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[ closed ] break it in so we can break out

WHO: Akechi and Akira
WHERE: Somewhere near the stockyard in Bluo
WHEN: The week following Akechi's recovery
WHAT: An awkward talk about what happened in the woods
WARNINGS: None

[ Akechi has taken to wandering a lot lately. His rational excuse is to explore, to get familiar with the entirety of the place, try to get as ahead of others as he can; if asked, by his roommate or anyone else, that's his crafted answer, always devised to match the Ace Detective's need for finding the truth. A lie, really.

In reality, he's often very lost - in thoughts, if not so much geographically. That hadn't changed much, not since his days in Tokyo, his double agent life, supporting the man he wants to destroy, destroying the people who could support him. It was too late to go back; this place, whatever it's called, the bonds he's made... that is all merely living another lie on borrowed time. He knows this, tells himself as much constantly. And yet... ]

Ridiculous. [ He chastises himself, out loud in hopes to get a better grasp on his musings. It's useless effort, though; before he can stop them, the memories are there again, freely flowing and freely falling, yet another bunch of lies that seemed to have been left behind by that demon shaped like the devil itself. Memories that never happened, a dream of two young boys traversing the Metaverse together, laughing, crying, then getting back on their feet and taking Shadows down as an unstoppable team. Just another lie, so flawlessly seamed into his cognition that he could almost reach out and touch it, experience what he never lived.

It was... unnerving. It made him vulnerable, weak. He hated it.

So he keeps wandering, for lack of a real place of solace. This time, his steps seem to have led him all the way to Bluo, and he seems to recognize some of the architecture - or what was left of it, anyway. Well, this is just as well. At least all the way over here, he shouldn't run across any unwanted company.

As it turns out, Fate is never too kind on him. ]

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[Since he's gotten his emotions back, Akira has felt more or less the same as always.

At least, he'd like to tell himself that, but he can't quite shake the feeling of anxiety after what happened in the woods. He likes to think of himself as a strong person, but the way those mirrors were so easily able to pull him in, the way he couldn't fight his hold over them... it's shaken him more strongly than he first thought.

Whatever he experienced in the Metaverse, it hasn't wholly prepared him for this. He's not sure if this place is a more difficult challenge, necessarily, but it's certainly different. He still has a lot to learn, and not having Morgana to guide him only makes it all the more daunting.

But training, that's something he fan feel secure in. Having a regular schedule (as much as one can be made in a place without visible calendars) has been really good for grounding him. As such, his thoughts are less anxiety filled and more full of parries and when to throw a left hook. He's still pretty absorbed in it as he walks, hoodie unzipped and slipping down his arms despite the chill. Sweat is visible on his shirt front.

He turns a corner into the next street and that's when he sees Akechi, and stops dead in his tracks. He hasn't seen the other boy since he was colorless, but now it seems he's back to normal, and honestly, Akira isn't sure what that means.

He hesitates, then raises a hand.]

Akechi. Hey.

[ Fuck.

That's a face he hasn't seen in a while, and considering the state he was in at the time, Akechi can hardly say he remembers much of their conversation. There wasn't a whole lot of feeling in it - obviously for his part, but Akira had seemed a little off, as well. He hadn't cared to ask then, but could it be that something had happened to him in the forest as well?

Well. If it's too late to turn on his heels and pretend to not have seen him, at least he can take comfort in knowing he won't let this new exchange be one-sided; if Akira pries, he'd better be willing to provide some answers of his own. ]

Ah, Kurusu-kun-- hello! [ Perfectly practiced smile fixed into place, he lifts a hand of his own, offers a small wave in greeting. ] Are you getting sick? It's a little too chilly to be sweating that much, isn't it?

[ Gross. If they absolutely had to do this, couldn't it at least have been after a proper shower? ]

[Ah, there it is - Akechi's fake smile. Akira looks as impassive about it as usual, shrugging as he comes closer. He doesn't seem particularly ashamed about his sweaty appearance.]

I've been training with Keith.

[He has to keep sharp, in this place. On his toes. He was able to get by on intuition and guts alone in the Palaces, thanks to the power of cognition and his Personas, but he knows that alone won't work for him here. This is the "real world," or at least, some perversion of it, and his abilities are limited. Being taught by someone who has been fighting for years is a real help.]

Did you sign up for training from Guren-san? It's been good.

[He knows they're just dancing around the elephant in the room right now, but that's okay. He can wait.]

[ The elephant can grow wings and do cartwheels in the back, for all he cares; Akechi is still going to pointedly ignore it, for as long as he can. Possibly for life, but that might be asking for too much. ]

I have looked into it, but I'm afraid physical confrontations are not my strongest ability. [ A little modesty, though fake like much about him; in truth, he could probably hold his own in a fight, and he's got pretty sturdy legs from rock climbing,too. Good for kicking, really. ] I'm much better suited for exercising the mind, though it is a relief to see you have been keeping in shape.

[ Not that he ever particularly paid attention to his shape or anything, but considering some of the stunts they pull off in the Metaverse, it's not much of a stretch to deduce he's got some physical prowess. ]

[Akira nods, hooking his hands in his pockets and leaning back casually. Settling in for what he clearly intends to be a long conversation.

Akechi can't outrun the elephant forever.]

Back home, I had Ryuji to keep on me about it. If I didn't have Keith training me, I'd probably get soft.

[Plus, Keith is cool, but Akira isn't going to say that to Akechi. Right now they have other things to talk about.]

So what do you do to exercise your mind? I'm curious.

[Brainteasers? Sudoku? Coming up with elaborate murder plots? What's the Ace Detective's secret? He's dying to know!]

[ Ah, of course, the brainless punk, the brawn of their operations-- and even that was less than impressive, honestly. Persona aside, Akechi has to wonder why they even keep Ryuji in the team-- he seems like the type to let plenty of secrets slip. ]

Don't you think this place is one big mystery just waiting to be solved? [ He cocks his hip to one side, just slightly, one hand on his chin. ] To be honest, it's all I can think about... But just making hypotheses isn't taking me much of anywhere these days, so I decided to explore some more and look for new clues. Since you seem to come by the area routinely, have you perhaps noticed any new color that has been restored lately?

[ In other words, his murder plots are currently hyper-focused on that stubborn elephant. He's going to eliminate the threat by all means necessary. ]

[If Akira knew Akechi's thoughts about his best bro, he'd put in a word of defense for him; besides being the heavy hitter in their group, Ryuji knew how to keep their spirits up, or at least Akira's spirits. But he doesn't know these thoughts, and thinking too much about it only makes him ache for his friends back home all the more.

Easier to put it out of mind for now.

And it's very easy to put it out of mind with the current topic at hand, as Akechi extends an opening so perfect, Akira almost thinks he wants the topic brought up.]

Only on you.

[Though he says it casually, it's pointed, and his eyes are sharp behind his glasses. He watches Akechi closely for his reaction, trying to take in any changes of body language, now that the elephant has finally been pointed out.]

[ ... ah. Betrayed by his eagerness to make small talk again, it seems. ]

Are you implying I'm part of the scenery? I like to think I'm a little more lively than livestock.

[ It's said with the usual smile, and even a wink for added playfulness. Because even if this hadn't been planned, Akechi's mask is practically molded to his face by now, and it would take something truly beyond his line of sight in order to skew it out of place. This, he had absolutely seen coming. ]

But, you are not wrong, either. It's true my own color has returned, for close to a week now. It's almost as though it hadn't happened at all.

[ Hah. Almost. ]

Almost.

[His voice doesn't give too much away, but it's clear he doesn't truly believe Akechi. He saw him right after; saw the way all the life was sucked from him, and he was dead inside, maybe even more so than Akira had ever seen him, at the end. For anyone, that kind of emptiness had to have a serious affect, and Akechi is no exception.

He pauses, weighing his words.]

...Guren-san told me a little of what happened.

[At the very least, Guren told him the most important parts. About the demons, and how they were able to take on the appearances of other people. People familiar to the three in the search party.

His appearance.

But he doesn't continue, just watches Akechi's expression, waits for him to respond.]

[ The subtle arch of Akechi's brows denotes some mild surprise, as realization dawns upon him: the training was one thing, but Guren was also... Akira's roommate, wasn't he?

Ah, of course he was. And of course they had talked about it, since Guren had witnessed it all, a demon taking the shape of his roommate, offering an irresistible deal, Akechi's following downfall... And so, whatever hope he had of keeping the more compromising details has probably just been crushed, if his suspicions are confirmed. ]

I was... hoping to avoid this. [ It's quiet, and keeping it vague would probably have made it more honest, but then some elaboration follows: ] I did not wish for anyone else to be worried about me. I have caused enough trouble as it is.

[ It's not true, but it's a valid excuse, he tells himself. Whether Akira buys into it or not, that's not really his concern. ]

Consider me worried.

[Akechi isn't going to be able to dodge his way out of this one, at least not easily. Akira is worried, but he's also curious - why did Akechi see him, and how does he feel about it now?

Perhaps Akechi was always more susceptible to the Phantom Thieves pleas that he join them than he realized. If they had tried harder, earlier... could his fate have been avoided? Could he have avoided ruin one more time?]

But it's not any trouble. I just want to know what happened.

[ That word, again and again. Worried. It's been thrown around like spare change at a beggar, just barely keeping him alive for a day longer, but ultimately powerless in changing his situation. No one can survive on scraps forever, and Akechi finds it hard to believe all this affection and care would still be there, if any of those people knew the real him.

The same goes for Akira-- no, especially for Akira. He would never be so worried, if he knew Akechi will have to take his life. ]

Then I apologize for worrying you. [ Whether it's real concern or not, it's part of his role to pretend to be sorry about it. ] If you really wish to hear more about it, I could tell you but... Are you sure you wouldn't want to get cleaned up first? It's hardly a story worth catching pneumonia for, haha...

[ And it could at least buy him some extra time to figure out how to approach this. ]

[If only Akechi knew...

Akira raises an eyebrow, then glances down at himself. He supposes he is pretty grimy - at the very least, a change of clothes would be nice before they continue this conversation. Not that he has much to change into, but he's sure he has one of those old-timey shirts lying around his room.

He nods, waving a hand at Akechi to follow.]

Okay. My house.

[If Akechi tries to escape, hopefully Guren will catch on and grab him.]

[ Oh, good, he's actually being agreeable about this. Now, if only Akechi can find a way to completely escape this... ]

Very well. I will tell you everything once we've made it there.

[ That said, he takes up the lead and shifts direction, following down the path he had previously walked, back to Rugga-- though he does so at a leisure pace, both so Akira can catch up to him, and because he's not really in a hurry to be divulging much. ]

Ah, but... You said Guren-san has already told you a little about it. What exactly did he tell you?

[ You know, so he can at least figure out what parts of this he absolutely can't lie about. ]

[Akira catches up easily with long strides, then slows to match Akechi's pace. His hands are still shoved in his pockets, moving leisurely.]

He told me that you guys encountered demons in the woods.

[His eyes are ahead, but he is watching Akechi out of the corner of them, attentive to his reaction to the next part.]

Ones that took the shape of people you knew. One that looked like me.

[As for why it looked like him... that's the part Akira wants to find out.

"If only we had met sooner..." Hm.]

[ Ah, of course. Akechi had figured Guren would most certainly have told Akira about this much, at least, so he doesn't show any particular signs of surprise, though he does stiffen a little. He may have foreseen it, but it still doesn't mean he likes to dwell on the memory. ]

Right. [ He starts, still trying to buy himself time, an out, anything to avoid this. What can he divulge about this without revealing too much...? ] They were only shadows at first, intangible, just lurking about. But at one point, we came across an archway, and once we decided to proceed, they... began to take shape.

[ Another pause, and he heaves a sigh. This is quickly slipping onto territory he's not comfortable with. ]

Guren-san had experience with demons, so he swiftly dealt with the first one to attack. Of course, I had barely just met him at the time, but judging by the one facing Mochizuki-kun and by my own experience, I believe these demons made a deliberate choice in the shapes they took.

[ It wasn't just "people they knew," like mere acquaintances of something of the sort; instead, those were the shapes of people who were important to them. ]

[Unfortunately for Akechi, Akira is not letting him buy too much time. Besides, it won't be long before they're at his house.]

A deliberate choice?

[He has a few guesses, based on what Guren told him. But he has to walk a fine line here. He wants to get this information out of Akechi, but how to do so without reveling what he already knows about him? If he lets too much slip, then Akechi will definitely catch on that he knows more than he's saying.]

You mean, because I'm the leader?

[ If Akira won't let him buy time, then Akechi will just take it by force, with quiet humming and long pauses, following his own trail of thought, at his own pace. It's the closest they'll get to compromising. ]

Not necessarily. [ By the time he finally answers, they have probably covered at least another half quarter. ] Like I said, I can't speak for Guren-san and his own adversary, but as for Mochizuki-kun, the demon he faced took on the shape of someone who's also here, a boy named Minato Arisato. I suppose that would make it easier for anyone to buy into their disguise and believe they were real. Believe what they offered was real.

[ Hmm. It looks like it's slightly easier to talk about this, if all he does is bring up parallels and shared patterns between them, and avoids mentioning his actual personal experience altogether. ]

[He stays quiet that entire time, neither pressing Akechi for an answer nor filling up the silence with his own smalltalk. Akira has always been a better listener than talker, and part of listening is patience.

What he eventually says surprises Akira, his brow furrowing. Like Minato, huh? But then, given what he knows about Minato now, that in some way still fits the pattern he was thinking.

After all, if Minato is anything like Akira, he too had to form strong bonds to realize his full potential.

But all of that is for Minato to tell, if he wants to, so Akira doesn't say any of that to Akechi.]

Like Minato? Hmm... Then, he must believe the real Minato has something to offer him.

[But he's not thinking about Mochizuki. He's looking at Akechi, wondering what it is that he thinks Akira has to offer.]

[ It's only from the corner of his eyes, but he does notice Akira looking at him, realizes what he really wants to know. But as much as that quiet attitude might work for him a lot of the time, right now it benefits Akechi the most; as long as he's not directly asked, he doesn't have to give straight answers, either. ]

It's a possibility. [ He concedes, folding his arms; it's almost an unconscious move, like he's trying to cocoon around himself, warding off any vulnerability. ] Although I believe they were close, and having something to offer is an assumption that can be made about friends in general.

[ It might not be something he is personally acquainted with, but this much he can assume with some certainty: like all human relationships, friendship is built on give and take. And that's why he doesn't need it; he already has to give too much, just to obtain a little respect and acknowledgement back. ]

But, I don't think it was as simple as that, either. More than the fact that it was Arisato-kun, the demon knew exactly what to say to win Mochizuki-kun over, perhaps something especially meaningful to him. So much that he barely could turn away from it.

[ Barely. That's more than Akechi can say for himself. ]

[Barely. And that's why Ryoji wasn't colorless, or Guren, when they returned home. But Akechi was, because he accepted what the demon had to offer.

He accepted what Akira offered. Or at least, a version of himself that had all the answers.]

But he was able to turn away from it.

[Akira's eyes are full fixed on Akechi now, not trying to hide it at all now.]

So what did the demon offer you, that you couldn't turn down?

[In another time, and another life, this is where Akira would ask him about "an offer he couldn't refuse." But right now, he doesn't feel so much like teasing. He needs to know.]

[ There isn't much change in his demeanor, save for one: his steps. They're almost too slow, and his mind is almost too fast, running-- from the memory of that day, that encounter, and the memories that never were, running like the two masked boys in a distorted world, young and carefree, not a sin on their back or burden on their shoulders. Running to a true elsewhere, touch the fake and turn it into reality.

If only he could turn back time. If only he could tell him. ]

Mochizuki-kun could only do it after I couldn't. [ Another piece of truth, though focused on the wrong person. ] I recall Guren-san rushing to his side, telling him it wasn't real, but he was convinced that truly was Arisato-kun. It took my failure and my own voice for him to realize what had to be done, though it pained him greatly. And I cannot blame him for it.

[ At this point, he comes to a full halt, tired of running. Maybe there's a part of him that is still without color; a part of him that doesn't care to lie. ]

Between a promise of true happiness and an order to kill your friend, what kind of person would want to go with the latter?

[ And so he doesn't. ]

[Akira stops only a step after Akechi, and tries not to show the way his words wound him, like a knife to his gut - or like a bullet to his head.

He turns slowly, to face Akechi again, take in the expression on his face. Could it be that Akechi feels sorrow? Regret for what he's going to do? Of course Akira knows he felt those things and more by the time they fought in Shido's palace, but if he even feels them now...

Is that what Akechi is trying to tell him? That he didn't want to?

Granted, Akira didn't really see what Akechi looked like in that moment. Was he sad and tired, only doing it because he felt he had to? No, something tells Akira that he looked much as he did on Shido's ship - manic, ready to do anything to achieve his revenge.

But was that the real Akechi? No, he doesn't think so. The real Akechi was the one who gave his life to save them. The real Akechi is the one standing before him, saying no one would want to kill a kill a friend to achieve their goal.]

...Yeah. I don't know anyone who would want to do that.

[But wanting and willing are two different things.]

[ As impassive as he is, there is something in Akira's voice, a long silence and perhaps just the slightest waver, but it's enough to have Akechi turn to look at him. Maybe it's because his own mind is still on overdrive, or because he really has lost his touch with figuring out clues, but there's not really much else in his expression or mannerisms to work with-- nothing but that nagging impression.

Or maybe it was just Akira, a puzzle he could not solve, an unreadable man whose biggest mystery was the influence he had over Akechi. A hypothesis he doesn't want to accept. ]

I suppose that would be my downfall.

[ It was, once, and unbeknownst to him, it would be again, in the future. The one constant weakness in his life. ]

I find it... vexing, really. [ Another bit of truth, and he shifts his glance again, focuses on the dirt under his unmoving feet. ] It wasn't real, it couldn't be. And yet, to call myself a detective when I couldn't even see the signs, when I willingly bought into those lies... No matter how rewarding they were, I can never forgive myself for not seeing the truth.

[ Well. At least he can be somewhat honest while under the guise of being the Ace Detective. ]

[If only Akechi knew how much of a downfall it would be.

Of course he wants to assert that it's not a downfall at all - that believing in people, relying in them, is never bad. But he knows how this ends. He knows what the outcome is supposed to be for them. He can't promise things without meaning them. He needs a plan. He needs certainty.

So he focuses on the here and now. He reaches out, putting a gentle hand on Akechi's shoulder, one he hopes is comforting, and fights to keep any sadness out of his voice. Or hopes what does reach Akechi's ears is only interpreted as pain at the entire situation.]

You're being too hard on yourself. Whatever that demon was, it knew exactly what to say to get to you. And it sounds like Guren-san was more focused on helping Mochizuki than you initially, so you were trying to fight it alone.

[If he had been there, maybe he could have helped, too. Maybe he could have protected Akechi, even just this once. Had his back like he had as they fought through Sae's palace.]

It caught you off guard, this time. [His grip on Akechi's shoulder tightens, and he grins, just a hint of Joker seeping in.] Next time, we'll know how to fight the bastard.

[And Akira wouldn't let him be alone, not if he could help it.]

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