awashlogs | I love the thought of being with you

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I love the thought of being with you

WHO: Dirk & Jake
WHERE: near the woods
WHEN: may 21st
WHAT: that awkward moment when your ex thinks you're the imaginary version he keeps of you in his head
WARNINGS: secondhand embarrassment ahoy?

[ dirk has gotten to know the layout of the town pretty well since he was unceremoniously dropped here, but the woods? not so much. he's ventured into them a few times, just not enough to truly get to know them as much as he would like. preparation is half the battle so it's with the intention of familiarizing himself that he sets out for the woods.

what he doesn't expect to find is a familiar yellow-clad figure also about to go on the same venture, standing just outside the forest. he'd known jake was also here since the day he arrived, courtesy of dave, and although he had wanted to check up on him, he refrained from doing so because of the terms they parted on. of course it was inevitable that they'd bump into each other eventually, it's not like the town is that huge.

it's probably a miracle they somehow managed to avoid each other for this long. he contemplates continuing their streak (he's seen jake now and he looks alright, that's reassurance enough) but ... no, to actively avoid him feels stupid when he's right there. the unmitigated disaster of their relationship aside, they're supposed to be best bros. he needs to suck it up and just approach him. so here goes.

be cool, strider. ]

Hey.

[ nailed it. ]

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[ it's a relief to hear that jake is from the same or at least a very similar timeline. it's been weird enough with dave having to essentially start all over again and john not having any idea what he's talking about so this is nice. real nice. doubly so for it being his best bro who knows him better than anyone.

jake's enthusiasm works to put him at ease, taking some of the edge off the awkwardness. ]

I'm sure you did.

[ it's a shame that jake doesn't know his outcome, but at least it doesn't sound like he met a similar fate to his. that's good and he believes in jake enough to say that and assume he will be fine. his friends are plenty capable and they had more support around than before with the other session's arrivals around. surely they'll live even if he potentially doesn't.

some of the awkwardness returns at that halted movement and it stings. no doubt even casual, platonic gestures of affection are ruined for them now and dirk blames himself for it. he's quick to distract himself with what jake is saying. ]

Dude, no. We wouldn't do that. [ he can speak for roxy and jane with complete confidence at least. as for himself... well, he'd contemplated staying away because he considered himself a toxic element in jake's life and because: ] Honestly, I kind of thought you would rather not talk to me ever again.

[ obviously he failed at keeping his distance, but seeing jake happy to see him makes him guiltily glad he did.

still, he hesitates a split-second before he takes the offered hand and shakes it. frankly it's way too formal for his tastes so immediately after he lets go and holds up a fist. fist bumps improve any situation, right? ]

But I'm glad you're here. I mean, it's not good that we're stuck here at all, but you know. [ ugh, he's failing at trying to put it into proper words but jake nailed it with "somebody i trust" so: ] Ditto.

I hope it doesn't seem like I don't have any faith in any of you in that regard, but I feel as if I rightfully fucked up everything wholesome between all of us, erm. Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit? I seem to be doing that lately. Phew..

_{[ Jake settles a hand on his own chest right over his lungs. He exhales, though, trying to relief any awkward tension or anxiousness he's feeling right about now. He doesn't even think about hesitating to hug Dirk and how that might have hurt him and moves right along with the fist bump. ]}

It's a down right shame the girls didn't make it here. I was fretting at first because of all the important things we've done, but somebody told me that time moves differently here and that all of our troubles back home we shouldn't worry over.

[ it's just as he suspected and like he said to dave back on lotak, jake is blaming himself entirely. he saw that one coming a mile away and so he's not surprised at all. he'd hoped at least jane or roxy would have talked to him on the platform since he practically absconded with dave the moment he arrived, but apparently that's not the case.

they could probably go in circles forever just blaming themselves, so ... ]

No. All of us fucked up in some way.

[ none of them communicated well or said the things that needed to be said. they can't change that now, but hopefully they can do better. dirk certainly resolves to try as he fist bumps jake. they're talking again and that's a good start. ]

They'll be fine. I'm pretty sure I caught a glimpse of Jane before I got here? She looked alright. And I know Roxy is in good company.

[ he says all that and still secretly worries. he'd just like to see them and confirm for himself. ]

_{[ And that's one thing he always liked about Dirk; he was so sensible. Reassuring Jake that he shouldn't take all the blame for everything that happened between them makes him visibly melt, shoulders slouching where they were once stiff and his posture wilting slightly. ]}

.. You sincerely do not understand how tickled I am to find you here. I knew I'd be in decent company along John's side, but even when I was on the platform with so many folks I felt so isolated. I didn't know how to talk to my friends again and I didn't know how to make new ones. Everyone here has been very pleasant and approachable, but I kept wondering where you would be.

_{[ It's bizarre. Back during their dating days Jake wanted to run away from him probably from his own nervousness and Dirk's overzealous behavior, but as an entire whole, Dirk makes him feel safe even if he'd never admit that so easily. ]}

[ ... oh. jake is actually genuinely glad to see him and not just saying that. apparently he's even been thinking of him the entire time he's been here. which of course, same for him, but he wasn't expecting that from jake. not after how dirk broke things off and certainly not given the fact that jake had been avoiding him before that. he figured jake would have been relieved not to have to deal with his bullshit anymore, but here he is, sounding and looking sincerely happy about seeing him again.

dirk can't help feeling relieved and very pleasantly surprised even if he thinks that maybe he doesn't deserve this after screwing up so badly. everything jake is saying is an echo of how he's been feeling though. like he's glad to have dave, different timeline or not, and john is easy to get along with, but it's just not the same as having someone from his group around.

there's a flicker of his surprise shown before the rest of the tension simply bleeds out of him. ]

Likewise, dude. [ so painfully sincere there's even the tiniest hint of a smile as he says it, almost giddy with sheer relief. ] For future reference, I'm in Ruga. My place is on the very corner of the first street on the side closest to Bluo. I have no roomies, so you can barge in whenever you like.

Have you not any citizens to share your vicinity with?
_{[ Oh. He's a little worried. ]}

As cumbersome as all of this malarkey is, I find it a grand opportunity to meet other folks, don't you? Not as if I know much about doing so, but there's such a plethora of people here and they all seem quite nice. You shouldn't isolate yourself intentionally, Strider. I bet you'll make some crackerjack pals in just no time!
_{[ says the kid who likes to run away from people and things..
But there he goes.. onward with the never ending encouragement. ]}

[ the irony of what is said by who isn't lost on dirk, but he'll graciously refrain from commenting on it.

still, this is kind of awkward in that being put on the spot sort of way. dave had understood immediately when he said he moved to a place without other people there since apparently he'd done the exact same thing after arriving. he hardly needed to explain when it turned out they had the same issue with hypervigilance making adjusting to other people being around difficult. it was better to save everyone that trouble.

but to tell jake all that? nah. there's no need to worry him. ]

It's great that there's actually people here and all, but I just don't think I'm good roommate material.

[ never mind that he seemingly had no problem having jake around on lotak. ]

I see.. boy, you're a strange fella! I suppose all that rugged upbringing you're just used to it, huh? Suit yourself, but all I can say is I hope you've at least spoken with other people; everyone here is kind so I know you'll make friends indubiously. I have two room mates and I think we get along swimmingly enough but if I ever feel tuckered out, you know I'll be paying you a visit. Um..

_{[ A brief. ]}

If you want me there.
_{[ HE JUST INVITED YOU. ]}

[ jake please, he just said you could drop by whenever... ]

Of course, bro. You have an open invitation. [ maybe wording it that way will make it stick?? ] But yeah, I did meet some rad people and I have lunch every other day with Dave, so it's not like I'm alone.

[ jake of all people will know how much that second part means to him and so the way he perks up ever so slightly as he talks about his alternate universe brother should come as no surprise. ]

_{[ It must be kind of weird having lunch with your older brother who is your age now and from a different timeline. Jake is kind of sad that Jade isn't here for him to relish in that kind of weirdness, but being with John makes it feel similar. ]}

You know, Dave is a real swell guy. He showed me his comics when I first arrived here. Did you know he makes Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comics?
_{[ Jake has politely asked to be a self insert in his next creation, but we'll see how that goes. ]}

He is.

[ that instantaneous response should probably be embarrassing, but he's not even aware he's doing it. things are kind of weird and awkward occasionally, but it's not like he ever knew his bro. having a version of him tangible and there to actually talk with is better than chasing the ghost of someone once famous. he'll take that over what he had any day. ]

Yeah, he's got a mural over in Ruga too. Have you seen it? It's good.

[ apparently nothing has changed, he still gushes about his bro; alternate version or not. ]

_{[ He catches that fondness in Dirk's voice. It's so small, but he's happy that Dirk got reunited with his brother. He's a little jealous, truthfully so, as he would have liked to have Jade here and have a big ole reunion as far as that goes. Dirk never knew Dave, though. Only stories of him, so he can imagine how happy Dirk must be even if this Dave is a little different. ]}

I haven't. I'm glad he's here for you, though. It must be something else for you.. to not have anything but suddenly have something reminiscent of a family.
_{[ Jake grew up alone, but at least he had his grandmother in his early years. ]}

I don't wish Jade to come here, but golly, it's selfish of me to say I'd love to have her here.

[ he nods, looking the tiniest bit abashed because he doesn't know how to react to jake expressing happiness on his behalf, but also smiling slightly because apparently he can't help that when it comes to his acquired family member. ]

It's strange, but a good kind of strange?

[ if that makes sense. it takes adjusting and some awkward steps with dave being from a different timeline, but they're doing their best to make it work. he's finally getting a sense of what it's like to have family and it makes him all the more sympathetic to jake's plight. ]

Nah, I'd really like to meet her too. [ they can be selfish together. or something. ] Given that we have kind of have a family streak going on here, I think the chances of her showing up might be good.

I'll say. It's hard for me to think of Dave without thinking about all the legendary stories of your older brother. I think I might have put him on a pedestal that he doesn't quite understand.

Yeah? I kind of hope so!
_{[ look at him, hoping for things.. ]}

As I mentioned, somebody said time works differently here. They also mentioned sometimes people vanish and come back later with different memories. I'm not sure if I like that.
_{[ What if the friends his has here disappear? Man, he'd hate that now. ]}

[ oh. oops?? ]

I hope that hasn't made things too awkward between you two. He's pretty different from what my bro was like, I think.

[ and he gives an encouraging nod regarding the matter of jade. it would make sense if she arrived too. or at the very least it wouldn't be surprising. ]

Really? I haven't heard anything about that. That's fucked up. [ kind of worrying to learn about, too. ] ... Or maybe it's just part of all the timeline shenanigans already happening? There sure is a lot of that bullshit going on here.

I'm not the most perceptive fella.
_{[ we know.. ]}

But I think he's enjoyed the attention I've given him if not a bit bombarded and overwhelmed with all the positive things I have got to say about him.

_{[ Jake finally settles down in a seated position on the ground and leans back against the tree. The splinter is nearby, still, but he hasn't said or done anything, so Jake has just been ignoring him. ]}

Somehow, it makes me worry less about home. We were doing important things, but now I feel as if I shouldn't fret about the end of the universe or whatever. Um. I'll take anything that will make me worry less about any gosh darn thing.

[ he'll politely refrain from agreeing or commenting, but... yeah. we know. ]

Take it easy on him. You can destroy someone with effusive praise, you know.

[ or at least it would destroy him, but he gets the feeling he and dave are similar when it comes to having positivity leveled at them.

dirk hesitates a small moment before he joins jake, settling down close enough to keep comfortably talking but with plenty of space between them so as not to maybe make things uncomfortable because of Reasons. ]

That's true. But I'm sure the others would handle things just fine no matter what.

_{[ Yes, join him! Jake isn't uncomfortable with the idea, but he feels nervous about sitting shoulder to shoulder with Dirk like maybe they did in the past; sitting very close. They really only knew each other as a couple when they met in real time so the concept of being good bros in real life is weird. It's hard to find the right balance. ]}

I can't help it. I think he is _{[ WAIT FOR IT ]} so cool.
_{[ HE THINKS DAVE IS COOL. ]}

I wish I could draw as well as him.
_{[ cries.. ]}

You both are so talented in that regard it gives me goose-pimples.

[ it feels awkward having to leave that much space between them, but it seems like the best call to make. especially when he's not sure what will be okay and what won't be now that they're no longer in a relationship. he doesn't want anything he does to be misconstrued or to give a wrong impression. so space and distance is probably the safest bet.

and man, he only has himself to blame for having hyped up his bro so much. OH WELL. let jake think dave is cool, he's not entirely wrong. ]

I don't know about that. I'd say our alien friend has everyone beat.

[ callie's art is the best. ]

But dude, with a bit of practice and patience, you could learn it too.

Me? Pff, no way. I think my side of the family excels more in the thrill of the hunt and whatnot. Taxidermy and such-- I reckon it's art in its own morbid way, but I absolutely love it. I want a whole house filled with stuffed dead things!
_{[ why is he like this and why do you like him ]}

Then when I look back at all the dead things, they'll all have stories to go with it.
_{[ He likes telling stories too. ]}

[ yeah, why does he like him?? dirk doesn't have a clue (just some theories), but hearing him excited about this morbid interest of his brings a pang of fondness all the same. ]

I don't get it.

[ says the guy who surrounded himself with puppets and plush toys and robots. (fake company essentially.) ]

But that's a nice way of looking at it. With the stories and all. Is that part of the appeal of the family tradition?

[ he's talking about stuffing your dead relatives. ]

_{[ Jake chuckles. Man, it's a good sign to see him acting normal around Dirk, but even Jake is a little too distracted to be in a new place to act too weird around Dirk even if he originally was running away from him. ]}

It's funny you talk about that.. Dave brought up the same exact instance! Um. I think you know but for me personally it was too sad for me to stuff G-ma. I just cremated her when I was little.
_{[ A sensitive subject, but he's too amused both Dave & Dirk brought up the same thing to be sad. ]}

[ so this reunion started off on a really weird foot, but so far it's not nearly as awkward as he thought it was going to be. the strange new environment probably helps a lot, but despite everything, jake is also somehow still easy to talk to. he's secretly really glad for that.

the fact that dave apparently brought the same topic up as him makes his mouth twitch with something that's both kind of apologetically wry and amused. ]

So the monsters couldn't eat her, right? I remember you telling me that.

[ as if he could ever forget any conversation they had. also jake was probably way too young to even know how to stuff a body. just the thought of jake as a child having to gut his grandmother... nope. not going there. still, it was apparently a tradition, so: ]

I'm sorry you didn't get to do that for her.

_{[ Oh no, he's frowning. He looks pretty sad at this point. ]}

I didn't really know what else to do at such a young age, but uhm. It's fine. Knowing she's still alive in another timeline in another way makes me miss her less. I just hope... we can give that evil fish witch what for whenever we get back and whenever time moves normally again.

[ fuuuuck. he upset jake. talking about this sort of thing is so different from talking about it online when he can see how it makes jake feel and dirk is at a loss of what to do. he wants to reach out because that's what you're supposed to do, right? except that seems like a phenomenally bad idea given the current state of things between them. ]

We'll get to meet her one way or the other, I'm sure. Here or otherwise. [ that's all reassurance he can offer re: jade. ] And don't worry about the Batterwitch, I'm sure Roxy's got it covered.

[ at least he thinks that's who roxy's group was supposed to fight?? honestly, he probably should have stuck around a little longer instead of immediately absconding with dave. ]

I hope so.
_{[ His voice is small, but he sounds so worried. His posture visibly slumps, eyes falling halfway open as he looks out into nothingness. ]}

I hadn't expect to just end up here, but like i said, at least I'm not alone. Like I said, at least I have somebody who is in the same boat as I; the same timeline too.
_{[ a little glance over at Dirk. Weird relationship now or not, Dirk's presence always eased him (when he wasn't fatigued from him.) ]}

[ he doesn't know what to do or say to make jake feel better here (not to mention that he's obviously the wrong person for that) and he regrets the turn this conversation has taken. if jake wasn't so insistent on being glad for his presence, dirk would have taken it as confirmation that he really is just a toxic influence in jake's life.

but jake keeps saying it and dirk doesn't think he would lie like that so when jake glances over at him, he nods firmly. ]

We've got each other. [ for better or for worse? ] We'll get through this and see everyone again.

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I love the thought of being with you

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