awashlogs | [Closed] Yet another quest log

[Another month, more quests on the board. Once they go up, Akira feels like it's time to stop haunting his house like some kind of specter and emerge into the world again. After all, there's a defense force meeting, and things like that going on. He needs to put it all out of his head, and focus on doing again.

So he's been out, moving around. He looks for things to scavenge, though so much has been found already. He patrols Ruga, once he's reassigned to Zelda's team. But mostly he just walks, and tries to enjoy the sun.

He's out on one of these walks/patrols, right on the outskirts of the forest, when he sees a familiar face and... stops.

He doesn't think he has anything to fear, but then why are his palms suddenly sweaty.]

...Akechi...?

[ It's a new day, and the (now fully colored) sun has risen again, and a million other cliched bullshit that people say without really putting much thought behind it-- or at least to Akechi, they never did. They were just gentle platitudes, a last desperate attempt to latch on to hope, to keep on living through another 24-hour cycle. They were never any real consolation, never really meant anything. Not back home, and not in this place, either.

In the latter case, perhaps especially not so.

In this place, he has no revenge to fuel him. In this place, whatever good feelings he had begun to nurture, budding and fragile as they were, have been crushed, over and over again, by his powerlessness to help the people he had grown fond of, and by forcing his hand against them. In this place, he has very little left to motivate him to keep on breathing.

Yet, he refuses to give up-- refuses to lose to a world that was out to end him from the get-go. So he lives, if only out of spite.

Still, he needs a goal to work towards, something, anything just to get him out of bed in the mornings, so he sticks to the obvious and resumes his investigation of Chroma, hoping for a way out, but also just trying to figure out how everything else functions-- death, in particular. He'd met Dextera, and read the information those other two had posted on the forum, but his mind is elsewhere, on a soul that spoke through quiet riddles and text messages, a face that he can't possibly ever see again...

And yet, there it is, staring right back at him, making something inside him stop. Something that might have been a heart, once. ]

What's the matter, Kurusu-kun? You look as though you had just seen a ghost.

[ Hah. ]

[Akira raises an eyebrow, though doesn't look particularly amused by that joke. His face is mostly inscrutable, or maybe the proper word is dead. His eyes are hidden by the glint of his glasses, his expression otherwise blank.]

Shouldn't it be the other way around?

[Except not really; he's been seeing a ghost this entire time. Akechi, the boy who shouldn't be alive, who, unlike Akira, doesn't even remember his death, or that he ever died at all. And Akira has a newfound appreciation for how wonderful that is, how glad he is that Akechi doesn't have that weighing on his mind.

But it doesn't really help how strangely lost and empty he feels.]

Is that what you think I am? A ghost?

[ A ghost? Well, that would almost make his life easier, though Akechi doesn't offer much of a response to that, either.

Without another word, he instead steps forward, intent on inspecting him from up close. The gap is short enough that Akira is within reach, and he has to fight the urge to lift a hand to touch him, make sure he's tangible, breathing, real, unlike all the lies he's seen-- and that is all it is, an urge prompted by his detective instincts, the need to find the truth. Definitely nothing else.

(He's not very good at lying to himself, still.) ]

I think you're as alive as I am.

[ Unbeknownst to him, that is the ultimate truth: they're both inexplicably, yet undeniably alive. Both feeling lost and empty, too, though for different reasons. ]

[Hah. If only Akechi knew how accurate that was...

Akira is still while Akechi examines him, letting him look him over. Them being so close makes him shiver, though whether it's out of fear or anticipation, he isn't sure. Since the beginning, his feelings for Akechi have been conflicting. What exactly the conflict is has changed over time, but in the end, he always feels the same mix of wariness and desire.

This incident is the same. Akira knows he shouldn't feel fear, that he provoked Akechi as the werewolf, but it's still hard not to. And yet... he wants to get closer. To let Akechi touch him.

He breathes in and out slowly before he speaks.]

So you believe me now? I'm not an illusion?

I do.

[ The answer comes out easily enough, because Akechi can finally trust his eyes, but also because he had been investigating for a while, restlessly, ever since the news of Dextera's revival, and then the two others-- it helped that they all were so willing to dispense information that, by all means, might have been too painful to share. ]

I apologize for not taking your word for it earlier, but I hope you understand why I had to be cautious.

[ His tone is back to his usual pleasant, good mannered ways, but perhaps not as cheerful; there's a sobriety to it that wasn't there before, a weigh that jeopardizes even his mask. ]

I must admit, I'm not quite sure what to do with this information. [ A sigh, and he lowers his head, eyes closed. ] Although I suppose that is of little importance.

[ Once that red tint in his eyes is exposed again - and so, so much more - it's cast on the ground for a long moment, before he finally looks at Akira from underneath his lashes. ]

What matters is... what do you intend to do with me now?

[Akira only nods at the apology; he does understand, even if it hurt him at the time. He understands why Guren didn't believe him either, even though that hurt, too.

But as Akechi continues, his expression becomes bemused, and then perturbed. What... he's going to do with him? What does he mean by...

Akira sighs, and gives a small shake of his head.]

If you're asking me how I'm going to punish you... I won't.

[That was never his goal here.]

We were both afflicted by this town. It wasn't anyone's fault.

[ Hm. So he understands their circumstances, after all-- at least enough to make things a little easier on Akechi, dismissing the need for explanations. That is... good. A start.

But... what is the next step? ]

While it is true neither of us would be to blame for that incident, it does not change the fact that it did happen. It has taken a toll on us, too.

[ Individually and as an us, whatever they had been growing between them, whatever that still means now. No matter how stupidly optimistic Akira could be sometimes, even he couldn't deny this much. ]

[He wishes he could.

He wishes he could pretend this hadn't affected him, hadn't affected Akechi, that they could just go back to the way things were before, but... they can't, not so easily. It did affect him, as much as the interrogation had, and he can feel the physical and mental effects of the fear, clawing at him.]

...I know.

[Denying it wouldn't be good for either of them, either.]

I don't want to be afraid of you... but I can't forget it, either. [The bullets, piercing his chest, his torso... it had hurt.] It might take time.

... you're afraid of me.

[ It wasn't exactly surprising, or maybe it shouldn't be, but the revelation does still catches him off guard. By all means, if Akira knew of the things Akechi has done in the past, if he knew of the things he was planning to do against the Phantom Thieves, he should very much fear him. Akechi knows this much, has always known. Nobody could ever like him, not the real him.

But it stings, still, all the more so right now. Was it because it was the first time anyone had ever said it to his face? Or because it was Akira saying it...? ]

I realize it is meaningless now, but... For what it's worth, I really did try to spare you. Tried not to take it that far.

[ Maybe he's not talking just about this incident, either. ]

[He feels sorry, ashamed to admit it. He hates that he had to tell Akechi that. Hates that it's true.]

It's not... I mean, I know you didn't want to.

[Is he only talking about this, too? His eyes look far away, before he looks down, away from Akechi.]

You called for me, but I... I couldn't break free. I was afraid you'd hurt me, or someone else... Pretty unfair, since I was the monster, huh?

[But the reason why he was afraid of Akechi hurting someone else... stems from more than this incident.]

[ He shakes his head in response, though he's not sure Akira will see it if he keeps his gaze down. It's best, he decides, to use words. ]

That was only animal instinct. The real monster is... someone else.

[ It's meant to be taken as whoever has brought them all to this place, whoever sets the rules and plays them like puppets. But maybe that's not all Akechi is saying. There are too many monsters in this world.

He doesn't want to be one of them. But is it too late...?

With a sigh and very little thinking, he takes another step forward, lifts a hand to Akira's chest, just over the heart area. Just at the spot where Akechi remembers his shot piercing through flesh. ]

Does it hurt?

[ Physically, he means; he doesn't need to question otherwise. ]

[Akira appreciates it, though it doesn't really make him feel better that it happened at all. But then Akechi is saying that the real monster is someone else, and he knows Akechi is referring to himself.

You're not a monster, he wants to say. Just a scared kid that was used and manipulated by a terrible man.

But he's quite, even as Akechi approaches, and puts his hand over his heart. He'll probably be able to feel Akira's heart rate quicken, but he doesn't move, or shy away from Akechi's touch. Instead, he reaches up, and puts his own hand over Akechi's.]

No. It all went away.

[Physically, of course.]

[ He does feel Akira's heart rate speed up, though he chalks it up to nervousness, even fear like he had admitted earlier. But he doesn't protest, or even make so much as a motion to evade his attempts at reaching out, and Akechi can't figure out whether he's stupidly brave or just plain stupid.

But only until a hand covers his own, gentle, warm, and so, so real; it is definitely the latter, Akechi concludes. ]

I'm glad. [ He nods as he withdraws his hand, gone as quickly as it had come. There's too much Akechi needs to deal with at the moment, and that bolt across his own heart and the kick to his gut are unwelcome additions to his lofty ordeal.

Even if the touch itself wasn't. Even if he wanted it to linger. ]

I assume you are... physically capable right now, correct? Can you still summon your Persona?

[As soon as the hand is gone, he misses the warmth that it gave. To his displeasure, his heart rate doesn't slow at all, leaving him feeling winded and a little giddy.

He can't just ask for Akechi to keep touching him, though, so he doesn't.]

Why? Need me to run a few laps?

[His attempt at a grin is as shaky and weak as his attempt at the joke, but at least he tried.]

[ Akechi sighs at that attempted joke, and he has to make inhuman effort not to roll his eyes. If there's one thing Akechi definitely didn't miss, it was Akira's weird brand of humor.

(Akira tells almost as many lame jokes as Akechi tells lies.) ]

Not quite. There is just... something I need to check.

[ He needs to check if there's any way they can work past this-- if they can still work together at all. He needs to check that Akira is still the same, that he truly is here, real, and not going anywhere.

And maybe he needs to check his own feelings, too. ]

How would you feel about taking on a quest with me right now?

A quest?

[And normally Akira wouldn't hesitate, but normally Akira isn't dealing with the aftermath of dying, either. He's tired; he doesn't really feel like doing anything more, even this conversation is making him exhausted.

But he doesn't want to leave Akechi just yet. Whatever he needs to check, Akira wants to give it to him. And he can't just keep hiding away, not doing anything. What's the point of coming back to life, if he won't do anything with it?

Maybe a quest is just what he needs. Just what they need.]

Which one?

I'll understand if you don't want to go, for whatever reasons.

[ Just throwing it out there, because, honestly, even Akechi himself isn't sure this is the best idea at this current point in time. And as much as he's not given to following whims, now that they're face to face again, he doesn't want to leave on uncertain terms-- maybe doesn't want to leave at all, even. So he's going to give it a try, and if Akira says no, well, he'll take the hint and give him space, maybe too much, for too long.

But if he says yes... Then, there may still be some hope, as well as an implication. ]

But, I was thinking about quest number 19. Defeating a chimera.

[ Because, while the quest itself isn't any more extraordinary than any others, there's a specific requirement that he's sure Akira should remember. ]

[A chimera, huh? At least he doesn't have to talk honestly about his feelings for that one. Though he does, indeed, remember that other requirement.]

That desperate for me to hold your hand, huh?

[It comes out like a joke, but a small, quiet, tired joke. Still, he doesn't really have anything against that requirement; kind of likes it, if he's being honest with himself. And he's afraid if he refuses, Akechi will leave... and then what?

After a moment, he nods, holding out his hand.]

Alright. Let's do it.

[Anything to keep Akechi close. To not lose all the progress they made before.]

[ ... seriously, still doing dumb jokes even at a time like this? ]

I believe we don't qualify for any of the others. [ Thankfully, Akechi is still good enough at keeping his mask in place, and his only reaction is to hook an eyebrow instead of downright asking if Akira would rather offer himself up for target practice-- a sarcastic quip that would be far too threatening to suit his disguise.

But, as long as they're joking around, there's still something even the Pleasant Boy can shoot back: ]

Besides, between the two of us, I would think you're the one who desperately needs to have his hand held.

[ Because he's reckless, careless, and keeps getting himself into trouble. Like Akechi often points out.

Small victory out of the way, Akechi looks at that extended hand, and hesitates for just a second before reaching out and lacing his own fingers around Akira's. His palm is still sweaty, but very warm, and while there is palpable tension between them, he finds it that he... rather enjoys the feeling.

(He also realizes he can't remember the last time he held hands with anyone. Had he, ever?) ]

If you let go, we fail the quest. Try to keep that in mind.

[ And he sets off, one big baby in tow. Akira better keep up, because Akechi is taking up leadership again. ]

Hmph.

[He dislikes the idea that he needs his hand held, or the implication that he is in any way less capable than Akechi. He died, sure; while he was emotionally and mentally incapacitated and unable to access his Personas. He's none of those things now.

(Or at least is incapacitated for different reasons.)

Even when they're trying to make up, Akechi can't help but be just a little bit of a prick. Somehow, Akira finds that less irritating than he should. Maybe it's even... a little endearing?]

I'd say the same to you.

[And he's going to walk faster, to try and regain his leader spot.]

[ Well, yes, but Akechi's point is that Akira still got bitten even when he wasn't incapacitated in any way-- and he'd failed to resist temptation before that, and who knows what else. At the very least, he didn't make a very good role model, or much of a leader, for that matter.

Still, he chooses to ignore that last comment from Akira and, like the prick that he is, speeds up his own steps, venturing deeper into the woods and choosing directions on a whim; there's not much to work with other than blindly look for the creature and keep attentive ears for any suspicious sounds, but he moves with surprising confidence and instinct, tugging at Akira's hand whenever he feels like shifting paths.

(He doesn't really know where he's going, but he's not about to give up his newly claimed spot as head of this duo, either.) ]

You're... right-handed, correct? [ He begins, looking at their linked hands from the corner of his eyes, realizing he had grabbed on to Akira's left. ] It varies from culture to culture, but at least in Chinese mythology, chimeras are winged creatures. We might have to draw our guns.

[ And maybe, for the sake of trying to make up, he'll let Akira do that, since he'd probably not be very comfortable with Akechi holding a gun around him. ]

[He stole and was bitten because he tried to help. As always, Akira's heart is bigger than his sense.

Akira still tries to move faster at first, but in the end relinquishes control to Akechi. It's not like he knows where they'r going, either, and eventually fighting each other over the lead is going to end with someone running into a tree.

As for Akechi's suggestion, while Akira is right-handed, there's a problem with that...]

You realize my gun is just a very convincing model, right?

[It doesn't shoot real bullets. It doesn't even shoot pellets. It's useless against a chimera.

[ His good heart doesn't make him any less stupid, though. A leader needs to be rational.

And speaking of being stupid, Akechi actually turns to give him his profile this time, along with a narrowing glance. What the hell does he mean his gun is just a very convincing model? ]

And you realize mine is a toy ray gun, correct? When it comes to cognition, isn't that merely a technicality?

[ Or, in other words: "How the hell do you think I fucking shot you, idiot??" ]

[It's kind of funny, hearing someone talk about their toy ray gun in such a serious (and annoyed) tone. He would laugh, but he wisely decides not to.

(It's kind of cute, that Akechi likes ray guns and lightsabers. Kind of sad, too; like there's still a part of him clinging to childhood.)]

We aren't in the Metaverse here.

[And thankfully the gun does not work, or he would have shot Minato in the head early on by accident.]

[Closed] Yet another quest log

Chimera Hunting

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