awashlogs | Event Twenty-One

[ It does allow him to reflect on his past and present actions, doesn't it? The protagonist halo keeps him from killing Luo Binghe, but it doesn't keep him from killing anyone else. Everyone but the protagonist is expendable. The same is true in this world, too.

Ah. He's bitter. This is absolute bitterness. It certainly is an odd feeling to have. Has he ever felt this way? He blinks, and tries to remember a time when he was and can't recall. He supposes that just means he has been way too complacent with his lot in life. ]

Which is it, huh. [ Shen Qingqiu glances at the hand on his leg but decides to leave that where it is. Whatever. ] The former. Why not? The latter hasn't been producing the results I want, anyway.

[ The comment about reflection on the past and present had been the System's words, within his heart, speaking to her. But didn't he say back then that he was this supposed system? She's not quite sure what it means, other than some sort of mental shackle he places on himself. ]

So what will you do? [ She tilts her head to one side. ] Rebel? [ Then the other. It's a rhetorical question, however: ]

Your tantrums won't win you any more points [ From her understanding. ] It baffles the mind, if you think you can fight.

[ She pats his leg lightly. Pat, pat; it'll be okay, everything will be okay, just give up, it will be okay once you do. ]

You... are trapped. Best to take it lying down. [ Get fucked, she's saying. ]

I don't care about winning points.

[ Who cares about that, anyway?! It's never worked out to attempt to earn that sort of thing, anyway! It never did anything! His teeth set on edge as he feels his upset rising. He turns his hand over to see that it's trembling slightly. When was the last time that he actually was mad about something? ]

I plan to take others down with me. [ If he's supposed to be a villain that can't do anything against the protagonist's halo, he might as well make himself a villain worth taking down, ah? ]

If the future is just the script changed slightly, it should be one of my own making, right? Sitting around, lying down... it'll end the same. Standing up and fighting... will end the same. So why not just bring everyone down to the same level as myself?

Why not just have them feel the same trapped feeling? [ He leans over to look at her smiling face. ] Something I wonder if you fully-- [ His hand reaches out before he halts. ]

[ Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second!!

He had almost reached out to grab onto the crystal on her chest. His hand pulls back like it's burned. The bond that he has with Pyra is one that's important to him; it's a friendship that he treasures. To do something that would violate that sort of trust is enough to return some of his emotions back to him.

Dulled as they are, he at least realizes that he's almost did something that he'd regret. ]

[ His fingers lightly gloss over his forehead. ]

Lying down isn't an option.

[ He carefully repeats, but is trembling for another reason. What was that?! What was that!! ]

[ It's only in that moment when he's reaching out his hand towards the crystal that she pauses, that the smile itself strains, that she look becomes severe despite her smile. This Pyra likes to believe that she knows him well enough, knows him enough that he wouldn't dare, and consumed by her own lack of empathy for others, she isn't aware that he is behaving oddly at all. She wouldn't be worried enough that he would actually touch it, but that he almost reaches for it shatters that expectation.

She takes it as a threat.

Without warning, her hand flies from his leg to the wrist of the limb that had dared to reach out towards her, taking it and slamming it hard against the pew he just constructed. Splinters break off from the impact. ] ....Tempted?

[ The gentleness in her eyes is gone, or perhaps it was never there to begin with, but whatever the case is something has changed. A hidden edge has been revealed, accompanying the carving knife she had been sharpening up until this point.

Its point is at his chest, slowly climbing upwards, trailing along his clothes until it comes to his neck. And then she slams it just to the side of his head. ] Scared?

[ The word is spoken with a short, tired breath. No, no, as if he would be scared of something like this; she knows better. The tightness in his jaw from before, the tremble in his hands, it's probably from something else. Still, those are the signs she's looking for. ]

[ Leaving the handle of the knife embedded into the pew behind him, her fingers come back to snatch his jaw upward towards her. As always, her touch is warm, soothing with the energy it emits despite the vice of her grip. ]

Not lying down... [ For balance as she holds him, she brings her knee up to the seat of the pew along the side of his leg, the intent to make it seem like she's pinning him. ] Within your heart you mentioned being villainous. But you aren't even good at that-- your heart is too big. [ Her tone, her gaze pities him, as if she truly feels sorry for him. Even her touch upon his jaw slackens, and she simply... pats it, as if she is trying to reassure him. ] Too weak.

It bleeds, Shen Qingqiu, red like the sun setting over the sea. [ He definitely had the opportunity to touch that crystal of hers, but something stopped him; that's really all the reassurance she needs to be quite sure he won't try something again on his own. And so her grip slackens upon his wrist as well. She's cupping his face now, looming partly over him, a mix of curiosity and fascination in her eyes now, something he might have seen in them before, but also that same pity from before, that softness seemingly regained. ] How awful, that you must suffer so. There is no winning.

Then to say you will bring everyone else down...? [ This human. This wreck of a human man who has basically told her he'd let his disciple torture him, thinks that he can do that. She wants to laugh. ] I would like to see you try.

[ Well, he had not expected his wrist to suddenly be grabbed. He can only control his expression to keep it calm before both hand and wrist slam hard into the pew. Biting the inside of his cheek, he tastes his own blood but beyond the slight flinch, he keeps his expression stoic. Swallowing the mouthful of blood, he circulates energy into the self-made wound in his mouth to close the injury. ]

I was tempted for a second. [ Shen Qingqiu sees no reason why he should hide the fact that he was. Her upset is understandable, too. Why shouldn't she be mad that he attempted to take away her free-will and bind her to his shitty situation? ]

Angry. [ He corrects her. ] Angry enough to try to drag someone down with me, but --

[ He cuts himself off -- or rather, he is cut off -- when she takes hold of his face. Shen Qingqiu has the thought of how he could fill his hand with spiritual energy and slam it into Pyra's chest, but he inwardly flinches at the idea.

It's an unfortunate thing that he still has such a poor opinion of himself that he sees her actions as being righteous given what he knows. His eyebrows lift at the idea tha the's not very good at being villainous. It just wouldn't end well for me. Striking a heroine ends with the person being hit harder in retaliation. Anyone knows that. ]

Certainly, Pyra has some interesting ideas about this humble person. [ He flexes his fingers -- of the hand that was slammed into the pew. They still feel a little numb and he's certain he'll have to spend time healing whatever's been done, but he places all that on the backburner. ]

Is it awful that I must suffer? All the suffering that happens is my own doing, so it's only karma coming back around. [ More of his emotions return to him, because he feels like he's wronged the person before him. In the end, it is as she says even as he denies it -- his heart is too big and too soft, especially when his thoughts start on the roll that he's the one in the wrong. ]

It actually would be rather easy. But to bring everyone down... they'd all just get back up again and I'd rather not worry about it. [ Shen Qingqiu voices an earlier thought to her with a half-smile. ] But I suppose if I really wanted to try that it'd be something...

But I'd have to give up a few things I deem important. To wish to destroy everyone... I have to give up something that I love. I'm afraid I can't play the Monkey's Paw with you for that one.

[ His reaction confuses her, for not a moment ago it had seemed as if he was ready to fight back against the world, exasperated and frustrated with the fate he's been dealt, and vowing to bring others down with him. He had been ready to stop sitting or lying down, ready to bring others down with him. And now...

Now it seems as if he's given up again.

It's confusing. It doesn't make sense. Is she missing something here, is something wrong? There's a greater force at work here, but as absorbed as Pyra is without her empathy, she cannot see the bigger picture. Still, wanting to see him give up is what this Pyra wants him to do, to be so completely defeated that he is less than the dirt beneath her feet. He's already not fighting back against her, not doing anything to retaliate, so perhaps she's half-way there. But that wouldn't be fun. Perhaps she just hasn't pushed him enough in the right direction. ] A Peak Lord, sitting defeated and broken... Aa, that is your destiny. I think that... [ An amused light dances in her eyes, as if she's imagining something. ] Anyone could do anything they wished to you right now, and you'd simply let them.

[ Pyra releases his jaw, her touch becoming gentle as it goes it his cheek instead. Condescending, pitying, patronizing... and yet still warm and gentle, as if she is accepting of these qualities he has, as if she never expected anything more. ]

So tell me... what is it that you love. [ She asks him calmly. ] What is it that stops you from making that wish?

This old man isn't that easygoing.

[ So he says. He's certain that there are things that he wouldn't allow to happen to himself. ]

What is it that I love? [ Shen Qingqiu muses over that answer, carefully. The touch on his face -- the look that she's giving him -- he really is surprised at how angry that she is. But, to be honest, shouldn't she be? Telling him something on confidence, only at a low point to have him try to use it against her, that's more than enough reason to get a little mad. ]

What is it that stops me? Isn't it just common sense? Even if the world is against me, why do I have to take it out on the world? There are innocent people that don't need to deal with any of it. There are innocent people here that haven't done me any harm. So ... it's just common sense that stops me from wishing.

Do you actually care? What happens to those innocents, what happens to you?

[ He seems so pitiful sitting here, as if he's been rendered immobile by his own mind. He's done this to himself, he's given up already, or so it seems to Pyra. And then him questioning what is it that he loves-- she knows that he feels that sort of affection for his disciples, for his sect brothers and sisters, or so he's mentioned before. He's even said that she is among those he loves! Now he says the word so distantly as if it is alien. ]

"I love you," and "it will be"...

Hollow, meaningless words. You've given up long ago, haven't you? [ Her brow knits with pity, her fingers slide along his cheek, brushing his hair back, touch delicate as if she's comforting a wounded animal instead. ] Ahh, it must be torture, knowing that you are trapped, that there is no escape, that someone had you claim to have loved will tear you limb for limb.

But if you're going to simply let that happen to you, why wait? I can do the same to you, here and now.

[ Well, that kind of hurts. He didn't think that his words sounded so hollow to people. Did he come off like he lacked all conviction? Maybe. He made a big show that he was going to do something, but then backs down when he thinks of the cost of it.

No shit!! If I went hog-wild, I'd end up causing more harm than good! But at the same time, I guess it sounds like I don't care about anything. The area around his eye twitches but he, at least, keeps himself looking up at her rather than drop his gaze away.

She's really pissed about the crystal, ah? Well... it was a violation of the trust she has in me, right? Saying I'm sorry just isn't going to cut it. It's right. Everything sounds like hollow, meaningless words when I say one thing and then do the worst thing possible...

Still, he feels like he has to say something. ]

I care about what happens to those innocents. I definitely am not the kind of person that wants to be torn apart. [ He really doesn't want that sort of ending for him. ] The only thing I've given up on... is allowing other people to suffer so that I can get away safely.

[ But he probably doesn't sound very convincing. ] You don't believe in me anymore, I suppose. [ A cold feeling eats away at his chest. ] That's... [ He wants to say that "that's fair," but he can't finish saying it. So he grimaces for a second and controls his expression.

Showing upset at something that he did, that'd be kind of stupid, wouldn't it? ]

It’s alright... [ She finishes his sentence for him, voice belittling and soothing both at once. ] You’re but a man. You cannot do anything on your own, helpless.

It’s... so very sad... that you have no-one. [ Pyra— the real Pyra— would have assured him then that that’s why he may have others upon which to rely upon, friends and loved ones alike, for no one is truly alone. And together, that is what makes another strong.

But this version of her says no such thing. Looking at him, noting that twitch beneath his eye, seeing how all he does it sit there... Briefly, she questions if this is really the Shen Qingqiu she knows. But as soon as that thought occurs to her, it’s gone.

She thinks she’s won. ] It’s also so very human of you. Masking yourself with lies that you tell others and yourself.

[ She seems disappointed in a way. If this is truly a victory, what did she win? Her expectation that yet another human is could not rise above their potential. But if she’s disappointed, why? She must have believed more of him before... but, again, why?

It’s like a part of her is searching desperately for a reason to stop doing this to him, one that knows something is wrong. But she doesn’t stop. ]

If that’s the only thing you’ve given up on, then why don’t you fight? You cannot protect others... [ Here she reaches for his wrist again, and in her warm hold she begins to apply pressure. Is an immortal body more difficult to harm than most? She’ll begin to find out. ] ...If you are broken.

[ Have no one?

He snaps out of his feeling sorry for himself as he fixates on those words. If anything, he remembers the time that they shared under the stars and how they spoke of a brighter future. Not only that but wanting to find more colors with other people. Shen Qingqiu thinks of that, and lifts his head up, really looking at her.

I really am a fucking idiot. His eyes close as he muses over how stupid that he is for not realizing that there is something wrong with Pyra sooner. Exactly how is she going to feel when everything is over? She'll end up hating herself if he doesn't do something about this right now! Hopefully, it won't be that far! I know she-- I hope she doesn't mean--no! It will be, right?

Renewed with energy, he can never fight when it comes to himself. He kind of feels like karma builds up against him and ends with him on the losing side. He doesn't like the idea of sacrificing others for his own happy ending, either! Who the fuck agrees to that?! But he certainly isn't going to make Pyra end up regretting anything because of a little emotional malfunction! ]

I'm going to have to pass on that one.

[ He feels the pressure applied to his wrist and builds up energy in his free hand. Right. Sorry! But he does know that she won't be badly hurt -- at least, right?! Slamming his hand into her chest, he sends out a burst of spiritual energy to shove her violently off of him. Might have been able to do that with a simple shove, but given how durable you are, I had to make sure ya'll move! ]

[ The light of the energy of his attack cracks against the crystal upon her chest. It sends an impulse of energy throughout the church, shaking the windows and moving the pews to the side, her hair tossing about slowly yet wildly for that one second--

And then she's slammed off and away from him, falling onto her back and knocking her head against the floor. He is correct in his assumption that she will be fine, but the attack had come so unexpected to her that her mind is more reeling from the shock that he dared than the pain itself. It seems that her prediction, her assumption that he had given up... was wrong.

Why was it wrong? What did she get wrong here? She thought he was done, she thought she had heard it in his tone, see it in his eyes, that defeated look.

Pyra carefully lifts her head, propping herself up upon elbows as she looks at him still sitting upon the pew, eyes narrowed. Her chest is singed, the tight fabric of her shirt frayed, open, from the impact, exposing the damage beneath... and revealing that the crystal that could so easily pose as simply decoration upon her outfit is actually part of her skin. Skin that seems burned, but beneath the top most layer glows with an internal, viscous energy. ] ...You.

[ Although there's a threatening tension in the single word, she suddenly seems... confused. ]

[ Shen Qingqiu thinks he's lucky that he was sitting down when he struck her; it means that he skids along with the pews rather than get thrown anywhere. His head lifts up as he hears the windows shaking from the energy that was released, but they thankfully don't break.

Right. He's up on his feet. Fucking shit. Guilt eats up at him as he sees the damage that he has done. Sure, she's up and already snarling at him, but it doesn't change the fact that he's looking at her injured.

And also partially exposed chest. Hello! Shaking his head, he dismisses that part. That crystal... it really is part of her, huh? To think that he would have just grabbed it like it was nothing. You're really full of surprises. ]

That's right. [ The air feels heavy in that single word, but he lifts his chin as he meets her stare. It's not an easy thing to do, but he somehow accomplishes it. ]

I'm not going to let you do something that you'll end up regretting. Didn't we say that we'd look after one another? [ Keeping his tone calm, he wonders if he's going to have to hit her again. Ugh, I hope to fuck not. ]

We said that, didn't we?

[ After all that time of him just sitting upon that pew, now he fights back? She looks at him in disbelief at first, but then he insists that this is him looking out for her.

Like this promise.

Her lips part as if the words mean something to her, or rather, should. ] We... We did.

[ He's getting to her, whatever he's doing now. ] But what does that matter now? [ She demands, rising to her feet. ] Do you think you're really capable of helping anyone?

We did.

[ He repeats those words back with more conviction. Shen Qingqiu isn't certain if he's happy that she got up or not; he decides that he's happy about it as that means that she isn't too badly hurt. But she still isn't sounding like herself. ]

It matters because it's something we've promised each other almost three times now, isn't it? Important things need to be repeated. So this is the fourth time that I'm saying I'll do something for you. [ Simple as that! Honestly, if it is for someone else, he can do just about anything. If it is for himself, he tends to lose his fighting spirit. ]

I can't say. You would not give up no matter what. You kept trying no matter how hard it got. So, I'll be as you are... and save you. [ From yourself. ]

I... don't...

[ Well, it looks like he's getting through to her! She hesitates again. ]

I'm not the one who needs saving.

It's... you. All of you. The humans, the world.

You all-- need saving from me. [ Although she says this, it's not spoken at all like a threat but instead as if she is recalling something as washes of emotion begin to return to her. ] You don't want to save me, Shen Qinqiu. You don't.

[ What?

Shen Qingqiu is happy that it seems like he's getting through to her. But he pauses at what she suddenly says. His shoulders drop just a fraction as he wonders why she would ever think that. ]

Saving from you?

[ What sort of nonsense is that? ]

I do need to save you. Don't you know how many times you have saved us? If we don't save you in return... how can we ever thank you for what you've done? [ He breathes in deep as he continues on. ] There are many people who are grateful to help you've given them, to the kindness that you've offered them... to the friendship that they feel for you...

If I don't save you, what would happen to their hearts that love you?

[ And now... she seems distressed. The pride from before, the self-assurance, the way she seemed to enjoy looking down upon him, it's all gone, quickly slipping through her fingers.

It's enough for her to take a step back from him. ]

If you don't save me.... if you-- if you let me be-- if you destroy me-- [ It's not just a matter of saving her from-- this. He doesn't know, he couldn't possibly know that her greatest wish has been to erase her existence, so it must sound as if she's talking nonsense here. ] You'll save everyone else.

Everyone.

[ Certainly, he has no idea what she's talking about. He can only assume that she's taken her actions to the extreme! That she thinks that just because she acted this way that she deserves to be destroyed for it.

Who thinks that way!? This isn't a Bad End! It's just one of those sort of situations! Don't go down that route so easily, okay?! ]

I doubt it! Why are you suddenly talking this way?! What sort of sense does that make! [ He can't keep himself calm. Why are you talking this way? ] The future... that bright future for all of us! That includes you! No one wants to have it without you!

Edited 2019-05-02 02:15 (UTC)

[ ---Ah.

There are those words again. A future, a bright one. One that belongs to the righteous-- no, that they seize the future, that there are those who can look towards the future with hope and see its light, that's what makes them righteous, that's what makes them good, that's what makes the future theirs. ]

[ She looks away as if he's just slapped her across the face.

...How. How is it, that she could forget. Or-- no, she didn't forget. It was there all along, the first time he spoke of the future like that under the stars, and something had stirred within her. It's just that she had ignored it until now. ]

Event Twenty-One

no subject

no subject

1/3

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/3

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

1/3

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)