awashlogs | Open: July things

[ Wangji stops talking, too, eyes turning to Wei Ying's face. He sees the forced smile, but he doesn't know where to start to ask. Instead, he squeezes the hand in his, a little. ]

The person already returned the feelings. But yes, forcing the hen was... wrong.

Only one source of information. How reliable?

What is it that we can do that whoever can bring us here and bring people back from death lacks the power to do?

[ Are we being led towards salvation or destruction? Wangji is not sure Wei Ying can take it if it is the latter. ]

Perhaps if we do find the hen, there will be different answers.

[ Not necessarily better. But different. ]

[ He listens to all of this gravely. And then he starts walking again, towards the church. ]

I think it's probably best to assume all sources of information here are suspect. Mister F, if indeed he exists, has the ability to communicate with us, through quests and stories. Why can't he simply speak plainly to us, and tell us precisely what's been going on? Is he hiding something from us? Almost certainly. Is he doing something malevolent? That's definitely possible, and always something to suspect, when a person is hiding something. Or, is he prevented by this curse from telling us everything, and relies upon us to uncover the truth?

[ He has a lot of ideas about all of this, and now he's chattering away. ]

It's a good question, what can we do, that someone so powerful can't? Perhaps it isn't about power. Some of us have prodigious powers, others have none. A better question might be, what can many people do, that a single person can't? The obvious answer is what we've been told all along. Form bonds. Make friends. Make enemies.

[ A beat. He'd been glancing at Lan Wangji this whole time, but now he looks away, into the middle distance.

Softly: ]

Fall in love.

[ He turns his eyes away, but he doesn't let go of his hand. Wangji wants to ask, wants to ask so much what that means. Has he forgiven him? Is that permission? Is that saying that he may have fallen in love, too?

Heart beating far too fast, Wangji tries to keep that thought (that hope) at bay. ]

Mn.

[ His fingers tighten, as gently as he can make them, around the hand holding his. ]

You have... hope. [ It is not a question. Just a very soft, very admiring comment. ] That we can make it right.

[ It is more than enough to break a heart, this. That Wei Ying, the one who has seen so many bad endings. So many moments of despair. He can still hope. He can still...

He can still try to bring hope to him.

Wangji takes a long breath which doesn't shake only because it's silent. It still rattles in his own chest, nearly chokes him. Wangji never knew what hope was, before Wei Ying. Nor when Wei Ying was gone. And now, once again. Here they are. ]

Better than be paralyzed for fear of choosing wrong.

[ It is not only Wei Ying who needs someone walking by his side. ]

[ You have hope that we can make it right.

His eyes come back to Lan Zhan once more, drawn to the man's face irresistibly. He realizes, after a skipped heartbeat or several that Lan Zhan is talking about the town. Putting that right.

He looks down, smiling to himself. ]

Fear... it's a funny thing. You can think you're afraid of nothing and then...

[ He stops walking. ]

We're here.

[ The restored church is before them. He stares at the doors for a long moment; then lets go of Lan Zhan's hand and springs up the steps and throws open the door. The last time he went into the church, Pyra was inside, working on it. Under the influence of the trees, she'd almost killed him. She'd tried to rip his heart out.

In a sense, he might have preferred that, to what actually happened between them.

This time, however, the church is empty. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, before turning to Lan Zhan and saying: ]

Well, come on! What are you waiting for?

[ ... he means both, really. A little more about the town, but enough about them that he doesn't dare ask. Not yet. Not when mentioning it shows that Wei Ying is raw and torn about it. Prying at it now will only hurt. And he doesn't, he doesn't want Wei Ying to think of him and only know pain.

And he can see the pain change, from raw and tender to pulling him apart. Something else, something that Wangji doesn't know.

Which is why when Wei Ying turns, Wangji is not watching him up from the foot of the stairs. No, he has walked up to stand behind him. His heart is hammering in his chest, he can't take breath fully, but he grasps for the calm that he's spent most of his life building. The strength of self discipline. So he can simply be there, fluttering sleeve brushing the bare back of Wei Ying's arm. ]

Mn.

[ And he steps over the threshold with Wei Ying.

... then he has to pause and actually look around, and up, because he has not been much inside the church, not since he was bringing lumber for the pews.

... and he can feel the coil of malevolence that ... the person using Maiden Pyra's forum color spoke of. His brows draw in into a frown. ]

[ The feel of soft silk fluttering against his arm, gentle like a butterfly's kisses, it's simultaneously reassuring and enticing. He swallows hard and steps over the threshhold together with the man.

Pyra, in her diary, had mentioned already beginning to develop feelings for another. She'd moved on, quickly. Or perhaps she had such feelings all along, for someone else, even as she declared her love. Maybe Lan Zhan is doing... has done the same. All the little tricks the town uses to force people to open up their hearts and form bond with one another, can he really assume that this man beside him is immune to all of that?

He glances up, and takes in Lan Zhan's frown. ]

You can feel it too.

[ It isn't a question. ]

[ If his feelings had only developed and manifested in Chroma, Wangji would have considered it. But he has spent seven long years systematically trying to suppress them, to destroy them, to change them, only for them to spring back, bright and beautiful and overwhelming, and searing when the Yiling Patriarch wanted nothing to do with him, but always there, always. Until he no longer could fight them - not because he was too week to keep fighting, but because he saw, he knew, the reasons he had been fighting because of were only his own mistakes and misconceptions.

There is no moving on for him. Rejected or alone, he knows where he stands. And...

Recently, it has been the best he has known. He thinks he hasn't done poorly at being a friend. Because Wei Ying deserves the best, after all. ]

Mn. Let us go.

[ Tarrying close to this... He doubts it will be a good idea, for either of them. ]

[ The book's malevolence hangs heavy in the space, infusing it like the smell of something long-dead and rotten. It is... starting to affect his thinking, or maybe he can't blame it on that. He's been feeling fearful, that Lan Zhan's affections might be straying elsewhere, that he just wants to be friends now. But does he even want that? He himself hasn't been a good friend to the man, endlessly teasing and provoking him. Maybe after being here for a while, and making real friends, Lan Zhan won't even want this flawed friendship anymore. He was never able to hold onto anything or anyone in his first life; why should this one be any different?

He nods in response to Lan Zhan's admonition, then crosses the nave, and strides up to the altar. The book is sitting there. He reaches for it and flips open the cover. It is, as advertised, blank. ]

Have you got any spells for revealing hidden messages or text?

[ Wangji, on the other hand, is serene. He knows what his feelings are; he knows, also, that he is not allowed to ask what he wishes, because nobody can rule a heart. And what he has asked... Wei Ying has given.

As to the question, he takes out talisman he has prepared and holds it to Wei Ying for review - not because Wangji is uncertain in his work, but because the level of malevolence are not something he's tried to deal with anything short of... destructive force. ]

Will it need to be stronger?

[ He takes the talisman from Lan Zhan's fingers, accidentally but not accidentally brushing his fingers against them, and holds it up for review. He sneaks a glance at Lan Zhan's face. He seems so composed. He always seems composed. Is it a mask or not? That is, he knows, why he's spent so much time teasing the man: to get at what's underneath.

But... maybe there isn't anything underneath, not anymore. Maybe despite his declarations, the man's feelings were just some terrible combination of infatuation and loss. Such intense sentiment would be easy to mistake for love, right? His lips part; his eyes go unfocussed and the talisman's neat symbols swim before his eyes.

Chewing on his bottom lip, he steals one more glance, searching for something, anything in the man's pale eyes. Then he forces a smile. ]

For something like this, what's needed is finesse. Otherwise we'll destroy the book.

[ He hands the talisman back to its maker to activate, and turns away, arms folded, as if he were merely pacing thoughtfully. ]

[ Wangji is focused on trying to see if he can sort something out with the malevolence from the book, then Wei Ying's fingers brush his and those pale eyes do turn to him once more, softening once more. Something about the way he is watching him... Yes, the effect of what they are looking at is dire, but there seems to be something more. ]

Mn. [ His turn to seek out the briefest instant of contact, before Wei Ying's turning away. So he steps a little closer to the other man around the table, his fingers placing the talisman on the book with the faintest trickle of spiritual energy. Finesse, he can do.

...

...

... ]

Nothing.

Well, it was worth a try. But I thought something like this might be too easy.

[ He flips through the pages one more time, but no text appears. And then he reaches into his qiankun sack, and draws out the page he'd been gifted. It lists his name, general information about his first life, as well as various other pieces of information about him such as his height and weight. There's another section with likes and dislikes.

He unrolls the page and sets it into the book. The ragged end of the page joins itself into the book's binding, as if it was always there. He glances at it again, smoothing it with his hand, and his eyes fall on the likes and dislikes. The first time he looked at that part, dislikes included whimsical things like "food at the Cloud Recesses," and likes were "hot peppers, sleeping late, and chasing chickens," for instance. But now as he looks down, the "likes" column now lists "Lan Zhan" as the very first entry.

Feeling suddenly shy, he shuts the book at once. ]

Ahhh.... hahaha!

[ He rubs his nose. ]

Don't...don't think about adding your page too; if there are any ill effects from this, one of us should stay safe!

... Wei Ying?

[ The suddenness of the motion, especially as they have been examining the book, startles him, and he look back at the other man, the near pained expression from a moment ago morphed into something else. ]

Did something change? Did the page become blank, as well?

[ He hasn't been trying to pry into the content of the page, though even he has been curious. But the reaction is a little worrying. Both because the attempt worked, the book's aura dangerous enough, and because of the defensiveness of Wei Ying. ]

Are you - feeling all right?

[ He wants to kick himself, because as soon as those words are out of his mouth—that only one of them should put their page in—he realizes that he'd just missed a chance at peeking at Lan Zhan's page as well, and seeing if his name is at the top of the man's "likes" column, too. ]

Well...

[ ....but what if it isn't? Somehow it's less scary not to know, than to find out for sure. He swallows hard. ]

No, it didn't. It still shows all the text. I feel fine...

[ He pauses for a moment and his brows furrow. Then he uses his hands to touch his own chest and waist and head. ]

Actually, I feel great!

[ Wangji watches him, eyes a little wide. Then he reaches a hand towards him. ]

Pulse?

[ And, to follow that. ]

Did it affect your cultivation?

[ Wei Ying seems surprised, which he rarely feigns, so Wangji is not exactly questioning the claim of feeling better. But why would that be effect of adding to a malevolent object? Are the pages themselves malevolent, so getting rid of them would improve one's state? He hasn't sensed that from his own, but perhaps the effect is too slight? ]

[ He lets his wrist be taken; a frisson of pleasure shoots through him at Lan Zhan's touch. He can't help looking up from beneath his lashes at the man. ]

My cultivation? Well, let's see!

[ While Lan Zhan is taking his pulse, he reaches with his other hand, to trap the man's wrist. From his fingers, the warm, golden light of pure, celestial spiritual energy flows out, towards Lan Zhan.

His cultivation isn't high by any means, but it's better than it was when he arrived here. Most of that is due to his own efforts, however. ]

[ Wangji's eyebrows rise...

... then as the warmth of (familiar) spiritual energy spreads through him, from his wrist down to the tips of his fingers and up his arm, he.

Smiles, just a little bit. Tiniest bit. ]

Stronger than when I arrived.

[ And his eyes do not turn to the book, instead staying on Wei Ying's. You have been working hard. I am glad.

And yes, he does remember when Wei Ying was transferring energy because he collapsed. This is different, but it is already brighter. ]

[ That smile: it makes him feel like he's the one receiving spiritual energy, rather than giving it. It makes his scalp tingle. ]

Lan Zhan—!

[ In throes of delight, he switches his grip, so he's holding each of Lan Zhan's hands in his own, forming a circle between them. ]

Right, right. But I don't have that much, you must give me some back!

... mn.

[ Ah. This is better. Wangji shifts his hands enough so they are holding Wei Ying's back - he's not just following along, he is agreeing to this - and his energy flows in turn towards Wei Ying, without hesitation or doubt. Trying, a little, to dispel the heaviness brought by the book. By the concern about this place. By not knowing what future there will be.

He doesn't know how and how much he will be able to. But when he can, in whatever way he can, he will be there.

He doesn't keep going much longer than Wei Ying's own. He's not trying to show off, nor, certainly, to suggest right now Wei Ying needs it. But he holds on, anyway, after it. ]

Better?

[ Having the spiritual energy he'd just pushed into Lan Zhan be returned to himself, it forces a certain degree of qi circulation, that puts pressure on his meridians, forcing them to open wider, improving his cultivation just a little. For some reason, right now, it's an indescribable feeling. He's tempted to return that energy back once again to Lan Zhan's body. With their hands forming a loop, he could do this, and then Lan Zhan would naturally, unconsciously send it back...

Shared qi circulation, also called mutual cultivation. It's an extremely efficient way to improve one's cultivation...

But that would be more than flirting. He couldn't call it teasing or playing around. Already, he's dancing on a knife-edge. ]

Yes. Much better!

[ He lets go of Lan Zhan's hands, letting his own arms drop. ]

Mn. [ Good. ] Should do again, if you need.

[ This! Is not the! Full on dual cultivation! And it's not like Wangji is doing it blindly - he wants to help Wei Ying. But a little it is good as a start... and even at his most open, the man (boy, then) has never been exactly letting people close when he cultivated, or how. He was bright, brilliant, one of the very, very best - and even his shidi was known to complain how he never seemed to work for it.

So he tilts his head towards the book, without looking away from Wei Ying's face. ]

Do you wish to do something else here? I can take out my own page if you wish to try more slowly.

Or we can take the book outside.

[ Does he want to do something else here? Something else like... gathering Lan Zhan into his arms and kissing him, pulling apart the layers of robes covering his body, passing and receiving spiritual energy through every inch of exposed... ]

[ He blinks and shakes his head, rousing himself from his daydream. ]

No. Don't put your page in too, let's wait for now.

[ He looks up, drinking the beauty of Lan Zhan's white jade features for a long moment, before tearing his eyes away. ]

As for what to do with the book, you can take outside if you want to, or leave it here.

[ He'd been shy about what his own page said, but now that he thinks about it—why? Does he not want Lan Zhan to know he's liked? "Like" can mean anything. ]

Mn...

[ Wangji nods--

-- then his eyes snap right back to Wei Ying's face. ]

I? You will not... continue with me?

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