awashlogs | [closed] June Catch-All

[There's that distance, that unease that had hit Yoshiyuki suddenly on the day they met. Ryouma wonders if this is normally how Yoshiyuki acts, or if his presence is just that upsetting for whatever reason. He won't know just by wondering, though.

And yet, Yoshiyuki manages to muster up a smile and continue the conversation. That's fine. He's making some effort, which is all any of them can do. Ryouma rests a hand on his hip and blows out a breath, speaking with a slight, whiny undertone.]

Let me tell ya, it was rough. I'm sure ya heard, but us blues couldn't just eat whatever we wanted. I don't think I've ever appreciated food more than I did back then.

[His smile softens as he takes a moment to study Yoshiyuki. To see if there's any reason why he's so far away.]

You can come closer, y'know. I won't bite ya.

( It was either going hungry or ignoring ghosts and while he hadn't thought about it very much, he thinks that this one is the worst of the two. He can't imagine Ryouma being the type to fall for phantoms and regrets. Listening to Ryouma explain, the first thought that runs across his mind is have you eaten? Is he eating? Is he getting enough rest? Is taking care of himself? Is--

Questions. If he could ask every question on his mind right now, most of them would be making sure the man in front of him was well off. It would be easier if he could just ask them out loud but he keeps them to himself, holding back his questions. Some things are better left unasked. He isn't sure if it's okay to ask.

"It's okay to come closer." Mutsu looks up, and it's like all of that uncertain hesitation dissolves so he can snap, )

I know that! ( Who said anything about being afraid of getting bit? Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki isn't afraid of anything! ) I'm fine right here.

( Being stubborn. )

I was just making sure you were okay is all!

[He's distant. He's defensive. Ryouma files these observations away, close enough to the front of his mind, but far enough away that he can still focus on Yoshiyuki's actions and words. He could try and whittle Yoshiyuki down with perseverance, or bridge the gap between them himself, but he doesn't know the other man's personality well enough to know where either of those routes would lead. Would Yoshiyuki retreat into himself? Would he bolt entirely?

Ryouma narrows his eyes slightly. No, he's got fire in him, even if it's tamped down somewhat. He can probably get away with prodding, up to a point.]

Y'got an odd way of showin' it, but that's real sweet. I'm right as rain, though!

[He even got a bathtub toy boat for all his suffering! It's the little things in life.]

I hope you got by okay. You're awful jumpy, which is a little worrisome.

(He bristles, standing up straighter in a defensive-- no, offensive, posture. Ryouma's right: Mutsu has a fire inside of him and when poked and prodded, it makes him want to fight. In response to Ryouma's teasing, Mutsu can only shoot him a look. Try saying that again and see what happens.)

I'm not. (Spoken a little too quickly.) And I got by just fine.

(He really did, compared to others and he seems rather proud of himself now,)

This place never even got close to giving me anything I really wanted. (Head held high, bragging,) What I want isn't something you can just get so the whole quest was easy.

[Yeah, it definitely seems like spooking Yoshiyuki isn't very likely, but if he can keep just gently poking, then they might actually get somewhere.]

Good, good! We've both been tested and come out stronger for it, yeah?

[But Yoshiyuki goes on and piques Ryouma's interest. Curiosity. He could just want something like friendship or...or love? But Ryouma does wonder. It could be a step too far, but he takes a risk.]

Oh? And what is it that you want?

( And like that, he begins to ease up. Talking does that-- brings people closer and sets aside feelings of unease. )

That's right! ( They'd been tested and come out stronger which is more than can be said for those who came out shaken. ) If that's the best this place can throw at me then things'll be easy.

( Where there's risk there's reward and thoughtless, Mutsu continues, indulging Ryouma's curiosity, )

I'm gonna see the world. ( Not want. "Going to." ) I'll get on a ship and see the world and talk to all the different people in it. Listen to what they gotta say and learn everything from 'em.

( A grand dream. )

[Yes. This feels more real. Like they're on more level ground, like they're closer to speaking as equals, or at least understanding each other a little better. They're not in the clear, not by a long shot, but it's promising. It feels as if they can get there with a little bit of work.

But listening to Yoshiyuki speak about his want, his dream, Ryouma's smile softens, a genuine representation of his feelings this time. Yoshiyuki's passion is so similar to his own, as if he had put his own words into someone else's mouth.

He breathes out slowly, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment, and then he speaks, quietly, unsure if Yoshiyuki will even hear. It's fine if he doesn't.]

Man, it's like you're me.

[Ryouma doesn't have the heart at this moment to try and break Yoshiyuki down, to try and get answers as to his real identity, or to find out exactly why he's being put at a very long arm's length. Hell, he may not have to. He doesn't know. He doesn't know, and yet it feels okay that way.

He glances out over the water again, so disappointing compared to his memories of home, but if there's anything Ryouma can do pretty well, it's look for the upside of things. When he speaks again, it's loud enough to be heard intentionally.]

Just hop on a ship and leave everything else behind, yeah? Feel the wind on your face, taste the salt on your lips, hear the birds overhead...

Nothin' to tie you down, just you, a crew, and the ocean spread out so wide you could swear you're the first person to see parts of it, no matter how many times a route's been traveled.

...It's like bein' free.

( Ryouma whispers something under his breath, something that carries only because of how uncannily silent the shore here is. It gets Mutsu to trip over himself for the moment, what was that? It almost sounded like...

Before he can think too much about it, Ryouma is speaking again though and he finds himself being taken. Words that sound familiar— so familiar he can remember the exact moments he’d heard similar words. Looking out st the sea, the busy sound of a port, something sweet in the air as merchants try to sell their new goods.... like Nagasaki like Tosa like Kagoshima like every time his old master could find someone with an ear willing to listen.

Talking about things he’d started to dream about. Talking about things he still dreams about..

Without warning, he suddenly crouches down on the ground, picking up the sand and letti it run through. His fingers. Quietly, barely a whisper and more like a vague grumble,. )

You’re just like him.

( He’s quiet for a moment turning things over in his mind like grains of sand in his hand, )

It was my old man’s dream.

( Patience pays off. )

[It's easy to get lost in his love for the ocean and all it represents or of what it reminds him. He can almost forget about all the bullshit going on back in Japan or the fact that he's in this nearly colorless town, cut off from everywhere he desperately wishes to return.

The thought that this is what ghosts must feel crosses his mind. Unable to do a damn thing but still existing in some way.

But he shakes his head, clearing it of that thought. Just because the rest of the world thinks he's dead doesn't mean he actually is. He'll get out of here somehow, some time. He's good at getting out of (most) scrapes; this won't be any different. Just more time-consuming.

Yoshiyuki says something, and the beach being so unnaturally quiet nearly allows Ryouma to make it out. But it's just that little bit too silent to reach his ears entirely. Still, he turns and watches Yoshiyuki sift the sand through his fingers, clearly thinking hard on something. Ryouma remains silent, waiting, giving space, until Yoshiyuki speaks up again.]

Did he get to see it come true?

[If Yoshiyuki inherited it, then it's likely he didn't. But maybe they are just so similar that their dreams went down the same path.

He begins to walk the edge of the shoreline, getting a little closer to Yoshiyuki, but not navigating his steps directly toward him, as if he's just taking a stroll that happens to go this way.]

(The sand falls into a small tower and he stops for a moment before reaching back down, taking a handful of tower, leaving behind only the depression where his fingers had scooped at the sand, and he begins again,)

Some of it.

(Only a little bit of it. Ryouma's dream was always growing. Once he'd made one come true, there were bigger ones to follow. He stops again when he senses Ryouma coming closer and he regards him from the corner of his eye, eyes narrowing as he watches him. He might be opening up little by little but he's still guarded.

When he speaks again, though, his words are weighted, implying more to the what he actually says,)

D'ya have a dream?

Edited 2018-06-11 06:28 (UTC)

[Ryouma nods.]

Some's better than none.

[Even a glimpse of happiness has to count for something more than living in despair for your entire life. Eating a good meal once may not compare to getting that chance every day, but it sure beats never experiencing it at all.

He takes some smaller steps, noticing the longer he looks some seashells peeking out from their resting place in the damp sand. He bends down and picks up a few, rubbing his thumbs over them to rid as much sand as he can.]

Would ya know, I've got the same dream. Long-term, anyway. There are some other things I've gotta finish up first.

[Satisfied with his cleaning job, he slowly deviates course to approach Yoshiyuki.]

We got off on the wrong foot when we last spoke, I think.

(Some isn't good enough for Ryouma. Maybe it's better to have only one good meal than it is to have never had one at all. But the Ryouma he knows would never settle for just one meal. What was stopping him from having more? From sharing it with others? Sure, maybe he'd be content for a little while but the desire would come back.

It's obvious Ryouma is making his way towards him now and he tenses. It would be easier to get up and break into a run but he holds his ground. It's his way of letting Ryouma get closer. In his chest, he feels painfully aware of the heart in his chest which begins to twist and ache with each moment,)

Yeah.

(Agreement. He hates this. He can't stand it. It's making him go crazy. It makes his skin itch and it makes him want to scream.)

... I hate beating around the bush. (Empty hand squeezing into a fist. He hates this.) Let's just get to the point.

(Direct and right to the problem.)

I know who ya are. I mean who ya really are.

[It doesn't take him long until he's about a foot from Yoshiyuki, standing there, lightly clacking the shells against each other in his hand. They had connected for a bit there, but it's Ryouma's presence, he's sure, that makes Yoshiyuki uneasy.

And soon enough he starts to punch at Ryouma's charade, cracking it.

I know who ya are.

Of course he does. Ryouma could deny it, could whip some story out of his ass to counter any points made against him, but why would he? What would he gain from continuing to lie?

Nothing. And so he sighs, relieved, and with the beginnings of a smile, as he squats down and drops the shells on the sand, mindlessly arranging them in some meaningless pattern.]

Oh, good. Keepin' up the act sure gets tiring.

[And if Yoshiyuki knows who he is, then he's confident that it's another piece of evidence in his own assumptions.]

Go on, then. What tipped ya off?

( Ryouma's close. Too close. He's been a touken danshi for so long now, every instinct is telling him to bolt. This is dangerous. He's going to mess things up like this. If he says something now, something might happen. Something bad will happen. There will be trouble for everyone. But this isn't a mission. This isn't even the same world, is it?

He holds his breath and for a moment, he almost forgets he needs to breathe. )

I knew as soon as I saw ya. ( Maybe not certainly but he definitely felt it. He tries to keep his voice even but it's tense, careful, controlled. He doesn't want to lose his cool right now. Because saying it out loud makes it true and he can't believe he's having this chance. Another chance to speak to Ryouma. It makes his heart swell as with pride and happiness but it also makes it sink with grief. ) Even if you're different...

( Why didn't he just deny it? Just make up a story and insist Mutsu had no idea what he was talking about? )

I'd know you anywhere 'cause you're Ryouma.

( And right there. That's when his voice starts to shake. )

[Yoshiyuki is so tense; it doesn't take a genius to figure that out, just someone with two eyes and enough sense to realize when people are horribly uncomfortable. Ryouma wishes he could ease this all somehow, but the means seem to be just out of his reach. So he stays where he is, not leaving, but not closing any more distance between them.

Yoshiyuki isn't leaving either, despite everything.

So Ryouma listens, takes in the explanation, and he's sure as to this man's identity. He's also confused - what does he mean by different? - but he'll approach this one thing at a time. And for now, it just feels so good to hear his name again. This is his own doing, slipping Saitani's mask back on from day one, but that layer is rendered useless now and he's...happy for it. He is Ryouma. Let him always be Ryouma.

The shakiness in Yoshiyuki's voice hits him, though. If this really is who he thinks it is, then it hits him all the harder. He lowers his voice, softens it.]

I never shoulda tried foolin' ya.

( He knows too. Just like Mutsu had known who Saitani Umetaro was... Ryouma knew who "Yoshiyuki" was too.

If he ever had to reveal himself to Ryouma, he might be so happy, he'd throw his arms right around him... He'd said it once before and he means it. But it's not the same. It's not the same, it's not the same. And it's that thought that keeps him from reaching out right now. If he holds onto that, he can keep himself from falling apart right now.

Wrapping his arms around his knees, he bows his head down and he definitely isn't holding back tears, )

Damn... why're you here?

[...Ah. Yoshiyuki may hide his face now, and Ryouma may not be able to see his tears, but he can hear them, or at least the effect they have on Yoshiyuki's voice.

He doesn't want him to cry. He's not why he's crying, either, but he can hazard a guess. Ryouma won't live forever, after all, but swords sure can last a long time.

Regardless, he reaches out slowly and lightly rests his hand on the top of Yoshiyuki's head, not patting his head or rubbing it, just...offering comfort as unobtrusively as he can while still invading personal space.]

Why are any of us here? Is that really important?

[Asking that sort of question isn't going to get anything done. Here, back home, anywhere.]

Does my presence really upset you this much?

[Ryouma takes a breath and finishes.]

...Mutsunokami?

( There's a small gasp when Ryouma touches his hair. Even if he isn't the same person, even if he isn't his just knowing that it's Ryouma makes it feel significant. He hasn't felt Ryouma in so long. His hand on him, always gentle, never rough or harsh. Always careful, taking care of him like a precious treasure instead of any other sword...

He says his name and he really can't hold himself back anymore. Without any warning, quickly and impulsively, he uncurls from within himself, turning to face Ryouma--

If I saw him again, I might throw my arms around him.

He couldn't do it last time. He'd been good last time. So let him do it now.

It's probably like getting hit by some great, unstoppable force. Given the fact that Ryouma is also kneeling down beside him, he'll almost certainly get knocked down. Reaching out, throwing his arms around him, holding tight (protectively, even), pressing his face into his shoulder. Because just like Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki had been one of Ryouma's treasured items, Ryouma is one of Mutsu's treasured people. It's been a long, long time and this is something he never thought he'd get to do. He still isn't sure why this sort of thing is happening but what he knows is right now, Ryouma is here. )

Oof!

[And get knocked down, Ryouma does. He hadn't expected Mutsunokami to change his entire demeanor so quickly, so he hadn't prepared himself at all and now he's on his back, in the sand, with another man clinging to him.

On any other day, he'd probably make some quip regretting that he hadn't been so passionately embraced by a woman, but...well, this is different, isn't it? It's not every day you get the chance to meet your beloved sword's spirit in the flesh. Which is still pretty crazy to think about, but he can't deny the reality of the situation when he's literally wrapped up in it.

Wrapped up in Mutsunokami's arms because he's got Ryouma's arms pinned to his sides. But, he awkwardly reaches for Mutsunokami's back and pats him a few times.]

There, there, big guy.

[Okay, Mutsunokami isn't particularly large or anything, but he's bigger than a sword, so. Just roll with it.]

I get overwhelmed by me, too.

( It really doesn't take him long to become aware that he's got Ryouma pinned down and how awkward and uncomfortable this might be. (Not that he really cares too much if he's being completely honest). Selfishly, he keeps hold a little while longer before finally relenting. Letting go, he sits himself back and shuffles to adjust the sword at his side, sitting it down next to him in the sand for a moment. On his knees, his hands rest on top of them, his shoulders are tight, and his back is straight. Not that Ryouma would know any better but Mutsu's posture is different from his usual, casual and confident demeanor. He's completely submissive and respectful in this moment and he can't help but look down because

he's embarrassing mess right now. He refuses to cry but his eyes are bright and wet and his breathing is slow and controlled as he tries to get himself to calm down. He's cool! He's a cool family sword! Ryouma probably wouldn't want a sword that cries easily? Not that he cries easily or anything like that but if this is only their second meeting then he'd like to keep them 100% tear free, thanks.

He looks like he wants to say something-- it's in the way he bites the inside of his lip and the slight tremble in it as he tries to figure out his words. This isn't really like him. He's usually much more certain than this but this whole thing is unbelievable so can anyone really blame him for being at a bit of a loss for words?

When he finally speaks, his voice is soft and quiet, )

... You're really him? ( Like a child asking someone if something is really real. ) Ryouma?

( If this is all some really mean, elaborate joke then now's the time to come clean!!! )

[There are worse fates than being tackled by...a friend? Family member? He'll have to figure out that detail some other time. So even though he is incapacitated for a short time, it doesn't bother Ryouma.

Okay, except he can feel sand almost maliciously getting into every part of his hair and his clothes. When Mutsunokami releases his hold, he sits up casually and shoves his hands in his hair to try and shake out the waves. He's going to be finger-combing sand out for days, isn't he.

While Mutsunokami kneels stiffly at attention, Ryouma sits casually, though he also removes his swords to lay them at his side. As he does so, he glances quickly between his own Mutsunokami and the blade the tsukumogami carries. It takes only a moment to notice how different the blades are, or at least the casings. Something of note, something he'll file away for now.

Mutsunokami speaks, though, and that's more important right now. There's something about his voice, not quite fragility, but almost an uncertainty. Like he's afraid to hope for what's actually true. Ryouma wonders just when this Mutsunokami exists, when the master Tonbokiri told him about brought him into the flesh. He doesn't want to flat-out ask how long he's been dead in Mutsunokami's existence, but he suspects it's definitely something that's happened already. Something of a depressing thought, but all men die some time. That's just the way life goes.

No, he won't upset Mutsunokami with that conversation.]

'Course I am. Tosa born and bred. Though I guess that's kinda obvious.

[His accent - and Mutsunokami's - isn't exactly subtle.]

If ya wanna throw other questions at me, then don't hold back. Who wants to blindly trust a guy who's been goin' 'round with a fake name, right?

( A long time. Ryouma's been dead for a long time. It isn't the mortality of man that gets Mutsu right now-- it's the fact that the Ryouma he remembers was taken away too soon. He died before he could even see the new age. Some how, it's fitting that Ryouma would suddenly re-appear like this in front of him. Unexpected and full of surprises... that's him.

He can't help but snort at the remark. Who would follow around a guy with a fake name? )

Already been there, done that!

( And he can't help but sound proud announcing it. Head up in the air, speaking as plainly as if he was speaking about the weather. )

I'm gonna put it out right with ya. ( He lowers his gaze to look at Ryouma. To really look at him. There are similarities. The way they speak and carry themselves is the same. It's in appearance that they really differ but even then, he can see familiar things. ) We're different, you and me.

Ya've seen the people here. We're all from different worlds. Even things that seem the same might be different. Even if that sword by your side is Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki, we're different. The Ryouma I stayed by wasn't you.

( The more he speaks, the more his confidence returns. Talking does that-- being able to speak about what's on his mind and in his heart is enough. He watches carefully to make sure Ryouma is following. It sounds confusing but this whole place is a mess. None of this is normal. )

We'll find out what's different about us soon enough. ( The differences aren't important. Not right now. ) But none of that matters. That sword is all the proof I need to know who you are.

I'm Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki, the sword of Sakamoto Ryouma. Even if ya aren't the same guy and even if a thousand years pass, I'll always do my best to protect my family.

[The pride that returns to Mutsunokami's voice and stature gets Ryouma's attention, even before his confidence builds the more he speaks. This feels right. This gives Ryouma hope for not only a successful partnership, but also a friendship. If it comes to that.

Somehow he really wants it to come to that.

But he listens, and even though some of the words are pretty nonsense - he's Ryouma but not Mutsunokami's Ryouma? - they're said with such conviction that he can't find any fault in them. Mutsunokami is telling the truth, or at the very least the truth as he sees it, and Ryouma believes him.

Despite these strange circumstances, and the two of them sitting in the sand like the inelegant pair they are, Ryouma can't help but smile. This is just...right. It's as it should be.

And that smile widens at the mention of family.]

Now, now, ya understand that it goes both ways, yeah? Even if I'm not the same Ryouma, I still adore Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki.

[He reaches over to brush his fingertips over the saya of his sword, then lifts that hand to gently ruffle Mutsunokami's hair.]

Even if it's - he's - suddenly got an actual body an' all that goes with it.

[He pauses and his smile turns into a slight frown.]

Hm...you're gonna end up fussin' at me, aren't ya.

[closed] June Catch-All

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