn't it? Perhaps he should be rewarded.

Without another word, Akechi takes a seat beside Akira, folds his hands over his lap. This isn't easy for him, either, and there is not a whole lot he can say without compromising his plans, but: ]

It's a vision of my... father.

[ The word is almost foreign to him, and if not the scowl itself, then the effort to hide it is visible in his face. ]

[...So he was right.

Thinking of Akechi seeing that man makes Akira want to shudder, but he holds it back. They're far too close now, it would be too noticeable if Akira were to do something now. But after everything that's happened, even knowing his heart is changed back home, just thinking about him makes Akira feel sick to his stomach.

But he pushes it away, because whatever he feels, it's thousands of times worse for Akechi.]

Your father.

[He repeats it softly, but understandingly. He has to remember that all he knows of Akechi's father is that he abandoned him and his mother.]

...I'm guessing it's not a nice vision.

[ Akira could have shuddered or done anything else, really; close though they might be, Akechi's thoughts are far from here, almost disconnected from reality. This place knows exactly how to mess with him, how to reach deep for his desires, and sometimes he finds it hard not to indulge.

Having to talk about it doesn't help, either. ]

On the contrary; conceptually, it is very nice. [ Conceptually is the keyword here, and there's a vacant look in his eyes, even as he scoffs at the (very vivid) mental image of what Shido could have been. ] In these visions, I receive nothing but earnest praise and proud support. It's what I imagine a good father must be like.

[ He can only imagine, of course. ]

But, as I've told you before, I don't like to dwell in hypotheticals. No matter how comforting, a lie is a lie. It isn't, and will never be, real.

[It all makes sense now.

Akira thinks of Akechi's shadow in Shido's palace, eager for approval and willing to do anything to gain it, even killing himself. He thinks of Akechi himself, earning for revenge and yet ultimately reveling in the scant acknowledgement he was given. He thinks of how far he must have fallen through the cracks, for it to get this bad...

For the town to play on that... is exceedingly cruel.]

...That sucks.

[Sometimes, this whole town sucks.]

I'm sorry, that this is happening to you.

[ "That sucks" is... quite the understatement, actually. But Akechi is used to it, used to a life of punishment even back when he was still innocent, so he takes Akira's sympathy in stride. ]

There's no need for that. [ He shakes his head once, already slipping back into his usual mannerisms, forcing a small smile that's polite but not at all happy. ] Like I said, I have experience with these visions, and I believe I have figured out exactly what triggers them, so I've been able to avoid them for the most part. It's... no more than a nuisance.

[ No, it's definitely a lot more than a nuisance, but that would be sharing too much. This is enough. ]

But, I have to say I'm mildly disappointed I didn't get a proper reward this time. [ There's a chuckle, pleasant, melodious, and absolutely fake. ] I have really been craving some sushi, haha.

[A nuisance? Akira doubts that. What he's going through, that's a nuisance; the worst that can come of it is that he can't easily move around for awhile.

What's happening to Akechi... that's something beyond. He still looks at him with sympathy, even if Akechi wants to move on from the subject.]

...Yeah. You deserved it.

[He managed to not steal, unlike Akira. He deserved something more for his efforts; certainly more than abject cruelty.]

[ Yes, a nuisance. He can tell it's all a lie. He's even figured out the mechanics behind it, so he can avoid it, for the most part. It's all fine. He is fine.

(It isn't fine, and he'll never be fine, but talking about it only accomplishes the exactly opposite of setting him at ease. So there, Akira had better have enjoyed this bout of painful sharing, because it's not about to happen anytime soon again.) ]

Regardless, there's no use in dwelling on it, so I simply won't. [ A shake of his head, a shrug, like it was all so easy. So simple. ]

I do have one question for you, though. Phantom Thief or not, you don't strike me as the type to crave material goods... [ Especially considering he lives in an attic and all. ] What was it that made you cave?

Someone needed medicine, and the town offered it.

[He answers the question frankly, as though it's obvious that's what he would break the rules for. He was trying to help someone, and he paid for it.

If he could go back, he would do it again, even knowing what he knows now. He'll always try to help, even if it's futile.]

In the end, I didn't even get to keep it... but I had to try. This isn't a bad punishment, really.

[Annoying, and embarrassing, but bearable.]

... and you fell for that?

[ He can't help but leta hint of judgement slip into his words, though he quickly covers up for it with a concerned sigh. Akira's heart might be in the right place, but did he really have to play the role of dumb hero so literally? ]

I found Caramia-san in a very similar position at the time, though I managed to reason with him. The fact that we wouldn't be able to keep whatever was stolen was one of my hypotheses, and based on what you're telling me, the correct one.

[ A shake of his head later, he turns to look at Akira before he proceeds. ] You really must be more careful with whatever this town offers, especially when we were specifically told not to take anything. Even if you had managed to keep that medicine, it could very well have been poison.

[In Akira's defense, he's pretty sure Guren can't die from poison, anyway. But that's a bit beside the point, so he doesn't mention it.]

I'll try to be more careful next time. But if I think something will help, I have to try.

[Akira will never be able to stop himself from stepping in to help someone, even if it's a foolish decision. He meant it when he told Arsene that he didn't regret his actions, and for the most part, he doesn't regret them since.

The only one he does regret, is the one where he decided not to step in.]

It's fine, though. What doesn't kill me, right?

[ Akira, being more careful? Yeah, fat chance that'll ever happen. ]

What if it does, though? Considering the way you keep tempting it, perhaps one day death won't be able to resist.

[ His choice of words is a play on the latest incident the town had tossed their way and the reason why Akira was currently stuck in this prisoner outfit, but the question is very much serious. ]

I don't intend to die here.

[He sounds serious, too. And the reason for that is obvious.]

I have important things to do, back home. They need me.

[Makoto and Sae, but more than that of course. More that Akechi can't know.]

So you'll stay safe for the sake of others, but not your own?

[ Heh. Akira truly is a textbook dumb hero, isn't he? Worrying more about others than about himself, risking his neck in order to save strangers... Akechi really hates that.

(Akechi hates it even more that there is no one out there who would be willing to do the same for him.) ]

Honestly, I'm not sure whether I should commend your bravery, or chastise your recklessness.

[Open] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen

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