Event Twenty-Five.

[awashmods]

I'd like to creep into the wood And see the bonnets blue, And hear the bluebells ringing loud, I wish I could -- don't you?

t's another day, another month, and another time for people to show up in the well. You'd better go rescue them! Never mind the fact that you woke up with a flower in your hands. It's probably fine. Don't mind it at all. It's not like it's hard to ignore a little flower. (At least, not until the effects start to kick in. Better go rescue the people in the well before they do.) Oh, right. Even the people in the well have flowers, so... things are going to be a little ridiculous very quickly, when all of those side effects kick in. Have fun! Welcome to Awash's Twenty-fifth event log, everyone! Further information on this event can be found here at the OOC post. You are welcome to make your own logs and posts for this event! If there are any questions, please ask them here. Thank you!

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arrival

[nascere]

[ noctis has entirely overlooked the possibility that he might be a newcomer, and just assumes that ignis might just be helping out with visitors at the well the way he always does -- give or take a couple of days. ignis' couple days of absence has been noted, and noctis had left messages when he hadn't come back for a day. second, and perhaps ignis simply needed some time away, even if dread had curled in the pit of his stomach.

noctis hadn't gone to check on ignis' house, fearing what he might find.

but here he is again, a vision and treat for the senses, and noctis brightens when he finds him, hurrying over and coming to sit by him -- but not first without a soft greeting kiss, which had become a sweet par for the course whenever they interacted these days.

he's smiling, relieved and warm. ]

Helping people out again, huh? I was wondering where you were.

[subzeroes]

( it is a relief, of course, to see noctis — as far as he knew, noctis was unconscious and nearing death at the hands of hydraean, or worse yet, ardyn, so his general well being is gratefully noted. he even offers a small smile, a breath of relief, and intends to gather him in a strong embrace in order to express his gratuity. before planning anything further, he intends to celebrate that they're both alive and unharmed.

this, however, is not what happens.

noctis kisses him. something light and airy and casual, above all else, as if they've done it a thousand times over, and ignis' mind just. goes entirely blank, for a moment. gone is his pleased smile, and instead there is only a confused look, halfway split between what did my best friend just do and i'm going to lose my job. not that the latter is really a factor in anything, but. old fears die old.

his hands are firm on noctis' shoulders, reality steadily sinking in. his eyebrows knit, eyes squinted. )

What are you doing?

[nascere]

I -- huh?

[ okay, so. something's wrong. ignis is staring at him like he's somehow grown two heads and the other one just sang at him. or he'd just transmitted cooties to him, or something. the point is, this is not the look he usually wears when greeting kisses happen, and he's never seen ignis' smile disappear this swiftly.

surprise ebbs and becomes confusion, a prickle of hurt, of a realisation he doesn't yet want to acknowledge, an alternative explanation of why ignis is beside the well and a more accurate answer as to why he wasn't around the past two days without a note. ignis wouldn't leave without a note. ]

Uh.

[ he feels everything tighten in his chest, the oddness of loss but not quite, the way the look in ignis' eyes pierces surprisingly deep in ways he hadn't realised could hurt. ]

Um. Sorry. I guess I should be asking what you remember.

[subzeroes]

( unsurprisingly, he is not soothed by this reaction. ignis only tilts his head further, eyebrows pulled taunt into tighter knots. the actual reality of this doesn't make any sense to ignis, and so he outright refuses it. there must be something else, here. something he's missing.

he leans forward and pushes noctis' bangs off of his forehead, eyeing for damage done. concussion would explain it, wouldn't it? he frowns. )

You must've been hurt. I will ... find someone, to look at you.

( the only explanation. he'd just been trying to get to noctis, a sight surely no one would be soon to forget. he moves to fumble through his pockets, looking for — anything. potions? something. )

[nascere]

[ noctis recoils from the touch, pulls away not out of disgust, but a slow and steadily growing mortification at how he must have seemed, how he's overstepped boundaries and he must look like an idiot, he should've realised.

he steps out, cheeks dark with embarrassment and his own frustration at himself. stupid. stupid. ]

Look. It's nothing. [ he ignores the way ignis' words prick at him, knowing that he means them to be kind, that ignis can't help that he seems to have forgotten everything, that somehow he had gone and come back without any memories. he brushes quickly at his hair, trying to pick up the tatters of his dignity. then, because noctis always reacts badly when he's hurt, he says sharply: ] I don't need to be looked at.

[subzeroes]

( ignis is not unused to noctis and his moods — he’s been with him through everything, and he’d claim to know him pretty well. this behavior is odd, even still. noctis was hurt, somehow figured to ought to kiss ignis, and somehow he’s the wrongdoer? ignis frowns and swiftly stands to meet him, silently toeing his shoe back on.

his lips still feel like they’re buzzing, lit on fire beneath the skin. a hand unconsciously lifts up to touch them. )

What’s going on? Noct.

( why does he get the impression you’ve been here much longer than he has? he looks at him, imploring. )

Tell me. What’s going on?

[nascere]

[ where does he start? ignis isn't joking with him -- he wouldn't be so cruel to prank him like this, and the concern in his eyes is real, which makes everything worse. noctis is known to lick his wounds in private, retreating into himself and pushing everyone else away. he thought he would've been better about it here in chroma, and maybe it has been, but somehow things go right back to square one again.

he takes a deep breath, feeling for ignis' confusion and his need to know, eyeing the way those fingers go to his lips. yeah, maybe things are rough for ignis, too. all of it. just -- rough. ]

This is Chroma. I've been in here more than a year, and so have you. Well, a version of you.

[ forgotten. ignis has forgotten about them. he shifts, uncomfortable. ] What's the last thing you remember?

[subzeroes]

( chroma. a year. it’s funny, how similar their thoughts go — ignis too considers a practical joke, but even in noct’s youth he was never a liar, so it doesn’t quite fit. ignis’ jaw clenches in thought. a year. noct has been here a year.

what’s more, apparently — so has he. )

Apologies. I ...

( he shakes his head. it says multitudes, that he wouldn’t believe any of this coming from anyone else. )

I must’ve ... forgotten. Somehow. ( he presses his lips together. one year, and he and noctis are ... what, different now? ) I remember Altissa. I ran to your aid — you mean to say a year has passed since then? That I’ve forgotten entirely?

[nascere]

[ it's not his fault. ignis wouldn't hurt him on purpose, not for anything in the world -- but it doesn't make anything better. at least, not by very much. he apologises and noctis is quiet, because what can he possibly say to that, when he's trying to deal with it himself?

still, it's not ignis' fault. ]

More than a year, yeah.

[ he frowns, before he tentatively ventures, aware that this isn't something you just force your way through. ] Do you really... not remember? Not a single thing? The friends you've made here?

[subzeroes]

( ignis frowns, deeply. he does not like it when things are out of his control — he feels like a fish out of water, stuck in a place where people remember him, and yet he can recall nothing. it's profoundly upsetting, but he can't let himself succumb to aggravation — in part because he's in survival mode, and in part because he isn't quick to forget noct's reaction. or his greeting. or any of it.

he's slowly knitting the picture together. it's just. incomprehensible, to him. noctis? the future king? )

I wouldn't mislead you. I cannot remember anything.

( there's just the smallest, tiniest, most insignificant bite to his words. frustration, noctis will note, more at himself than at the prince.

he needs to think of a distraction, before noctis siphons himself off and goes to sulk. anything will work. ignis looks around briefly, before his eyes focus back on him. )

What have you been doing for all this time?

[nascere]

Okay.

[ okay, he says, because what else can he say? ignis is not a liar, nor is he cruel -- even now, noctis can tell that he's attempting to get noctis out of his own head. how confusing everything must be for him right now, and as much as noctis wants to get away and sulk, it doesn't feel right.

it doesn't feel right; ignis needs his help. he can tell in those words, because noctis can read him just as easily as the other way around. they've grown up together, gone through thick and thin, and now that noctis is really paying attention, he's sufficiently distracted from his urge. ]

Plenty. [ he has to inform ignis of everything about this place, fast. ] Keeping up the garden you created in this place, for food. Fishing. Surviving the weeks where weird things regularly happen.

[ he's straightening up, thoughtful. ] Look, it's okay that you don't remember. [ no, it's not. but he'll accept that. ] I'll fill you in as much as I can. Basically, in this place, people come from all sorts of worlds. And times. [ he pauses. ] Ardyn is here, too.

[subzeroes]

( he's pretty inspired by all the responsible things noctis seems to have been up to — quite the improvement from the young boy he used to be. he gives a firm nod. it's not okay that he doesn't remember, but it seems a moot point to push any further than this. logic tells him that he doesn't remember, and therefore he has to make amends.

he gives another, understanding nod in response to the tid bits of information noctis gives him, choosing to sink his claws into the easiest one available. ardyn ... that's a can of worms he'll have to unpack later. )

Is this garden nearby?

[nascere]

Yeah. I'll take you?

[ this is easier to navigate, the whole showing ignis around thing, and noctis waits for him before setting off, pushing down his own disappointment and longing -- it's not fair on ignis, it's not, no matter how he feels for him, how his heart aches.

ignis doesn't look at him the same way anymore, and it hurts. it's like a heartbreak, except that the other party has no idea that it even ever begun. ]

Um, so. [ he says quickly, moving ahead. ] You made a few friends here. And the plot of land's been pretty fertile; we've got some good stuff from here.

[subzeroes]

( he follows with noct, although there's some indescribable rock in the back of his throat that he can't put any real name to, swallowing down the excess of emotion with a sharp nod. he keeps his eyes forward, not on noctis — a rarity. he's just thinking about a lot. )

Yes, unfortunately I believe I've met some of them. They seem rather disturbed by my memory.

( he has apologized a lot for it, which in turn makes him somewhat exhausted. )

What kind of 'stuff'?

[nascere]

[ it must be exhausting, noctis doesn't blame him. ignis isn't cruel enough to want to forget, and as much as noctis aches to comfort him, he knows that he can't. he doesn't get to do that with him. so he settles on giving him a brief, comforting pat. ]

It's okay. They'll understand.

[ they will. they liked ignis before, they'll still like him now, just like noctis. ]

Well, plenty of plants. Potatoes, carrots, mushrooms... There's even a few coffee plants from the beans I got you. [ he smiles without thinking, pleased at the memory before he remembers the situation. ] I mean... before.

[subzeroes]

( food and cooking, at least, is something to focus on, for however brief he might have it. at the end noctis does say something interesting though, and ignis steels himself, turning to glance at him. )

Are we going to discuss what happened before?

( ignis pretty much already knows. it's not like kissing became a casual greeting between friends in a year's time. )

[nascere]

Does it matter?

[ noctis is tense now, because there's so much at stake -- what does he tell him? worse, what if what ignis hears obligates him to feel the same for him again? noctis doesn't want that, even if he's so stupidly in love with ignis that everything just about hurts.

he's not looking at him, but he does call it out -- ]

It's not your fault the town wiped your memories. I still -- it's still you. That's all that matters.

[subzeroes]

( ignis stops in his steps then, forcing noct to do the same. denial might be a strong pillar in his own well being for understanding and slowly accepting everything he's come to learn about his history with this place, but noctis' clear upset sheds a new bit of light on what he was already coming around to know. not only were they together — they were in love. he frowns, kingsglaive registered shoes taking him forward until he's in front of noct, two hands settled on his shoulders. )

It is me.

( it's not the me noctis wants, but it is the one he has. he squeezes his shoulders, trying at comfort. )

If you're going to keep looking at me like I've done some terrible thing, I would say it does matter, yes. You can talk to me, Noct. I will always listen.

[nascere]

[ joke's on you, ignis. every 'you' is the 'you' that noctis wants. he's forced to stop and look at him, surprise and distress flickering in his eyes -- not for himself, no. ]

Ignis, you haven't done any terrible thing. [ had he made it seem that way? no, no and no, he didn't mean it that way. the last thing he wants to do is to make ignis feel like he's done something wrong. he reaches out to tentatively touch ignis' hand, trying to reassure him. ]

You haven't done anything wrong. If I made you feel that way, I'm sorry.

[ see, noctis has even grown up in his year, too. he's apologising, communicating like a normal person would even if it's a touch stilted and awkward. ] What did you -- what did you want to know?

[subzeroes]

( the apology is a surprise — ignis is temporarily blinded by every memory he has of noctis apologizing. when he was a child, it happened quite a bit more, as if the power of being royal was never completely born inside of him. ignis had to remind him frequently that things like illness or clumsiness were simply not his fault. when he got older, apologies were more like weapons loaded with self loathing bullets.

a genuine apology from a grown noctis is interesting. ignis blinks a few times, regaining his bearings, silently allowing his hands to fall back down to his sides. )

You don't have to apologize. You've done nothing of the sort.

( it's just the look — like ignis gutted his cat, or told him his favorite video game console was smashed, or. like he broke his heart into a million, tiny pieces. )

I only want to say, you're not alone in all this. I am your chamberlain and your friend, and we will get through this together, as always.

[nascere]

[ oh, ignis...

noctis looks down at ignis' feet, unwilling to expose his thoughts about that -- his heart is breaking into a million tiny pieces, that much is true, and as desperately as noctis wants to put him at ease, to make sure that he isn't obligated to do anything he doesn't want to do, he can't help the sadness as well, the loss that's even more profound when the man he loves is standing here before him, telling him he's both his friend and chamberlain.

his words are stuck in his throat, because the thing is that he is alone in some ways, and these ways are not fair to put on ignis. ]

Yeah.

[ it sounds thin, half-hearted -- like noctis is pushing it through when he doesn't actually feel that way but wants to smooth things over. but at least having him as a friend is better than him being gone. ignis has formed such a huge, huge part of his life that the loss of him is difficult to bear. he's hurting, and badly, but that''s okay. it'll be okay. ]

Yeah, okay. I mean -- I'm here, too. [ he gestures over his shoulder, anything not to keep eye contact; it's a thing noctis still hasn't grown out of. ] There's the plot of land.

[subzeroes]

( the point doesn't land, but ignis has at least said his piece. he can almost physically see noctis recoil into himself, isolate further from the issue at hand. and while it's still an important message to send, he can tell that further pressing it will either have noctis cutting himself off entirely, or getting angry as a result. he nods, understanding that noctis is looking for a way out of the conversation. ignis will allow him the retreat.

for now. )

Very well.

( he takes to the land, then, moving in to examine the work noctis has kept up with. his trousers are still soaked, so he's careful not to dirty himself too much in poking through all the perishables. )

When was the last time you ate?

[nascere]

[ allowing noctis to retreat is the best move to make -- it won't take very push to push him from being avoidant to lashing out, and with the meeting as fraught as it is, chances of saying the wrong thing are exponentially higher than ever.

noctis sees it for what it is, and relaxes just a little in quiet gratitude. which, of course, aids in noctis offering more instead of prickling defensively. ]

This morning, I think? There was leftover casserole.

[ and he's hungry. he hadn't actually thought to make something, not when he had been curious as to ignis' absence and was searching for him. eyeing his wet trousers, he continues. ]

You've still got clothes at our -- my place. Do you wanna come and get changed?

[subzeroes]

( there are a few things ready to pluck that noctis had perhaps missed — it's like him to err on the side of caution, ignis understands, and wonders if his previous self taught him enough about farming to be confident in it. steadily, he's realizing he'll probably end up repeating himself an awful amount.

our, noct had said. you can't unring a bell, as it is, and he said it, which means it must be true. they were together, they were in love, they lived together — gods. he can't think about all the implications in that, just yet. )

Thank you. Yes.

( various veg collected in his hands, ignis rises, nodding his head back towards the garden. )

You eat these?

( the noctis he knew would scarcely eat anything beyond meat. it's a little hard to believe he'd eat something that came out of the ground, and yet the plot is well looked after, catered and tended to. )

If you have some protein, I could whip us up a spot of lunch. Well, ( his eyes lift up to the sun, squinting ) late lunch, in any case.

[nascere]

[ you can't unring a bell, definitely, you can't stop loving the person who doesn't remember loving you that way -- and it's fine, it'll be fine, because noctis doesn't want to bleed all over him and that's the worst outcome he can ever imagine.

it'll be fine.

there is a welcome familiarity in how ignis so briskly takes charge; noctis might have learned a few things from ignis when it comes to farming, but he's not as adept as ignis, and he makes a face at the vegetables in his arms before moving to dig up a few of the potatoes.

he'll eat the fries, iggy, definitely the fries. ]

I've caught a few fish.

[ he tells him, cheered by the idea of having fish and chips as he bundles the potatoes into his arms. ]

I'll show you around the place after lunch?