[ open ]

[wooden_one]

WHO: Chu Wanning and you!
WHERE: The harbour
WHEN: Near the end of the month
WHAT: Chu Wanning promised to make a fish dish for Nero. This is his attempt(s).
WARNINGS: Nothing, probably.



i: This is fishing

[Here's the scene:

A man in elegant white cultivator robes is standing at the harbour. In his hand is a golden coloured willow branch whip.

Chu Wanning lets the end of the whip drape over the surface of the water. In an unemotional voice he said:]

Among you who is tired of living? Let the willing be hooked.

[And if you don't interrupt him he'll repeat that phrase a total of three times.]


ii: Which of these can be eaten?

[If you're by the harbour, Chu Wanning might end up approaching you. Hanging from the leaves of his willow branch whip are a whole bunch of mutant fish. A couple have colour, but quite a few are colourless.

He holds the string of fish up to you.]

Which of these are good for frying?


iii: Attempts at cooking

[He'd scaled and gutted the fish very precisely.

But that's when things got difficult.

How does he coat it with flour? And, actually, how much oil does he need to use? How does he know when it's hot enough?

So if you come upon this scene there are a variety of disasters you may be walking in on.

1: He didn't manage to find enough oil yet. So he's set the breaded fish on a clean rock (he'd spent a long time cleaning it). He's holding a talisman in his hand and those who recognize these things may notice it's an exploding talisman. Those of you who don't know anything about it and doesn't stop him from using it will be treated to the sight of him basically burning the fish to cinders.

2: He decides that explosions cannot be a good replacement for deep frying and manages to find enough oil to fill a pot. He holds the fish like he wants to put it in but...he doesn't. Because what if the oil isn't hot enough. Again, you have the chance to avert disaster and give him advice. But wait too long and the oil is heated too much and basically...catches fire.

In both cases, when disaster strikes, he glares at the result and clicks his tongue like this whole thing has personally offended him.

Comments

i

[holycurse]

[Xie Lian had just been considering going fishing himself, walking over to the harbor with a homemade rod in his hand, when...uh.]

...Has that line worked for you before?

[Do fish even have ears? Not a question he ever considered asking before, but here he is, wondering.]

[wooden_one]

Of course it does.

[And since he's repeated it thrice, he pulls the whip out of the water and, sure enough, there are fish hanging onto each leaf. They're kind of bubbling at the mouth.

See? It worked! Even if they were all mutants and some were even colourless.]

[holycurse]

[...Oh, it does. That's pretty cool, actually! Xie Lian looks noticeably impressed, bending closer to stare curiously at those fish.]

How does that work? I've never seen fish hook themselves for the fisherman before--or bubble like this, come to think of it. More often my fish tend to break the line, or get eaten by larger fish, or simply take the food and miraculously escape the hook....

[Okay so maybe part of that's just his own bad luck, but still?]

[wooden_one]

Isn't it only common sense to ask?

[He says that with such a straight face. She honestly believes this applies to fishing. So maybe, Xie Lian should try it himself?

Also...]

They always look like this when I catch them.

[Possibly because they want to die. He stares at the string of fish for a moment before holding it out to Xie Lian.]

Which one of these are edible?

[They're all mutants, how could anyone tell??? Well, besides, 'the ones that have colour'.]

[holycurse]

I'd never considered it before, honestly...maybe I should try?

[Glancing out at the water--but we've already got fish to focus on here.]

Let's see, ah...these ones look fine, [pointing at the colored ones,] though I don't believe I've ever seen them bubble like that before. Are you sure you didn't do anything to them?

[wooden_one]

You should.

[He considers the fish. He didn't think he'd be lucky enough to have all the coloured ones he hooked to be edible!]

What could I have done to them?

ii.

[alittlespicy]

[ Wangji blinks. Then points in silence. This, this, this. And this. He hesitates a bit at the last one, raising his eyes to meet the other cultivator's. ]

Can cook this one for you.

[ That is, make it into squirrel fish. ]

[wooden_one]

[He makes a note of which ones he pointed out. He'll have to release the rest though...he's not sure he'd need so many. Best to pick the fattest one.

At the offer though...

He's tempted but at the same time.]

I can cook for myself.

[He's not incapable.]

[alittlespicy]

Mn.

[ Wangji did not say he could not. ]

It is good for something in particular. Typical to where I come from.

[wooden_one]

What dish is it?

[alittlespicy]

Squirrel fish.

[ Listen. He thinks he can get it done better than most other people here. ]

[wooden_one]

[Well, now.

He clears his throat.]

It just so happens that that is also the dish I wish to prepare. Someone at the Discussion Conference wanted to try it, you see.

[Now...the hardest part. How to ask to see how it should be made without actually asking. After all, he only knows it in theory and the theoretical and the practical aren't always the same. Especially in a situation where he has limited ingredient choices.]

Perhaps we should cook together.

III

[good_ideas]

[Unfortunately for him, Shiho gets there just in time to watch the fish burn to cinders.]



.....Hasn't anyone ever told you not to waste food?

[wooden_one]

It's not going to be wasted.

[It's surprising how calm he is when he says it.]

I'll make sure to eat all of it.

1/2

[good_ideas]

Oh. I see! You're going to eat it, huh?

[She's all smiley as she walks closer, peering at the scattering of ashes that was once a fish.


Then she takes a deep breath and blows that handful of cinders away.]

[good_ideas]

There's "not wasting something" and then there's "eating things you're not supposed to eat because it'll give you a stomach ache"! And that-

[Pointing at the ashes slowly swirling away into the wind]

Falls firmly into the second category.

[wooden_one]

[First she lectures him when he's in a five year old body about eating too many sweets, now this?

It was too late and too difficult to create a barrier to protect the ashes from flying away, alas.]

I would have been fine.

[good_ideas]

Yeah, after your body finished digesting it. [So she is unconvinced.]

[wooden_one]

That's still fine.

hidden fourth option; 5 million years late

[neronian]

[ He did promise to make a fish dish for Nero, and she remembers her food. Food promises, at least. So it should not be a surprise that the rose emperor herself shows up after all of Chu Wanning's efforts, hands on her hips, striding eagerly up to him. ]

Hmhm, what have we here?

[ Did he succeed!? ]

[wooden_one]

[Fortunately, Lan Wangji and Shiho both found him and gave him advice or a chance to observe so the fish he's produced now is...well. Still a little over-done, colour a bit darker than golden but it's not black!

His hair is pulled up into a high ponytail to keep it out of his way and there's flour on his fingers. Still, he looks awfully pleased with himself, though it's not very overt.]

Squirrel fish.

[Then he pours the sweet and sour sauce (that also tasted a little burnt) onto the fish.]

It's done.

[neronian]

Indeed it is! And just for me?

[ UMU! Nero beams, eyes alight with obvious interest. He made her the squirrel fish dish, as he said! A man of his word. And though she notices that the color is a bit darker than the golden he had described, it's probably fine. Edible, even!? ]

I would have you join in for a bite yourself! 'Tis better for you to share in the fruits of your own labors as well!

[ She nods, affirming herself. ]

[wooden_one]

...if you want.

[It was a dish meant to be shared, after all. Ah. But something occurs to him all of a sudden...]

I forgot to make rice.

[neronian]

Is it a necessity? I had thought a dish like this could stand by itself...

[ But she won't say no to rice either, and she doesn't even need to eat! ]

[wooden_one]

...I suppose it'd be fine.

[Also he can't just...magic up some rice at this point.]